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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 3970681" data-attributes="member: 14320">A Shaky Old LadyA little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door of an erotic sex shop. Obviously very unstable on her feet, she shakily hobbles the few feet across the store to the counter. Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, she asks the sales clerk:"Ddddooo youuuu hhhave dddddildosss?"The clerk, politely trying not to burst out laughing, replies: "Yes we do have dildos. Actually we carry many models."The old woman then asks: "Dddddoooo yyyouuuu hhhave aaa pppinkk one, tttenn inchessss lllong aaandd aabboutt tttwoo inchesss thththiiickkk?"The clerk responds, "Yes we do"."Ccccccannnn yyyyouuuu tttelll mmmmeeee hhhhowwww ttttoooo ttturrrnnn ttthe ffffuucccckkkkinggg ttthingggg offffff?"@@@ Two men were in the pub discussing their latest sexual conquests. The first man says he pulled this girl last week and they agreed to go back to his house and have sex. Once in the house the girl stripped off, lied down on the bed legs apart and panted, "I want you to give me twelve inches and make me bleed."The second man not for one moment believing his mate was that well hung asked what he did. "Well" he says, "What could I do - I fucked her twice and smacked her in the face!"@@@ Selected things to do when you run over your neighbor's cat:(a) Wedge the cat under the neighbor's tire so they think they did it.(b) Paint a hexagram on their front lawn and put the cat in the middle so they think that crazy Satanists did it.(c) Throw the cat into your other neighbor's yard.(d) Put the cat in a tree. Call the fire department and let them try to explain it.(e) Drive over the rest of the cats in the neighborhood and claim that you're on a "Mission From God".@@@The young man goes into a bar and picks up a tall woman. After a night of drinking and dancing they go back to his place. She unzips his fly and starts playing with his dick. "Wow," he says, "you handle my penis so well...." "I should," she replies, "I used to have one just like it ... only longer!" @@@ Q: What's the difference between a pussy & a cunt?A: A pussy is a sweet, juicy, succulent, warm, fun and useful thing.…A cunt is the thing that owns it.</blockquote>

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