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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 3951308" data-attributes="member: 14320"> About LifeAll I Need to Know About Life, I Learned atMelrose Place1. If your "significant other" leaves town formore than a week, sleep with whomeveryou want. After all, you can't be expectedto wait around forever.2. Never sleep with your boss or co-worker.Just kidding. You should do both, often.3. A good way to unwind after a hard day atthe office is to build a fire, curl up with a goodbook, and rapidly drink seven large glassesof straight vodka.4. Every once in a while, just go ahead andslap somebody in the face, really hard.5. Pretend you're pregnant.6. Feeling a little insecure? Buy a gun!7. If marriage isn't working, consider a divorce.If divorce isn't convenient, fake your own death.8. Don't walk too fast when feigning blindness.9. Never base a relationship on lies and deceit.Just kidding! Dishonesty should be an integralpart of any relationship.10. When you leave someone to die of carbonmonoxide poisoning, be sure to shut the doortightly on your way out.11. Don't date drug dealers...unless they're really good-looking. ..or have a lot of money...or unless you can gain something from it insomeway...or. .. oh hell, go ahead and date drug dealers.12. Don't get too close to people in comas.Sometimes they wake up and try to chokeyou.13. If you get fired, get drunk.14. Call your ex-wife "Baby."15. If you've got to fix your Harley, you might aswell take off your shirt and do it by the pool.16. Randomly insult the people around you.17. Parents will be parents. Sometimes they'llnag. Sometimes they'll be judgmental.Sometimes they'll commit you to a miserableinsane asylum where you'll be bound in astraightjacket and heavily sedated.18. If you lose your job, wait a few minutes andyou'll get an even better jobat twice the salary.19. A good way to aggravate your sister is totell her that Mom liked you best. Another goodway is to sleep with her husband a bunch oftimes.20. Just because you're in the midst of ruiningsomeone's career doesn't mean that you can'tcar-pool to work with them.====="I've had it with my wife." said the one drinkingbuddy to the other. "I'm filing for an divorce.""Sorry to hear that pal." said his partner. "May Iask why?""I found her supply of birth control pills." said thefirst."Listen Frank, with all due respect to your religion,I just can't see leaving your wife for what theChurch says is a sin.""It ain't just that." stormed Frank. "It's because Ihad a vasectomy over five years ago."</blockquote>