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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 3924631" data-attributes="member: 14320">Anger Management When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take itout on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out onsomeone you don't know.I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten tomake. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello."I politely said, "This is Chris.. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right fucking number!"and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone couldbe so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I foundthat I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!" andhung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, andput it in my desk drawer.Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills orhad a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" Italways cheered me up.When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' callingwould have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is JohnSmith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiarwith our Caller ID Program?"He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back andsaid, "That's because you're an asshole!" and hung up.One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking Spot. Someguy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patientlywaited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot,but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window,so I wrote down his number.A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had hisnumber on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"He said, "Yes, it is."I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?"He said, "Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax. It's a yellow rambler,and the car's parked right out in front."I asked, "What's your name?"He said, "My name is Don Hansen," I asked, "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"He said, "I'm home every evening after five."I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"He said, "Yes."I said, "Don, you're an asshole!"Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now,when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call. Then I came up with an idea. I called asshole #1.He said, "Hello."I said, "You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.) He asked, "Are you still there?"I said, "Yeah," He screamed, "Stop calling me,"I said, "Make me." He asked, "Who are you?"I said, "My name is Don Hansen." He said, "Yeah? Where do you live?"I said, "Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, a yellow rambler,I have a black Bimmer parked in front."He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better startsaying your prayers."I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung up.Then I called Asshole #2. He said, "Hello?"I said, "Hello, asshole."He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."I said, "You'll what?" He exclaimed, "I'll kick your ass!"I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming overright now."Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that Ilived at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, and that I was on my way overthere to kill my gay lover.Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going downin Oaktree Blvd. in Fairfax.I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax. I got therejust in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each otherin front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surroundedby a news crew.NOW I feel much better.Anger management really does work. ____________Q: What's worse than silicone tits?A: A cardboard box.Q: What do you Call a period?A: A waste of fucking time.Q: What's the difference between a clit and a mobile phone?A: Nothing. Almost every cunt's got one.</blockquote>

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