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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 3861783" data-attributes="member: 14320">The Bachelor PartyThis guy was invited to a bachelor party but his wife didn't want him to go."Last time you went to a bachelor party you got totally blind drunk and vomited all over yourself, ruining a new suit", she said."I promise I'll behave myself," he said, and begged and begged until finally she gave in.So he goes along to the party and pretty soon he forgets about his promise and begins drinking Long Island iced teas. Before long, he's really feeling it.He tells a friend: "Shit my wife will kill me if I vomit on myself"."No problem," says his friend. "What you do is put $20 in the back of your wallet. If you throw up on yourself give the wife the $20 when you get home and tell her that someone else vomited all over you and gave you $20 for the dry cleaning".So the guy thinks this is a great idea and starts really hitting it heavy. By 2:00 AM he is shitfaced. He has barfed all over himself as his wife expected he would. So he heads home and his wife greets him at the door."Goddamn it, you did it again!" she screams."No, no you've got it all wrong! Another guy was so drunk he threw up all over me, but he gave me $20 to pay for the dry cleaning," he says as he hands over the money to his wife."If he gave you $20 how come your giving me $40?""The other $20 is from the guy who shat in my pants!"wwwwwA man was approached by co-worker at lunch who invited him out for few beers after work.The man says: "My wife will get mad if I go drinking with the guys after work."His coworker says: "No problem! When you get home tonight, sneak into the house, slide down under the sheets,gently pull down your wife's panties, and give her oral sex. Believe me, she'll never mention that you were out late with the boys."So the man stays out late, then later he sneaks into the houses, slides down under the sheets and gets to work.Soon moans and groans of pleasure fill the air."Wait," says the man, "I have to take a leak. I'll be right back."He gets to the bathroom and is shocked to see his wife sitting on the toilet!"How did you get in here?!""Shhhhh! Your mom's visiting, and you'll wake her up."</blockquote>

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