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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 3802564" data-attributes="member: 14320">You Know It's Time For A Diet When:You dive into a swimming pool so your friends can go surfing.You have to apply your makeup with a paint roller.Weight Watchers demands your resignation.You step on a pennyweight scale that gives you your fortune and itsays,"One at a time please!"Your face is so full that you look like you're wearing horn-rimmedcontact lenses.The bus driver asks you to sit on the other side because he wants tomake a turn without flipping over.You're at school in the classroom and turn around and erase the entireblackboardThey throw puffed rice at your wedding.You hiccup in your bathing suit, and it looks like someone adjusting avenitian blind.You fall down and try to get up, and in the process rock yourself tosleep.jkjkjkOn Answering Machines:Did you ever hear one of these corny, 'positive' messages on someone'sanswering machine? They usually go something like this....... "Hi,it's a great day & I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. Thethought for the day is, 'Share the love.' Leave your name & numberafter the beep. I'll get right back to ya." >>"Uh, yeah...this is the VD clinic calling..... Speaking of being'positive', your test is back. STOP sharing the love!" Click.jkjkjkThe teenager was developing rapidly, so her mother thought itabout time that she understood the facts of life."Liza," she began, "I think it would be nice if we had a little chat about howlife is formed. As you know, a baby grows in a lady's tummy and...""It might be interesting to hear you tell it, Mom," interrupted the daughter,"but what I really want to know is how to fake an orgasm."</blockquote>

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