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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 3712846" data-attributes="member: 14320">Bar JokesThese three guys are sitting in a bar arguing which one has the ugliest wife.The conversation begins to get heated to the point of the bartender telling them to get the hell out or shut up. In fact he says, "Why don't you all settle this once and for all and just visit each others houses and decide for yourselves."Damn good idea they agree. They finish their drinks and make off for the first guy's house.Upon arriving he bangs on the door and the wife answers, she's not pretty and he turns to collect the bet from the other two."Not so fast," said the second guy, "I got that beat!" And they go off to the second guy's house. He bangs on the door and his wife answers, the door opens and all three men step back in fright, she's damn ugly. He asks to collect the bet, but the third guy says, "Sorry, I have you both beat!"They go to the third guy's house and they walk straight in, there is no sign of anybody about. He stomps his foot on the floor and they all hear this voice say, "Is that you honey?""Yeah, it's me!" he says."Do you want me to come out?" she asks."Yes please!" he says."Should I put the bag over my head?" she asks.He says, "No, I don't want to fuck you, I just want to show you off!"yyyyyA drunk is sitting in a bar totally pissed. He asks the barman where the bathroom is. The bartender told him to go down the hall and make a right.All of sudden, everybody in the bar hears a loud scream and wonders what is going on in the bathroom.A few minutes go by and again everybody at the bar hears another loud scream that came out of the bathroom again.This time the bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate what the drunk is screaming about.He opened the door and asked the drunk, "What's all the screaming about in here pal? You are scaring all my customers away.""I'm sorry," said the drunk, "but when I'm sitting on the toilet, every time I flush the toilet, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls."With that the bartender opens the door and looks in and says, "No wonder, your sitting on the mop bucket you arsehole!"yyyyyDown at the pub a drunk was telling his drinking buddy, "I will never forget the first time I turned to drink as a substitute for women.""Yeah, what happened?" said his friend."I got my dick stuck in the bottle neck!" he answered.yyyyyA guy walks into a bar and orders a double scotch. After the bartender hands him his drink, he pours it down in one gulp and says,"Give me another!"The bartender says,"Hey pal, what are you celebrating?""My first head job!""All right!" says the barman, "This one is on the house!""Keep em coming," says the man, "I have just got to get this taste out of my mouth!"yyyyyTwo mates are having a chat over a beer. "Do you like women with bad odor and bad breath?" the guy said to his friend."No way!" his friend replied."Well," says the first friend, "Do you like pussies you could hide a watermelon in?""Fuck, no way!" replied his friend."Well," says the first friend,"What the hell are you doing fucking my wife then?"yyyyyOne day Jack went home after a night of drinking and after stumbling through the door his wife shouted, "What the fuck do you think you are doing coming home half drunk?""I'm shorry dahling," slurred Jack, "I ran out uv money, burp!"</blockquote>

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