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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 3615524" data-attributes="member: 14320">Divorce LetterDear Wife:I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving youforever. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I havenothing to show for it.These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called totell me that you quit your job today and that was the laststraw.Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had anew haircut, had cooked your favourite meal and even wore abrand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in two minutes, and wentstraight tosleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you lovemeAnymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husbandandwife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore;whatever the case, I'm gone.Your EX-HusbandP. S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving awayto West Virginia together! Have a great life!Dear Ex-Husband:Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It'strue that you and I have been married for seven years,although a good man is a far cry from what you've been.I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constantwhining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work. I DID noticewhen you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing thatcame to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my motherraised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice,I didn't comment . And when you cooked my favourite meal, youmust have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stoppedeating pork seven years ago.About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the$49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was acoincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars fromme that morning.After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we couldwork it out. So when I hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quitmy joband bought us two tickets to Jamaica . But when I got home you weregone.Everything happens for a reason, I guess.I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. Mylawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dimefrom me. So take care.Signed,Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and Free!P. S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carlawas born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.Heather_________I want to die like my grandfather did, in his sleep.Not screaming and shouting like the passengers in his car.___________In a hospital serving victims of land mines, a little girl wakes up from surgery.Little Girl: Doctor, something is wrong... I can't feel my legs!Doctor: Yes, we've had to amputate both your arms.surgery.Little Girl: Doctor, something is wrong... I can't feel my legs!Doctor: Yes, we've had to amputate both your arms.</blockquote>