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JeSt fOr LaUgHs...
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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 3559812" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">It's A Dogs World</span></strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong><em>A Dog's New Year Resolutions</em></strong></p><p></p><p>* I will stop trying to find the few remaining clean pieces of carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.</p><p>* I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.</p><p>* I will not eat other animals' poop.</p><p>* I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.</p><p>* I will not eat my own vomit.</p><p>* I will not eat "kitty box crunchies".</p><p>* I will not eat any more socks and then re-deposit them in the backyard after processing.</p><p>* The diaper pail is not a cookie jar. I will not eat the disposable diapers, especially the dirty ones.</p><p>* I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.</p><p>* I will not chew crayons or pens, specially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.</p><p>* When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.</p><p>* I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of someone who is sitting on the toilet.</p><p>* I will not bark each time I hear a door bell on TV.</p><p>* I will not walk under the big dog when he is peeing.</p><p>* I will not steal Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.</p><p>* I will not play tug-o'-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.</p><p>* The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.</p><p>* My head does not belong in the refrigerator.</p><p>* I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.</p><p>* I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.</p><p>* I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.</p><p>* The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.</p><p>* I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Rules For Non-pet Owners Who Visit</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">And Like To Complain About Our Pets</span></strong></p><p></p><p>*</p><p>1. The dog lives here. You don't.</p><p>*</p><p>2. If you don't want dog hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.</p><p>*</p><p>3. I like my dog a lot better than I like most people.</p><p>*</p><p>4. To you, he's a dog. To me, he's an adopted Son who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.</p><p>*</p><p>5. Dogs are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell the pups.</p><p>*</p><p>The same applies to cats, except they ignore you until you are asleep.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 3559812, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]It's A Dogs World[/COLOR] [I]A Dog's New Year Resolutions[/I][/B] * I will stop trying to find the few remaining clean pieces of carpet in the house when I am about to throw up. * I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. * I will not eat other animals' poop. * I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop. * I will not eat my own vomit. * I will not eat "kitty box crunchies". * I will not eat any more socks and then re-deposit them in the backyard after processing. * The diaper pail is not a cookie jar. I will not eat the disposable diapers, especially the dirty ones. * I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them. * I will not chew crayons or pens, specially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging. * When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside. * I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of someone who is sitting on the toilet. * I will not bark each time I hear a door bell on TV. * I will not walk under the big dog when he is peeing. * I will not steal Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it. * I will not play tug-o'-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet. * The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps. * My head does not belong in the refrigerator. * I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration. * I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table. * I will not roll my toys behind the fridge. * The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff. * I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house [B][COLOR="Teal"]Rules For Non-pet Owners Who Visit And Like To Complain About Our Pets[/COLOR][/B] * 1. The dog lives here. You don't. * 2. If you don't want dog hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. * 3. I like my dog a lot better than I like most people. * 4. To you, he's a dog. To me, he's an adopted Son who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly. * 5. Dogs are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell the pups. * The same applies to cats, except they ignore you until you are asleep. [/QUOTE]
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