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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 3551585" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Fisherman</span></strong></p><p></p><p>There was a old farmer around his mid 40's who loved fishing. So much so, his nickname was fisherman. He awoke one morning and went downstairs to look at his wife who was sitting at the table. He looked to her and said "Woman, get ready, we's goin' fishin' "</p><p></p><p>His wife looks to him and replies "Now damnit fisherman, I got to much ta do and I ain't goin'. "</p><p></p><p>The farmer of course refuses to take no and simply responds "Look here, I'm gonna go an get that mangy dog up to go fishin' an if you aint ready by the time I get back, I'm gonna sink my rod in your ass, ya here me?"</p><p></p><p>With that, he went outside. It was nearly fifteen minutes before his wife heard the dog howl, telling her it was in the truck and ready no doubt as he came in the door. His face was stern as he looked to her. "I hope you still sittin' here means you is ready to go." he said.</p><p></p><p>His wife's response was to get up, move to bend over the table in front of him and stare back. "I told you I ain't goin fisherman, now let's see that rod.'</p><p></p><p>As the farmer neared her and dropped his trousers, a stench, almost like the smell of dog shit hit her nose. "By god what is that stench fisherman?" she asked.</p><p></p><p>The farmer just shrugged as he looked at her. "Damn dog didn't want to go fishin either."</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">*********</span></strong> </p><p></p><p>There were two elderly people who lived in a nursing home, and usually spent their afternoons together watching television. They would often lie in bed and she would hold his pecker, although she wouldn't do anything more with it.</p><p></p><p>One day, she's walking down the hall and she passes the room of another female resident. To her surprise, she sees her boyfriend lying on the bed and another woman is holding his pecker.</p><p></p><p>She storms into the room and shouts, "I thought we had something going for us! Is she better looking than me? Is she younger? What does she have that I don't?"</p><p></p><p>The old man looks up and remarks with a grin, "Parkinsons."</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">*********</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A girl about to be married confessed to her close friend that</p><p>she was not, as her fiance thought, a virgin. She asked her friend</p><p>what to do.</p><p>"No Problemo," said the friend, who had just finished watching</p><p>an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie. "Just buy a piece of raw liver and</p><p>shove it up inside you. It will make you tight and he will never know</p><p>the difference."</p><p>The girl followed this advice and on her wedding night the groom</p><p>consummated the marriage with tremendous energy - in the bed, on the</p><p>floor, in the bathtub, under the kitchen table, everywhere. She fell</p><p>asleep blissfully, but when she awoke she was devastated to find the</p><p>following note pinned to her pillow:</p><p></p><p>Dear Jane: Last night was pure heaven. Unfortunately, since</p><p>we will never be able to repeat that performance, I am leaving you</p><p>forever.</p><p></p><p>P.S. Your vagina is in the sink.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 3551585, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]Fisherman[/COLOR][/B] There was a old farmer around his mid 40's who loved fishing. So much so, his nickname was fisherman. He awoke one morning and went downstairs to look at his wife who was sitting at the table. He looked to her and said "Woman, get ready, we's goin' fishin' " His wife looks to him and replies "Now damnit fisherman, I got to much ta do and I ain't goin'. " The farmer of course refuses to take no and simply responds "Look here, I'm gonna go an get that mangy dog up to go fishin' an if you aint ready by the time I get back, I'm gonna sink my rod in your ass, ya here me?" With that, he went outside. It was nearly fifteen minutes before his wife heard the dog howl, telling her it was in the truck and ready no doubt as he came in the door. His face was stern as he looked to her. "I hope you still sittin' here means you is ready to go." he said. His wife's response was to get up, move to bend over the table in front of him and stare back. "I told you I ain't goin fisherman, now let's see that rod.' As the farmer neared her and dropped his trousers, a stench, almost like the smell of dog shit hit her nose. "By god what is that stench fisherman?" she asked. The farmer just shrugged as he looked at her. "Damn dog didn't want to go fishin either." [B][COLOR="Red"]*********[/COLOR][/B] There were two elderly people who lived in a nursing home, and usually spent their afternoons together watching television. They would often lie in bed and she would hold his pecker, although she wouldn't do anything more with it. One day, she's walking down the hall and she passes the room of another female resident. To her surprise, she sees her boyfriend lying on the bed and another woman is holding his pecker. She storms into the room and shouts, "I thought we had something going for us! Is she better looking than me? Is she younger? What does she have that I don't?" The old man looks up and remarks with a grin, "Parkinsons." [B][COLOR="Red"]*********[/COLOR][/B] A girl about to be married confessed to her close friend that she was not, as her fiance thought, a virgin. She asked her friend what to do. "No Problemo," said the friend, who had just finished watching an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie. "Just buy a piece of raw liver and shove it up inside you. It will make you tight and he will never know the difference." The girl followed this advice and on her wedding night the groom consummated the marriage with tremendous energy - in the bed, on the floor, in the bathtub, under the kitchen table, everywhere. She fell asleep blissfully, but when she awoke she was devastated to find the following note pinned to her pillow: Dear Jane: Last night was pure heaven. Unfortunately, since we will never be able to repeat that performance, I am leaving you forever. P.S. Your vagina is in the sink. [/QUOTE]
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