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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 3529553" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p>A little old man went into a drug store to buy Viagra. He says, "Can I</p><p>have six tablets, and can you cut them into quarters for me?"</p><p></p><p>"I can cut them into quarters, sir," says the pharmacist, "but a quarter</p><p>won't give you a full erection."</p><p></p><p>"I don't mind," says the old man. "I'm 96 and don't have any use for an</p><p>erection. I just want it sticking out far enough so I don't pee on my</p><p>slippers."</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">~~~~~~~</span></strong></p><p></p><p>"Just try to relax, this won't take long," said the gynecologist</p><p>trying to calm the obviously nervous young blonde patient.</p><p></p><p>"Haven't you ever been examined like this before?" he asked.</p><p></p><p>"Yeah, sure," she replied, "but not by a doctor!"</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">~~~~~~~~</span></strong> </p><p></p><p>Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.</p><p>"Why?" asks the father?</p><p>"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'", replies TONY.</p><p>"But that's right!" says his dad.</p><p>"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"</p><p>"What's the fucking difference?" asks the father.</p><p>"That's what I said!"</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">~~~~~~~~</span></strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">The Seven Dwarfs of Menopause are:</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Itchy</p><p>Bitchy</p><p>Sweaty,</p><p>Sleepy,</p><p>Bloated,</p><p>Forgetful,</p><p>Psycho</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">~~~~~~~~</span></strong></p><p></p><p>"Mom, I'm pregnant," announced a teen.</p><p>"How can that be? What did I tell you about sex?" asked her mom.</p><p>"That I should take measures. That's what I did! I took measures and</p><p>went with the biggest."</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">~~~~~~~~</span></strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Nine Answers Men Would Like to Give to Women's Stupid Questions.</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">...But Never Will</span></strong></p><p></p><p>1. No we can't be friends; I just want you for sex.</p><p></p><p>2. The dress doesn't make you look fat; it's all that fucking ice</p><p>cream</p><p>and chocolate you eat that makes you look fat.</p><p></p><p>3. You've got no chance of my calling you.</p><p></p><p>4. No, I won't be gentle.</p><p></p><p>5. Of course, you have to swallow.</p><p></p><p>6. Well, yes, actually, I do this all the time.</p><p></p><p>7. I hate your friends.</p><p></p><p>8. I have every intention of using you, and no intention of speaking</p><p>to</p><p>you after tonight.</p><p></p><p>9. I'd rather watch a porno.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 3529553, member: 14320"] A little old man went into a drug store to buy Viagra. He says, "Can I have six tablets, and can you cut them into quarters for me?" "I can cut them into quarters, sir," says the pharmacist, "but a quarter won't give you a full erection." "I don't mind," says the old man. "I'm 96 and don't have any use for an erection. I just want it sticking out far enough so I don't pee on my slippers." [B][COLOR="Red"]~~~~~~~[/COLOR][/B] "Just try to relax, this won't take long," said the gynecologist trying to calm the obviously nervous young blonde patient. "Haven't you ever been examined like this before?" he asked. "Yeah, sure," she replied, "but not by a doctor!" [B][COLOR="Red"]~~~~~~~~[/COLOR][/B] Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic. "Why?" asks the father? "The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'", replies TONY. "But that's right!" says his dad. "Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'" "What's the fucking difference?" asks the father. "That's what I said!" [B][COLOR="Red"]~~~~~~~~[/COLOR] [COLOR="Teal"]The Seven Dwarfs of Menopause are:[/COLOR][/B] Itchy Bitchy Sweaty, Sleepy, Bloated, Forgetful, Psycho [B][COLOR="Red"]~~~~~~~~[/COLOR][/B] "Mom, I'm pregnant," announced a teen. "How can that be? What did I tell you about sex?" asked her mom. "That I should take measures. That's what I did! I took measures and went with the biggest." [B][COLOR="Red"]~~~~~~~~[/COLOR] [COLOR="Teal"]Nine Answers Men Would Like to Give to Women's Stupid Questions. ...But Never Will[/COLOR][/B] 1. No we can't be friends; I just want you for sex. 2. The dress doesn't make you look fat; it's all that fucking ice cream and chocolate you eat that makes you look fat. 3. You've got no chance of my calling you. 4. No, I won't be gentle. 5. Of course, you have to swallow. 6. Well, yes, actually, I do this all the time. 7. I hate your friends. 8. I have every intention of using you, and no intention of speaking to you after tonight. 9. I'd rather watch a porno. [/QUOTE]
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