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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 3401334" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Three Old Men </span></strong></p><p></p><p>Three old men were talking about the best thing that could happen to them at that time of life. </p><p>The 80 year old said : "The best thing that could happen to me is to be able to have a good pee. I just stand there and it dribbles and hurts, and I have to go over and over again." </p><p>The 85 year old said: "The best thing could happen to me is if I could have a good bowel movement. I take every kind of laxative I can get my hands on and it is still a problem." </p><p>The 90 year old man said: "That's not my problem, every morning at 6:00 am sharp I have a good long pee and at 6:30 sharp I have a great bowel movement. The best thing that could happen to me is if I could wake up before 7:00."</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">===</span></strong></p><p></p><p>If a woman is uncomfortable watching me wank, should she:</p><p>a) Get to know me better?</p><p>b) Stop being such a prude?</p><p>or</p><p>c) Find another seat on the bus?</p><p></p><p><span style="color: Red"><strong>===</strong></span></p><p></p><p>Q: Why do married men hang strobe lights from their bedroom ceilings?</p><p>A: To create the optical illusion that their wives are moving during sex.</p><p></p><p>What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?</p><p>Spitting, swallowing and gargling.</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">=== </span></strong></p><p></p><p>A man complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman... then... pow!... it was all gone!" "What happened?" asked the friend. "Ahhhh... my wife found out..."</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">=== </span></strong></p><p></p><p>Two men are approaching each other on the sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as they walk. As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points at his foot and says, "Vietnam, 1969." The other points behind him and says, "Dog shit, 20 feet back."</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">=== </span></strong></p><p></p><p>Melissa was towelling off in front of the mirror when she noticed a few gray pubic hairs. She bent down and said to her pussy... "I know you haven't been getting much lately...but I didn't know you were so worried about it!"</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">=== </span></strong></p><p></p><p>A guy goes to buy a train ticket, and the girl selling tickets has an incredible set of jugs. He says, "Give me two pickets to Titsburgh...umm...I mean, two tickets to Pittsburgh." He's really embarrassed...The guy in line behind him says, "Relax, pal. We all make Freudian slips like that. Just the other day at the breakfast table I meant to say to my wife, 'Please pass the sugar', but I accidentally said, 'You fucking bitch, you wrecked my life.'"</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 3401334, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]Three Old Men [/COLOR][/B] Three old men were talking about the best thing that could happen to them at that time of life. The 80 year old said : "The best thing that could happen to me is to be able to have a good pee. I just stand there and it dribbles and hurts, and I have to go over and over again." The 85 year old said: "The best thing could happen to me is if I could have a good bowel movement. I take every kind of laxative I can get my hands on and it is still a problem." The 90 year old man said: "That's not my problem, every morning at 6:00 am sharp I have a good long pee and at 6:30 sharp I have a great bowel movement. The best thing that could happen to me is if I could wake up before 7:00." [B][COLOR="Red"]===[/COLOR][/B] If a woman is uncomfortable watching me wank, should she: a) Get to know me better? b) Stop being such a prude? or c) Find another seat on the bus? [COLOR="Red"][B]===[/B][/COLOR] Q: Why do married men hang strobe lights from their bedroom ceilings? A: To create the optical illusion that their wives are moving during sex. What's the difference between love, true love and showing off? Spitting, swallowing and gargling. [B][COLOR="Red"]=== [/COLOR][/B] A man complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman... then... pow!... it was all gone!" "What happened?" asked the friend. "Ahhhh... my wife found out..." [B][COLOR="Red"]=== [/COLOR][/B] Two men are approaching each other on the sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as they walk. As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points at his foot and says, "Vietnam, 1969." The other points behind him and says, "Dog shit, 20 feet back." [B][COLOR="Red"]=== [/COLOR][/B] Melissa was towelling off in front of the mirror when she noticed a few gray pubic hairs. She bent down and said to her pussy... "I know you haven't been getting much lately...but I didn't know you were so worried about it!" [B][COLOR="Red"]=== [/COLOR][/B] A guy goes to buy a train ticket, and the girl selling tickets has an incredible set of jugs. He says, "Give me two pickets to Titsburgh...umm...I mean, two tickets to Pittsburgh." He's really embarrassed...The guy in line behind him says, "Relax, pal. We all make Freudian slips like that. Just the other day at the breakfast table I meant to say to my wife, 'Please pass the sugar', but I accidentally said, 'You fucking bitch, you wrecked my life.'" [/QUOTE]
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