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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 3389405" data-attributes="member: 14320">The ParatrooperA young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers He wentthough the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higherand higher structures, and finally went to take his first jump from anairplane. The next day, he called home to his father to tell him thenews."So, did you jump?" the father asked."Well, let me tell you what happened. We got up in the plane, and thesergeant opened up the door and asked for volunteers. About a dozen mengot up and just walked out of the plane!""Is that when you jumped?" asked the father."Um, not yet. Then the sergeant started to grab the other men one at atime and throw them out the door.""Did you jump then?" asked the father."I'm getting to that. Every one else had jumped, and I was the last manleft on the plane. I told the sergeant that I was too scared to jump. Hetold me to get off the plane or he'd kick my butt.""So, did you jump?""Not then. He tried to push me out of the plane, but I grabbed onto thedoor and refused to go. Finally he called over the Jump Master. The JumpMaster is this great big guy, about six-foot five, and 250 pounds. Hesaid to me, "Boy, are you gonna jump or not?"I said, "No, sir. I'm too scared."So the Jump Master pulled down his zipper and took his pe*is out. Iswear, it was about ten inches long and as big around as a baseballbat!"He said, "Boy, either you jump out that door, or I'm sticking thislittle baby up your a**.""So, did you jump?" asked the father."Well, a little, at first."xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx THE OLD FIGHTER PILOT.He was a ragged looking old man who shuffled into the bar thatafternoon. Stinking of whiskey and cigarettes, his hands shook as hetook the "Piano Player Wanted" sign from the window and gave it to thebartender. "I'd like to apply for the job," he said.The bar-keep wasn't too sure about this doubtful looking old guy, but ithad been awhile since he had a player and businesswas falling off. "What do you do?" he asked."I used to be a fighter pilot in the Navy," was the answer.Now, really unsure, the barkeep decided to give him a try...he reallyneeded more business. "The piano is over there...giveit a go."The old man staggered his way over to the piano and several patronssnickered. But, by the time he was into the third bar of music, everyvoice was silenced.What followed was a rhapsody of sound and music unlike anyone had everheard in the bar before. When he finished, there wasn't a dry eye in theplace.The bartender brought the old guy a beer and said, "That soundedreally, really good. What do you call that?""It's called Drop Your Panties, Baby, We're Gonna Rock Tonight," saidthe old pilot as he took a long pull from the beer."I got another," ...and he began to play again. What followed was aknee-slappin' hand-clappin' bit of ragtime that had the place jumping.People were coming in from the streets to hear this guy play. After hefinished, the pilot acknowledged the applause and told the crowd thatthe song was called "Big Boobs Make My Afterburner Dance."He then excused himself as he lurched off to the men's room. Afterthinking a bit, the bartender decided to hire the guy, no matter how badhe looked, or what his songs were called. When the guy came out of themen's room, the bartender went over to tell him he had the job, butnoticed that the pilot's fly was undone and his member was hanging out.He said, "The job is yours but first I got to ask, do you know your flyis undone and your dick is hanging out?""Know it?" the pilot replied, "Hell, I wrote it!!</blockquote>

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