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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 3297783" data-attributes="member: 14320">The Twelve Days of Christmas:DAY 1Dearest Mike:I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridgein a pear tree. What a thoroughly delightful gift. I know we onlymet 4 months ago but I couldn't be happier with anyone else.Thank you again for the wonderful gift.With all my love and devotion,CindyDAY 2Dearest Mike:Today the postman brought you're very sweet gift. Just imagine.Two turtle doves! I'm just delighted at how sweet you are. I love you so much. The doves are so adorable. Thank you. Can't wait until I see you.All my love,CindyDAY 3Dearest Darling Mike:Oh! Aren't you the extravagant one. Now I really must protest.I don't deserve such generosity, Three French hens. They are just great but I must insist, you've been too kind.Love,CindyDAY 4Dear Mike:You are so romantic! 4 calling birds. Now really,they are beautiful but don't you think enough is enough? I love everything but I'm running out of room for all these birds.Love,CindyDAY 5Dearest Mike:Oh my God! The postman delivered 5 gold rings today.One forevery finger. I love the rings. Thank you darling. I hope I don't hurt your feelings but all these birds and their squawking is beginning to get on my nerves.All my love,CindyDAY 6Dear Mike:When I opened the door there were actually 6geese-a-layingon my front steps. So you're back to the birdsagain, huh? Thosegeese are huge. Where will I keep them? I told you before theother birds were starting to get to me. I'm notgetting any sleepbecause of all the racket and my neighbors arecomplaining.Please Mike, no more birds.Cordially,CindyDAY 7Mike:What's with you and these fucking birds? 7swans-a-swimming?Is this a joke? There's bird shit ALL over thehouse, and theynever stop with the racket. I asked you no more birds please!!I can't sleep and I'm a nervous wreck. This isn'tfun any more!!So stop with the fucking birds!Thank you.From,CindyDAY 8Okay Buster:The birds were bad, but what in the hell am I going to do with8 maids-a-milking? They even have their own cows.There is shit all over the lawn, I can't move in my own home. This is it.It's over between us. I'm sorry Mike. Please lay offme andleave me alone. CindyDAY 9Hey! Shithead,Are you fucking stupid? 9 pipers playing their bellsfrom hell!They haven't stopped chasing the maids since they got here. Thecows are upset and are stepping on the screeching birds. Myneighbors have started a petition to evict me. GodDammit Mike!Stop it! WE ARE OVER, REMEMBER? I'm getting pissed. You'll get yours! CindyDAY 10You rotten prick,Now there's 10 fucking ladies dancing. I don't knowwhy I callthe sluts ladies, they've been fucking the pipersall night long.Now the cows can't sleep and they have diarrhea. Mylivingroom is a river of shit. The Commissioner ofBuildings hassubpoenaed me to show cause why this house shouldn't becondemned. You must have DUMB FUCK across yourforehead. I'm calling the fucking cops on you!ONE MAD AS HELL BITCHDAY 11Listen fuck-for-brains,What's with the 11 lords-a-leaping on the maids and ladies.Some of those broads will never walk again. The pipers arenow committing sodomy with the cows! All 23 of thebirds aredead, they were trampled to death in the orgy. I hope you arefucking happy you rotten, vicious piece of shit!CindyLaw Offices of Badger, Bender and Cajole555 NW 1st AvenueMiami, FL 33138Dear Sir:This is to acknowledge your latest gift of 12fiddlers fiddlingwhich you have seen fit to inflict on our client,Ms. Cindy Clark.The destruction, of course, was total. Allcorrespondenceshould come to our attention. If you should ATTEMPT to reach Miss Smith at Happy Dale Sanitarium, theattendants have instructions to SHOOT you on sight.With this letter, please find attached a warrant foryour arrest.Cordially,Badger, Bender and CajoleA Division of Dewey, Cheatem and Howe</blockquote>

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