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JeSt fOr LaUgHs...
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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 3267125" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Before And After Marriage</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Before - You take my breath away.</p><p>After - I feel like I'm suffocating.</p><p></p><p>Before - Twice a night.</p><p>After - Twice a month.</p><p></p><p>Before - She loves the way I take control of a Situation.</p><p>After - She called me a controlling, manipulative, egomaniac.</p><p></p><p>Before - Ricky & Lucy.</p><p>After - Fred & Ethel.</p><p></p><p>Before - Saturday Night Live.</p><p>After - Monday Night Football.</p><p></p><p>Before - He makes me feel like a million dollars.</p><p>After - If I had a dime for every stupid thing he's done...</p><p></p><p>Before - Don't Stop.</p><p>After - Don't Start.</p><p></p><p>Before - The Sound of Music.</p><p>After - The Sound of Silence.</p><p></p><p>Before - Is that all you are eating?</p><p>After - Maybe you should just have a salad, honey.</p><p></p><p>Before - Wheel of Fortune.</p><p>After - Jeopardy.</p><p></p><p>Before - It's like living a dream.</p><p>After - It's a nightmare.</p><p></p><p>Before - $60/dozen.</p><p>After - $1.50/stem.</p><p></p><p>Before - Turbocharged.</p><p>After - Needs a jump-start.</p><p></p><p>Before - We agree on everything!</p><p>After - Doesn't she have a mind of her own?</p><p></p><p>Before - Victoria's Secret.</p><p>After - Fruit of the Loom.</p><p></p><p>Before - Feathers & handcuffs.</p><p>After - Ball and chain.</p><p></p><p>Before - Idol.</p><p>After - Idle.</p><p></p><p>Before - He's lost without me.</p><p>After - Why can't he ask for directions?</p><p></p><p>Before - When together, time stands still.</p><p>After - This relationship is going nowhere.</p><p></p><p>Before - Croissant and cappuccino.</p><p>After - Bagels and instant coffee.</p><p></p><p>Before - Oysters.</p><p>After - Fishsticks.</p><p></p><p>Before - I can hardly believe we found each other.</p><p>After - How the hell did I end up with someone like you?</p><p></p><p>Bump: <span style="color: Red">~~~~~~~~</span></p><p></p><p>This guy owns a horse stud farm, and gets a call from a</p><p>friend, who tells him, "I know this midget with a speech</p><p>impediment who wants to buy a horse and I'm sending him over."</p><p></p><p>The midget arrives, and the owner asks if he wants a male</p><p>or female horse.</p><p>- "A female horth", the midget replies.</p><p>So the owner shows him one.</p><p>- "Nith looking horth, can I thee her mouf?"</p><p>So the owner picks up the midget and shows him the horse's mouth.</p><p>- "Nith mouf, Can I thee her eyeth?"</p><p>So the owner picks up the midget and shows him the horse's eyes.</p><p>- "Ok, what about the eerth?"</p><p>Now the owner is getting pissed, but he picks up the midget</p><p>one more time and shows him the ears.</p><p>- "OK, finally, can I see her twat?"</p><p>With that, the owner picks up the midget and shoves his head</p><p>up the horse's vagina, then pulls him out. Shaking his head,</p><p>the midget says,</p><p></p><p>"Perhapth I thould rephrathe that. Can I thee her wun awownd?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 3267125, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]Before And After Marriage[/COLOR][/B] Before - You take my breath away. After - I feel like I'm suffocating. Before - Twice a night. After - Twice a month. Before - She loves the way I take control of a Situation. After - She called me a controlling, manipulative, egomaniac. Before - Ricky & Lucy. After - Fred & Ethel. Before - Saturday Night Live. After - Monday Night Football. Before - He makes me feel like a million dollars. After - If I had a dime for every stupid thing he's done... Before - Don't Stop. After - Don't Start. Before - The Sound of Music. After - The Sound of Silence. Before - Is that all you are eating? After - Maybe you should just have a salad, honey. Before - Wheel of Fortune. After - Jeopardy. Before - It's like living a dream. After - It's a nightmare. Before - $60/dozen. After - $1.50/stem. Before - Turbocharged. After - Needs a jump-start. Before - We agree on everything! After - Doesn't she have a mind of her own? Before - Victoria's Secret. After - Fruit of the Loom. Before - Feathers & handcuffs. After - Ball and chain. Before - Idol. After - Idle. Before - He's lost without me. After - Why can't he ask for directions? Before - When together, time stands still. After - This relationship is going nowhere. Before - Croissant and cappuccino. After - Bagels and instant coffee. Before - Oysters. After - Fishsticks. Before - I can hardly believe we found each other. After - How the hell did I end up with someone like you? Bump: [COLOR="Red"]~~~~~~~~[/COLOR] This guy owns a horse stud farm, and gets a call from a friend, who tells him, "I know this midget with a speech impediment who wants to buy a horse and I'm sending him over." The midget arrives, and the owner asks if he wants a male or female horse. - "A female horth", the midget replies. So the owner shows him one. - "Nith looking horth, can I thee her mouf?" So the owner picks up the midget and shows him the horse's mouth. - "Nith mouf, Can I thee her eyeth?" So the owner picks up the midget and shows him the horse's eyes. - "Ok, what about the eerth?" Now the owner is getting pissed, but he picks up the midget one more time and shows him the ears. - "OK, finally, can I see her twat?" With that, the owner picks up the midget and shoves his head up the horse's vagina, then pulls him out. Shaking his head, the midget says, "Perhapth I thould rephrathe that. Can I thee her wun awownd? [/QUOTE]
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