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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 3245456" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><span style="color: Red"><strong>Looking For The Right Guy</strong></span></p><p></p><p>When I was 16, I hoped that one day I would have a</p><p>boyfriend...</p><p></p><p>When I was 18, I got a boyfriend, but there was no passion.</p><p>So I decided I needed a passionate guy with a zest for life.</p><p>In college, I dated a passionate guy, but he was too</p><p>emotional. Everything was an emergency, he cried all the</p><p>time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a guy</p><p>with stability.</p><p></p><p>When I was 25, I found a very stable guy but he was boring.</p><p>He was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life</p><p>became so dull that I decided I needed a guy with some excitement.</p><p></p><p>When I was 28, I found an exciting guy, but I couldn't keep up with him. He</p><p>always got mad, he did impetuous things and flirted with everyone he</p><p>met. He made me miserable as often as happy. He was very energetic, but</p><p>directionless. So I decided to find a guy with some ambition.</p><p></p><p>When I turned 31, I found a smart, ambitious guy with his feet planted firmly</p><p>on the ground and married him. He was so ambitious that he divorced me,</p><p>took everything I owned, and ran off with my best friend.</p><p></p><p>I am now 40,</p><p>and I'm looking for a guy with a big dick.</p><p><span style="color: Red"></span></p><p><span style="color: Red"><strong></strong></span></p><p><span style="color: Red"><strong>*************</strong></span></p><p></p><p></p><p>Johnny asked his Mom if he could go to the local</p><p>carnival. She said, "Yes."</p><p></p><p>At the carnival Johnny won the ring toss and selected</p><p>a huge bag of M&M's for his prize. Excited he ran</p><p>home to show his Mom. After showing her his prize he</p><p>asked if he could have some M&M's.</p><p></p><p>She said,"Yes but, don't eat too many -- it's almost dinner."</p><p></p><p>She poured a small amount into his hand. Johnny tipped</p><p>his head back and popped the handful into his mouth.</p><p>He ran over to the house cat, picked it up, bit it, put it down, ran</p><p>outside, and jumped on his bike racing it around the house a few times.</p><p>Afterward Johnny went back into the house and asked for some more M&M's.</p><p></p><p>Puzzled she poured some more into his hand. Again, Johnny repeated</p><p>actions a 2nd, 3rd, and 4th time. Upon the 5th request his Mom</p><p>asked,"Johnny, what are you doing?"</p><p></p><p>Johnny replies,"I'm playing truck driver."</p><p></p><p>She says,"Truck driver? Can you explain?"</p><p></p><p>Johnny says,"Yes, I'm popping pills, eating pussy, and driving like</p><p>hell!"</p><p></p><p>Bump: <span style="color: Red"><strong>You Might Be A Redneck If:</strong></span></p><p></p><p>You've ever had Thanksgiving dinner on a Ping-Pong table.</p><p></p><p>Thanksgiving dinner is squirrel and dumplings.</p><p></p><p>You've ever re-used a paper plate.</p><p></p><p>If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say</p><p>Cool Whip on the side.</p><p></p><p>If you've ever used your ironing board as a buffet table.</p><p></p><p>On Thanksgiving Day you have to decide which pet to eat.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Bump: <strong><span style="color: Red">Happy Thanksgiving!</span></strong></p><p></p><p><em><strong>Things I Can Only Say This Week At Thanksgiving And Get Away With It</strong></em></p><p></p><p>1. Talk about a huge breast.</p><p>2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.</p><p>3. It's cool whip time.</p><p>4. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!</p><p>5. Whew, that's one terrific spread!</p><p>6. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.</p><p>7. Are you ready for seconds yet?</p><p>8. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?</p><p>9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some.</p><p>10. Don't play with your meat!</p><p>11. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.</p><p>12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?</p><p>13. I didn't expect everyone to come at once.</p><p>14. You still have a little bit on your chin.</p><p>15. How long will it take after you stick it in?</p><p>16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.</p><p>17. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!</p><p>18. That's the biggest one I've ever seen!</p><p>19. How long do I beat it before it's ready?</p><p>20. Man, that looks just like cranberry sauce.</p><p>21. Is that hole good and stuffed?</p><p>22. Should I wrap that for you?</p><p>23. I've done my part, now I just want to sleep.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 3245456, member: 14320"] [COLOR="Red"][B]Looking For The Right Guy[/B][/COLOR] When I was 16, I hoped that one day I would have a boyfriend... When I was 18, I got a boyfriend, but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a passionate guy with a zest for life. In college, I dated a passionate guy, but he was too emotional. Everything was an emergency, he cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a guy with stability. When I was 25, I found a very stable guy but he was boring. He was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided I needed a guy with some excitement. When I was 28, I found an exciting guy, but I couldn't keep up with him. He always got mad, he did impetuous things and flirted with everyone he met. He made me miserable as often as happy. He was very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a guy with some ambition. When I turned 31, I found a smart, ambitious guy with his feet planted firmly on the ground and married him. He was so ambitious that he divorced me, took everything I owned, and ran off with my best friend. I am now 40, and I'm looking for a guy with a big dick. [COLOR="Red"] [B] *************[/B][/COLOR] Johnny asked his Mom if he could go to the local carnival. She said, "Yes." At the carnival Johnny won the ring toss and selected a huge bag of M&M's for his prize. Excited he ran home to show his Mom. After showing her his prize he asked if he could have some M&M's. She said,"Yes but, don't eat too many -- it's almost dinner." She poured a small amount into his hand. Johnny tipped his head back and popped the handful into his mouth. He ran over to the house cat, picked it up, bit it, put it down, ran outside, and jumped on his bike racing it around the house a few times. Afterward Johnny went back into the house and asked for some more M&M's. Puzzled she poured some more into his hand. Again, Johnny repeated actions a 2nd, 3rd, and 4th time. Upon the 5th request his Mom asked,"Johnny, what are you doing?" Johnny replies,"I'm playing truck driver." She says,"Truck driver? Can you explain?" Johnny says,"Yes, I'm popping pills, eating pussy, and driving like hell!" Bump: [COLOR="Red"][B]You Might Be A Redneck If:[/B][/COLOR] You've ever had Thanksgiving dinner on a Ping-Pong table. Thanksgiving dinner is squirrel and dumplings. You've ever re-used a paper plate. If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip on the side. If you've ever used your ironing board as a buffet table. On Thanksgiving Day you have to decide which pet to eat. Bump: [B][COLOR="Red"]Happy Thanksgiving![/COLOR][/B] [I][B]Things I Can Only Say This Week At Thanksgiving And Get Away With It[/B][/I] 1. Talk about a huge breast. 2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist. 3. It's cool whip time. 4. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst! 5. Whew, that's one terrific spread! 6. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat. 7. Are you ready for seconds yet? 8. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it? 9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some. 10. Don't play with your meat! 11. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in. 12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once? 13. I didn't expect everyone to come at once. 14. You still have a little bit on your chin. 15. How long will it take after you stick it in? 16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up. 17. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that! 18. That's the biggest one I've ever seen! 19. How long do I beat it before it's ready? 20. Man, that looks just like cranberry sauce. 21. Is that hole good and stuffed? 22. Should I wrap that for you? 23. I've done my part, now I just want to sleep. [/QUOTE]
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