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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 3245456" data-attributes="member: 14320">Looking For The Right GuyWhen I was 16, I hoped that one day I would have aboyfriend...When I was 18, I got a boyfriend, but there was no passion.So I decided I needed a passionate guy with a zest for life.In college, I dated a passionate guy, but he was tooemotional. Everything was an emergency, he cried all thetime and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a guywith stability.When I was 25, I found a very stable guy but he was boring.He was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Lifebecame so dull that I decided I needed a guy with some excitement.When I was 28, I found an exciting guy, but I couldn't keep up with him. Healways got mad, he did impetuous things and flirted with everyone hemet. He made me miserable as often as happy. He was very energetic, butdirectionless. So I decided to find a guy with some ambition.When I turned 31, I found a smart, ambitious guy with his feet planted firmlyon the ground and married him. He was so ambitious that he divorced me,took everything I owned, and ran off with my best friend.I am now 40,and I'm looking for a guy with a big dick.*************Johnny asked his Mom if he could go to the localcarnival. She said, "Yes."At the carnival Johnny won the ring toss and selecteda huge bag of M&M's for his prize. Excited he ranhome to show his Mom. After showing her his prize heasked if he could have some M&M's.She said,"Yes but, don't eat too many -- it's almost dinner."She poured a small amount into his hand. Johnny tippedhis head back and popped the handful into his mouth.He ran over to the house cat, picked it up, bit it, put it down, ranoutside, and jumped on his bike racing it around the house a few times.Afterward Johnny went back into the house and asked for some more M&M's.Puzzled she poured some more into his hand. Again, Johnny repeatedactions a 2nd, 3rd, and 4th time. Upon the 5th request his Momasked,"Johnny, what are you doing?"Johnny replies,"I'm playing truck driver."She says,"Truck driver? Can you explain?"Johnny says,"Yes, I'm popping pills, eating pussy, and driving likehell!"Bump: You Might Be A Redneck If:You've ever had Thanksgiving dinner on a Ping-Pong table.Thanksgiving dinner is squirrel and dumplings.You've ever re-used a paper plate.If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all sayCool Whip on the side.If you've ever used your ironing board as a buffet table.On Thanksgiving Day you have to decide which pet to eat.Bump: Happy Thanksgiving!Things I Can Only Say This Week At Thanksgiving And Get Away With It1. Talk about a huge breast.2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.3. It's cool whip time.4. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!5. Whew, that's one terrific spread!6. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.7. Are you ready for seconds yet?8. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some.10. Don't play with your meat!11. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?13. I didn't expect everyone to come at once.14. You still have a little bit on your chin.15. How long will it take after you stick it in?16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.17. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!18. That's the biggest one I've ever seen!19. How long do I beat it before it's ready?20. Man, that looks just like cranberry sauce.21. Is that hole good and stuffed?22. Should I wrap that for you?23. I've done my part, now I just want to sleep.</blockquote>

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