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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 3241377" data-attributes="member: 14320">The bloke asked his date, "What do you think of anal sex?""Ugh," the girl exclaimed. "I couldn't let anyone stick their prickup my back passage unless I was totally drunk.""The whiskey's in the top left cabinet," the bloke said.====="Dad, I think the vicar is a homosexual.""What makes you think that son?""Because he closes his eyes when I kiss him."Bump: Top 30 Things That You Will Never Hear A Georgia Boy Say.....30. Oh I just couldn't, she's only sixteen.29. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.28. Duct tape won't fix that.27. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.26. We don't keep firearms in this house.25. You can't feed that to the dog.24. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.23. Wrestling is fake.22. We're vegetarians.21. Do you think my gut is too big?20. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.19. Honey, we don't need another dog.18. Who gives a damn who won the Civil War?17. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.16. Too many deer heads detract from the decor15. I just couldn't find a thing at Walmart today.14. Trim the fat off that steak.13 Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.12. The tires on that truck are too big.11. I've got it all on the C: drive.10. Unsweetened tea tastes better.09. My fiancee, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.08. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.07. Checkmate.06. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.05. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.04. I don't have a favorite college team.03. You Guys.02. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Betty Mae.01. Nope, no more for me. I'm driving!Bump: Mate Match(If you don't laugh at the end of reading this then there's somethingwrong with you...)Just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearingthis. Many Chicago folks DID hear this on the WBAM FM morningshow in Chicago.The DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. Thegame is called "Mate Match". The DJs call someone at work andask if they are married or seriously involved with someone. Ifthe contestant answers "yes", he or she is then asked 3 randomyet highly personal questions. The person is also asked todivulgethe name of their partner (with phone number) for verification.If their partner answers those same three questions correctly,theyboth win the prize. One particular game, however, several monthsago made the city of Big Shoulders drop to its knees withlaughterand is possibly the funniest thing I've heard yet. Anyway,here'show it all went down:DJ: "Hey! This is Edgar on WBAM. Have you ever heard of mateMatch'?"Contestant: (laughing) "Yes, I have."DJ: "Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to Orlando,Florida if you win. What is your name? First only please."Contestant: "Brian."DJ: "Brian, are you married or what?"Brian: "Yes."DJ: "Yes? Does that mean you're married or you're what?"Brian: (laughing nervously) "Yes, I am married."DJ: "Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First onlyplease."Brian: "Sara."DJ: "Is Sara at work, Brian?"Brian: "She is gonna kill me."DJ: "Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?"Brian: (laughing) "Yes, she's at work."DJ: "Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?"Brian: "She is gonna kill me."DJ: "Brian! Stay with me here!"Brian: "About 8 o'clock this morning."DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."Brian: (laughing sheepishly) "Well..."DJ: "Question #2 - How long did it last?"Brian: "About 10 minutes."DJ: "Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever havesaid that if a trip wasn't at stake."Brian: "Yeah, that trip sure would be nice."DJ: "Okay. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o'clockthis morning?"Brian: (laughing hard) "I, ummm, I, well..."DJ: "This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?"Brian: "Not that it was all that great, but her mom is stayingwithus for a couple of weeks..."DJ: "Uh huh..."Brian: "...and the Mother-In-Law was in the shower at the time."DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."Brian: "On the kitchen table."DJ: "Not that great?? That is more adventure than the previoushundred times I've done it. Okay folks, I will put Brian onhold, get this wife's work number and call her up. Youlistento this."3 minutes of commercials follow.DJ: "Okay audience, let's call Sarah, shall we?"(touch tones.....ringing....)Clerk: "Kinkos."DJ: "Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?"Clerk: "This is she."DJ: "Sarah, this is Edgar with WBAM. We are live on the air rightnow and I've been talking with Brian for a couple of hoursnow."Sarah: (laughing) "A couple of hours?"DJ: "Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knowsnotto give any answers away or you'll lose. Soooo ..... doyouknow the rules of 'Mate Match'?"Sarah: "No."DJ: "Good!"Brian: (laughing)Sarah: (laughing) "Brian, what the hell are you up to?"Brian (laughing) "Just answer his questions honestly, okay? Becompletely honest."DJ: "Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions,Sarah.If your answers match Brian's answers, then the both of youwill be off to Orlando, Florida for 5 days on us. DisneyWorld.Sea World. Tickets to the Magic's game. The whole deal. Getit Sarah?"Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."DJ: "Alright. When did you last have sex, Sarah?"Sarah: "Oh God, Brian....uh, this morning before Brian went towork."DJ: "What time?"Sarah: "Around 8 this morning."DJ: "Very good. Next question. How long did it last?"Sarah: "12, 15 minutes maybe."DJ: "Hmmmm. That's close enough. I am sure she is trying toprotecthis manhood. We've got one last question, Sarah. You areonequestion away from a trip to Florida. Are you ready?"Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."DJ: "Where did you have it?"Sarah: "OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell them that, did you?"Brian: "Just tell him, honey."DJ: "What is bothering you so much, Sarah?"Sarah: "Well..."DJ: Come on Sarah.....where did you have it?Sarah: "up the ass....."After a long pause, the DJ said, "Folks, we need to take a stationbreak"</blockquote>

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