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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 3237028" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p>Q: How does a man show that he is planning for the future?</p><p>A: He buys two cases of beer.</p><p></p><p>Q: Why are cyclones/tornadoes usually named after women?</p><p>A: Because what starts off as a small blow ends up taking half your house.</p><p></p><p>Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?</p><p>A: Wiped his ass.</p><p></p><p>Q: How is a woman like a laxative?</p><p>A: They both irritate the shit out of you.</p><p></p><p>Q: What's the best thing about a blowjob?</p><p>A: Ten minutes of silence.</p><p></p><p>Bump: A woman walks into the store and purchases the following:</p><p></p><p>1 small box of detergent</p><p>1 Bar of soap</p><p>3 individual servings of yogurt</p><p>2 oranges</p><p>1 stick of women's deodorant.</p><p>She then goes to the check out line.</p><p></p><p>Cashier: Oh, you must be single</p><p>Woman: You can tell that by what I bought?</p><p>Cashier: No, you're just fucking ugly!</p><p></p><p>Bump: Little Billy goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"</p><p></p><p>Billy says " Mas-tur-bate."</p><p>Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little BILLY, that's a mouthful."</p><p>Little Billy says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."</p><p></p><p>#####</p><p></p><p>Little Jenny is standing in the garden, crying and filling in a hole when the next door neighbour looks over the fence and says "What are you doing there Jenny ?".</p><p></p><p>"I'm burying my goldfish, because he's dead."</p><p></p><p>"Oh dear, what a shame. But isn't that rather a big hole for a goldfish?".</p><p></p><p>"Yes, but he's inside your fucking cat!"</p><p></p><p>#####</p><p></p><p>A middle aged woman is looking in the mirror one evening and says to her husband....</p><p></p><p>"GOD LOOK AT ME, I look fat, old and ugly. Please pay me a compliment"</p><p></p><p></p><p>"YER FUCKIN EYESIGHT IS RIGHT ON" He says</p><p></p><p>#####</p><p></p><p>This is a hole that never heals</p><p>The more you rub it the better it feels</p><p>And all the soap from here to hell</p><p>Can never get rid of that fucking smell</p><p></p><p>#####</p><p></p><p>Bananas are better than Men because...</p><p>- You don't mind swallowing a banana.</p><p>- Bananas are always stiff.</p><p>- Bananas don't know how to fart.</p><p>- A bananas only purpose is to satisfy you.</p><p>- No one cares if you have two bananas in bed with you at the same</p><p>time.</p><p>- Another woman will never try to steal your banana.</p><p>- Bananas can last the whole night through.</p><p>- Even the smallest bananas are at least eight inches long.</p><p></p><p>#####</p><p></p><p>If it tastes like chicken, keep on licking... If it tastes like trout,</p><p>get the fuck out!</p><p></p><p>#####</p><p></p><p>Young Schmitty was taking confession, when he told the priest that he</p><p>was having impure thoughts about his sister. "Is this a sin, Father?"</p><p>he asked.</p><p>The priest nodded and said, "Yes Schmitty, indeed it is a sin....Look</p><p>at the two beautiful brothers you have."</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 3237028, member: 14320"] Q: How does a man show that he is planning for the future? A: He buys two cases of beer. Q: Why are cyclones/tornadoes usually named after women? A: Because what starts off as a small blow ends up taking half your house. Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? A: Wiped his ass. Q: How is a woman like a laxative? A: They both irritate the shit out of you. Q: What's the best thing about a blowjob? A: Ten minutes of silence. Bump: A woman walks into the store and purchases the following: 1 small box of detergent 1 Bar of soap 3 individual servings of yogurt 2 oranges 1 stick of women's deodorant. She then goes to the check out line. Cashier: Oh, you must be single Woman: You can tell that by what I bought? Cashier: No, you're just fucking ugly! Bump: Little Billy goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Billy says " Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little BILLY, that's a mouthful." Little Billy says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob." ##### Little Jenny is standing in the garden, crying and filling in a hole when the next door neighbour looks over the fence and says "What are you doing there Jenny ?". "I'm burying my goldfish, because he's dead." "Oh dear, what a shame. But isn't that rather a big hole for a goldfish?". "Yes, but he's inside your fucking cat!" ##### A middle aged woman is looking in the mirror one evening and says to her husband.... "GOD LOOK AT ME, I look fat, old and ugly. Please pay me a compliment" "YER FUCKIN EYESIGHT IS RIGHT ON" He says ##### This is a hole that never heals The more you rub it the better it feels And all the soap from here to hell Can never get rid of that fucking smell ##### Bananas are better than Men because... - You don't mind swallowing a banana. - Bananas are always stiff. - Bananas don't know how to fart. - A bananas only purpose is to satisfy you. - No one cares if you have two bananas in bed with you at the same time. - Another woman will never try to steal your banana. - Bananas can last the whole night through. - Even the smallest bananas are at least eight inches long. ##### If it tastes like chicken, keep on licking... If it tastes like trout, get the fuck out! ##### Young Schmitty was taking confession, when he told the priest that he was having impure thoughts about his sister. "Is this a sin, Father?" he asked. The priest nodded and said, "Yes Schmitty, indeed it is a sin....Look at the two beautiful brothers you have." [/QUOTE]
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