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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 3235071" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong>Male Bashing</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p>Q: Why did God create man?</p><p>A: She didn't. Her husband did.</p><p></p><p>Q: What's a man's idea of a romantic evening?</p><p>A: A candlelit football stadium.</p><p></p><p>Q: What do electric toy trains and breasts have in common?</p><p>A: They're usually intended for the children, but it's the husbands who end up playing with them!</p><p></p><p>Q: What do you have when you've got 2 little balls in your hand?</p><p>A: A man's undivided attention.</p><p></p><p>Q: Why are men's pee yellow and sperm white?</p><p>A: So they can tell if theyre coming or going.</p><p></p><p>Q: Why do men have a hole in the end of their penis?</p><p>A: So they can get some air to their brains.</p><p></p><p>Q: Why were men given larger brains than dogs?</p><p>A: So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.</p><p></p><p>Q: How are men like laxatives?</p><p>A: They irritate the shit out of you.</p><p></p><p>Q: Why did God make man before woman?</p><p>A: You need a rough draft before you have a final copy.</p><p></p><p>Q: What do men and sperm have in common?</p><p>A: They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.</p><p></p><p>Q: Why don't women blink during foreplay? A: They don't have time.</p><p></p><p>Q: Why do women keep their eyes closed when they're being screwed?</p><p>A: Because they can't stand to see a man have a good time!</p><p></p><p>Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?</p><p>A: They won't stop to ask directions!</p><p></p><p>Q: How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?</p><p>A: Both of them.</p><p></p><p>Q: What's the difference between a man and a lawnmower?</p><p>A: Lawnmowers don't complain after they cut the yard.</p><p></p><p>Q: How do you keep a man from attacking you?</p><p>A: Throw him the remote control.</p><p></p><p>Q: What would get your man to put down the toilet seat?</p><p>A: A sex-change operation.</p><p></p><p>Q: Why did the man cross the road?</p><p>A: He heard the chicken was a slut.</p><p></p><p>Q: Why do men talk so dirty?</p><p>A: So they can wash their mouth out with beer.</p><p></p><p>Q: Why do men do odd jobs around the house?</p><p>A: If they do it, it's odd!</p><p></p><p>Q: Why did God make women so stupid?</p><p>A: Someone had to like men!</p><p></p><p>Q: Why did God put men on Earth?</p><p>A: Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn!</p><p></p><p>Q: What does PMS stand for?</p><p>A: Putting (up with) Men's Stupidity.</p><p></p><p>Q: What can a bird do that a man can't?</p><p>A: Whistle through its pecker!</p><p></p><p>Q: Why don't women have men's brains?</p><p>A: Because they don't have penises to keep them in!</p><p></p><p>Q: Why do women fake orgasm?</p><p>A: Because men fake foreplay!</p><p></p><p>Q: Why do men snore when they lay on their backs?</p><p>A: Because their balls fall over their asshole and they vapor-lock.</p><p></p><p>Q: What did God say when he made man?</p><p>A: I can do better than that!</p><p></p><p>Q: Why do men like masturbation?</p><p>A: It's sex with someone they love.</p><p></p><p>Q: How do some men define Roe vs. Wade?</p><p>A: Two ways to cross a river.</p><p></p><p>Q: How many men does it take to put the seat down?</p><p>A: Nobody knows. It hasn't happened yet.</p><p></p><p>Bump: A story of a woman who just turned 47 years old:</p><p></p><p>When I was 16, I hoped that one day I would have</p><p>a boyfriend.</p><p></p><p>When I was 18, I got a boyfriend, but there was no</p><p>passion.</p><p></p><p>So I decided I needed a passionate guy with a zest</p><p>for life. In college I dated a passionate guy, but he</p><p>was too emotional. Everything was an emergency,</p><p>he was a drama queen, cried all the time and</p><p>threatened suicide.</p><p></p><p>So I decided I needed a guy with stability.</p><p>When I was 25, I found a very stable guy but he</p><p>was boring. He was totally predictable and never</p><p>got excited about anything.</p><p></p><p>Life became so dull that I decided I needed a guy</p><p>with some excitement. When I was 28, I found an</p><p>exciting guy, but I couldn't keep up with him.</p><p>He rushed from one thing to another, never settling</p><p>on anything.</p><p></p><p>He did mad, impetuous things and flirted with everyone</p><p>he met. He made me miserable as often as happy.</p><p>He was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless.</p><p></p><p>So I decided to find a guy with some ambition.</p><p>When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious guy with</p><p>his feet planted firmly on the ground and married him.</p><p>He was so ambitious that he divorced me, took everything</p><p>I owned, and ran off with my best friend.</p><p></p><p>I am now 47 And am looking for a guy with a big dick.</p><p></p><p>Bump: <strong><span style="font-size: 12px">CLUCK TWICE</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Tom did like he always did, kissing his wife, crawling into bed and</p><p>falling to sleep. Suddenly he woke up with an elderly man dressed in</p><p>a white robe, standing in front of his bed. "What the hell are you</p><p>doing in my bedroom? ...... and who are you?" he asked.</p><p></p><p>"This is not your bedroom," the man replied, "I am St. Peter, and</p><p>you are in heaven."</p><p></p><p>"WHAT!!? Are you saying, I'm dead? I don't want to die .....</p><p>I'm too young." said Tom. "If I'm dead, I want you to send me back</p><p>immediately."</p><p></p><p>"It's not that easy," pondered St. Peter, "you can only return as a</p><p>dog or a hen. You can choose on your own."</p><p></p><p>Tom thought about it for a while, and figured out that being a dog</p><p>is too tiring, but a hen probably has a nice and relaxed life.</p><p>Running around with a rooster can't be that bad. "I want to return as</p><p>a hen." Tom replied.</p><p></p><p>In the next second, he found himself in a chicken run, really</p><p>nicely feathered. But now he felt like his rear end was gonna blow</p><p>........ then along came the rooster. "Hey, you must be the new hen on</p><p>the farm." he said. "How do you like it?"</p><p></p><p>"Well, it's OK I guess, but it feels like my rear end is blowing</p><p>up."</p><p></p><p>"Oh that!" said the rooster. "That's only the ovulation going on.</p><p>Have you never laid an egg before?? Just cluck twice, and then you</p><p>push all you can."</p><p></p><p>Tom clucked twice, and pushed more than he was good for, and then</p><p>'Plop' and an egg was on the ground.</p><p></p><p>"Wow," Tom said "that felt really good!" So he clucked again and</p><p>squeezed. And you better believe that there was yet another egg on the</p><p>ground.</p><p></p><p>The third time he clucked, he heard his wife shout, "Tom, for</p><p>Christ's sake!!! Wake up ... you're shittin' all over the bed!"</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 3235071, member: 14320"] [B]Male Bashing [/B] Q: Why did God create man? A: She didn't. Her husband did. Q: What's a man's idea of a romantic evening? A: A candlelit football stadium. Q: What do electric toy trains and breasts have in common? A: They're usually intended for the children, but it's the husbands who end up playing with them! Q: What do you have when you've got 2 little balls in your hand? A: A man's undivided attention. Q: Why are men's pee yellow and sperm white? A: So they can tell if theyre coming or going. Q: Why do men have a hole in the end of their penis? A: So they can get some air to their brains. Q: Why were men given larger brains than dogs? A: So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties. Q: How are men like laxatives? A: They irritate the shit out of you. Q: Why did God make man before woman? A: You need a rough draft before you have a final copy. Q: What do men and sperm have in common? A: They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being. Q: Why don't women blink during foreplay? A: They don't have time. Q: Why do women keep their eyes closed when they're being screwed? A: Because they can't stand to see a man have a good time! Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg? A: They won't stop to ask directions! Q: How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? A: Both of them. Q: What's the difference between a man and a lawnmower? A: Lawnmowers don't complain after they cut the yard. Q: How do you keep a man from attacking you? A: Throw him the remote control. Q: What would get your man to put down the toilet seat? A: A sex-change operation. Q: Why did the man cross the road? A: He heard the chicken was a slut. Q: Why do men talk so dirty? A: So they can wash their mouth out with beer. Q: Why do men do odd jobs around the house? A: If they do it, it's odd! Q: Why did God make women so stupid? A: Someone had to like men! Q: Why did God put men on Earth? A: Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn! Q: What does PMS stand for? A: Putting (up with) Men's Stupidity. Q: What can a bird do that a man can't? A: Whistle through its pecker! Q: Why don't women have men's brains? A: Because they don't have penises to keep them in! Q: Why do women fake orgasm? A: Because men fake foreplay! Q: Why do men snore when they lay on their backs? A: Because their balls fall over their asshole and they vapor-lock. Q: What did God say when he made man? A: I can do better than that! Q: Why do men like masturbation? A: It's sex with someone they love. Q: How do some men define Roe vs. Wade? A: Two ways to cross a river. Q: How many men does it take to put the seat down? A: Nobody knows. It hasn't happened yet. Bump: A story of a woman who just turned 47 years old: When I was 16, I hoped that one day I would have a boyfriend. When I was 18, I got a boyfriend, but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a passionate guy with a zest for life. In college I dated a passionate guy, but he was too emotional. Everything was an emergency, he was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a guy with stability. When I was 25, I found a very stable guy but he was boring. He was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided I needed a guy with some excitement. When I was 28, I found an exciting guy, but I couldn't keep up with him. He rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. He did mad, impetuous things and flirted with everyone he met. He made me miserable as often as happy. He was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a guy with some ambition. When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious guy with his feet planted firmly on the ground and married him. He was so ambitious that he divorced me, took everything I owned, and ran off with my best friend. I am now 47 And am looking for a guy with a big dick. Bump: [B][SIZE="3"]CLUCK TWICE[/SIZE][/B] Tom did like he always did, kissing his wife, crawling into bed and falling to sleep. Suddenly he woke up with an elderly man dressed in a white robe, standing in front of his bed. "What the hell are you doing in my bedroom? ...... and who are you?" he asked. "This is not your bedroom," the man replied, "I am St. Peter, and you are in heaven." "WHAT!!? Are you saying, I'm dead? I don't want to die ..... I'm too young." said Tom. "If I'm dead, I want you to send me back immediately." "It's not that easy," pondered St. Peter, "you can only return as a dog or a hen. You can choose on your own." Tom thought about it for a while, and figured out that being a dog is too tiring, but a hen probably has a nice and relaxed life. Running around with a rooster can't be that bad. "I want to return as a hen." Tom replied. In the next second, he found himself in a chicken run, really nicely feathered. But now he felt like his rear end was gonna blow ........ then along came the rooster. "Hey, you must be the new hen on the farm." he said. "How do you like it?" "Well, it's OK I guess, but it feels like my rear end is blowing up." "Oh that!" said the rooster. "That's only the ovulation going on. Have you never laid an egg before?? Just cluck twice, and then you push all you can." Tom clucked twice, and pushed more than he was good for, and then 'Plop' and an egg was on the ground. "Wow," Tom said "that felt really good!" So he clucked again and squeezed. And you better believe that there was yet another egg on the ground. The third time he clucked, he heard his wife shout, "Tom, for Christ's sake!!! Wake up ... you're shittin' all over the bed!" [/QUOTE]
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