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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 3161568" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong>Bill Collector</strong></p><p></p><p>Dear Mr. Collector;</p><p>I have received your super heated letter in regards to the bill I owe</p><p>you. You said the bill should have been paid a long time ago, and you</p><p>don't understand why it hasn't been. Well, I will enlighten you. In</p><p>1999, I bought a sawmill on credit. I bought an oxen_team, a timber</p><p>cart, two ponies, a shotgun, a wine toaster, a colt revolver, and four</p><p>razorback hogs all on credit.</p><p></p><p>In 2000, the sawmill burned down and didn't leave a damn thing. One of</p><p>my ponies died and the other one I loaned to an illiterate moron who</p><p>starved him to death. In 2001, my father died and my mother was hung</p><p>for horse stealing. A mechanic named Joe knocked up my daughter and I had</p><p>to pay the bill of 88.00 to keep the little bastard from becoming a</p><p>relative of mine. In 2002, my son got the mumps, they went down on him</p><p>and the doctor had to castrate him to save his life.</p><p></p><p>That summer, I went fishing and the boat turned over and I lost the</p><p>biggest damn catfish you've ever seen. One of my sons drowned but not</p><p>the one that was castrated. My wife ran away with some heavy hung Texan</p><p>and left me with 3 small children as a souvenir. I married the hired</p><p>girl to cut down on my income tax and expenses. I had trouble getting</p><p>her to reach a climax. The doctor said to try creating some excitement</p><p>just as she was beginning to come. That night, I took my shotgun to bed</p><p>with me and just as she was beginning to come I pointed out the window</p><p>and pulled the trigger. Well I ruptured myself, shot the best damn cow</p><p>I ever owned and my wife shit all over the bed.</p><p></p><p>Then I took to drinking and didn't stop until all I had left was my</p><p>pocket watch and kidney trouble. After that, all I did was wind my</p><p>watch and piss. Things really got worse then. My wife caught the clap from</p><p>the milkman and my son wiped his ass on a corn cob with rat poison and some</p><p>one shot the nuts off my best bull.</p><p></p><p>Then I decided to go into business for myself. I ordered six bee hives</p><p>from sears roebuck. I bought a swarm of bees and a queen bee all on</p><p>credit.The queen bee died so I ordered another one. She turned out to</p><p>be a whore and started to run around with a horse fly.The honey started to</p><p>taste like shit and I couldn't see it. So then, Mr. Collector, you say</p><p>If I don't pay, you will cause me trouble. Right now, if it cost two</p><p>cents to take a shit I would have to puke. Getting money out of me</p><p>would be like trying to poke butter up a wildcats ass with a hot poker. But</p><p>you are welcome to try.</p><p></p><p>Signed,</p><p>Paul</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 3161568, member: 14320"] [B]Bill Collector[/B] Dear Mr. Collector; I have received your super heated letter in regards to the bill I owe you. You said the bill should have been paid a long time ago, and you don't understand why it hasn't been. Well, I will enlighten you. In 1999, I bought a sawmill on credit. I bought an oxen_team, a timber cart, two ponies, a shotgun, a wine toaster, a colt revolver, and four razorback hogs all on credit. In 2000, the sawmill burned down and didn't leave a damn thing. One of my ponies died and the other one I loaned to an illiterate moron who starved him to death. In 2001, my father died and my mother was hung for horse stealing. A mechanic named Joe knocked up my daughter and I had to pay the bill of 88.00 to keep the little bastard from becoming a relative of mine. In 2002, my son got the mumps, they went down on him and the doctor had to castrate him to save his life. That summer, I went fishing and the boat turned over and I lost the biggest damn catfish you've ever seen. One of my sons drowned but not the one that was castrated. My wife ran away with some heavy hung Texan and left me with 3 small children as a souvenir. I married the hired girl to cut down on my income tax and expenses. I had trouble getting her to reach a climax. The doctor said to try creating some excitement just as she was beginning to come. That night, I took my shotgun to bed with me and just as she was beginning to come I pointed out the window and pulled the trigger. Well I ruptured myself, shot the best damn cow I ever owned and my wife shit all over the bed. Then I took to drinking and didn't stop until all I had left was my pocket watch and kidney trouble. After that, all I did was wind my watch and piss. Things really got worse then. My wife caught the clap from the milkman and my son wiped his ass on a corn cob with rat poison and some one shot the nuts off my best bull. Then I decided to go into business for myself. I ordered six bee hives from sears roebuck. I bought a swarm of bees and a queen bee all on credit.The queen bee died so I ordered another one. She turned out to be a whore and started to run around with a horse fly.The honey started to taste like shit and I couldn't see it. So then, Mr. Collector, you say If I don't pay, you will cause me trouble. Right now, if it cost two cents to take a shit I would have to puke. Getting money out of me would be like trying to poke butter up a wildcats ass with a hot poker. But you are welcome to try. Signed, Paul [/QUOTE]
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