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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 3101055" data-attributes="member: 14320">The Five Toughest Female Questions Are:What are you thinking about?Do you love me?Do I look fat?Do you think she is prettier than me?What would you do if I died?What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e. tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.Question # 1: What are you thinking about?The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you."This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:a. Baseball.b. Football.c. How fat you are.d. How much prettier she is than you.e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!"Al Rules!!Question # 2: Do you love me?The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear."* Inappropriate responses include:a. I suppose so.b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?c. That depends on what you mean by love.d. Does it matter?e. Who, me?Question # 3: Do I look fat?The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!"Among the incorrect answers are:a. Compared to what?b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.c. A little extra weight looks good on you.d. I've seen fatter.e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me?Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!"Incorrect responses include:a. Yes, but you have a better personalityb. Not prettier, but definitely thinnerc. Not as pretty as you when you were her aged. Define prettye. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.Question #5: What would you do if I died?A definite no-win question. (The real answer, or course, is "Buy a Corvette.")No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines:WOMAN: Would you get married again?MAN: Definitely not!WOMAN: Why not - don't you like being married?MAN: Of course I do.WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.WOMAN: You would? (With a hurtful look on her face)MAN: Yes, I would.WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?MAN: Where else would we sleep?WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do.WOMAN: And would you let her drive my car?MAN: No, she can't drive a 5-speed!</blockquote>

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