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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064597256" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p>Redneck New Year’s Resolutions</p><p></p><p>1. Stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by;</p><p>2. Give thanks that your Momma had “ammo” on her Christmas list;</p><p>3. Play with your Christmas stocking full of ammo;</p><p>4. Give thanks for your favorite Christmas present - a painting on black velvet;</p><p>5. Sign the neighbor’s petition over your Christmas lights;</p><p>6. Kiss your own wife at midnight at the New Year’s eve party; </p><p>7. Siphon gas from your lawn mower to put into your truck; </p><p>8. Icing - what you do to your front steps before your mother-in-law comes over; </p><p>9. Drink gas because you can run two and a half miles per hour faster; </p><p>10. Try to drown a fish; </p><p>11. Buy your jewelry at the hardware store; </p><p>12. Drink Labatt 50; </p><p>13. Knock the spider webs down to use the bathroom; </p><p>14. Go to the DMV to transfer the title to your home; </p><p>15. Yell to your Momma, “Hey, Aunt Betty!”; </p><p>16. Create a hairstyle called “The Hat Line”; </p><p>17. Have another can of your favorite meal – Spam; </p><p>18. Barbecue Spam on the grill; </p><p>19. Drive your pickup truck which has a bigger turning radius than your house; </p><p>20. Send a request to a major fragrance designer to try to recreate the smell of a dead skunk; </p><p>21. Appreciate your wife howling at the moon more than your huntin’ dogs; </p><p>22. Wear the same pair of boots have been in your family for five generations - and they’re only twenty years old; </p><p>23. Go swimmin’ in the drainage ditch behind your house; </p><p>24. Cuss and refer to your wife, Mamma, aunt, and sister with one word; </p><p>25. Have your kids fight with the dogs for their dinner; </p><p>26. Be thankful that you have more pet names for your huntin’ dog than for your girlfriend; </p><p>27. Mistake the offering plate for a spit can; </p><p>28. Go to church to pick up women; </p><p>29. Bring your dog with you to church; </p><p>30. Give thanks that Australia is ruled by the south because their flags are similar;</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1064597256, member: 14320"] Redneck New Year’s Resolutions 1. Stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by; 2. Give thanks that your Momma had “ammo” on her Christmas list; 3. Play with your Christmas stocking full of ammo; 4. Give thanks for your favorite Christmas present - a painting on black velvet; 5. Sign the neighbor’s petition over your Christmas lights; 6. Kiss your own wife at midnight at the New Year’s eve party; 7. Siphon gas from your lawn mower to put into your truck; 8. Icing - what you do to your front steps before your mother-in-law comes over; 9. Drink gas because you can run two and a half miles per hour faster; 10. Try to drown a fish; 11. Buy your jewelry at the hardware store; 12. Drink Labatt 50; 13. Knock the spider webs down to use the bathroom; 14. Go to the DMV to transfer the title to your home; 15. Yell to your Momma, “Hey, Aunt Betty!”; 16. Create a hairstyle called “The Hat Line”; 17. Have another can of your favorite meal – Spam; 18. Barbecue Spam on the grill; 19. Drive your pickup truck which has a bigger turning radius than your house; 20. Send a request to a major fragrance designer to try to recreate the smell of a dead skunk; 21. Appreciate your wife howling at the moon more than your huntin’ dogs; 22. Wear the same pair of boots have been in your family for five generations - and they’re only twenty years old; 23. Go swimmin’ in the drainage ditch behind your house; 24. Cuss and refer to your wife, Mamma, aunt, and sister with one word; 25. Have your kids fight with the dogs for their dinner; 26. Be thankful that you have more pet names for your huntin’ dog than for your girlfriend; 27. Mistake the offering plate for a spit can; 28. Go to church to pick up women; 29. Bring your dog with you to church; 30. Give thanks that Australia is ruled by the south because their flags are similar; [/QUOTE]
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