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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064511702" data-attributes="member: 14320">The Warning Signs of Insanity...* Everyone you meet appears to have tentacles growing out of places that you wouldn't expect tentacles to be growing from.* You start out each morning with a 30-minute jog around the bathroom.* You write to your mother in Germany every week, even though she sends you mail from Iowa asking why you never write.* Every time you see a street sign, you have a tremendous urge to relieve yourself on it.* You wear your boxers on your head because you heard it will ward of evil dandruff spirits.* You're always having to apologize to your next door neighbor for setting fire to his lawn decorations.* Every commercial you hear on the radio reminds you of death.* People stay away from you whenever they hear you howl.* Your breath smells more and more like squirrel dung each passing day.* Nobody listens to you anymore, because they can't understand you through that scuba mask.* You begin to stop and consider all of the blades of grass you've stepped on as a child, and worry that their ancestors are going to one day seek revenge.* You have meaningful conversations with your toaster.* Your father pretends you don't exist, just to play along with your little illusion.* You collect dead windowsill flies.* Every time the phone rings, you shout, "Hey! An angel just got its wings!"* You like cats. Especially with mayo.* You cry at the end of every episode of Gilligan's Island because they weren't rescued.* You put tennis balls in the microwave to see if they'll hatch.* You have a predominant fear of fabric softener.* Your dentist asks you why each individual tooth has your name etched on it, and you tell him it's for security reasons.* Melba toast excites you.* When the waiter asks for your order, you ask to go into another room to tell him because "the napkins have ears."* You tend to agree with everything your mother's dead uncle tells you.* You argue with yourself about which is better, to be eaten by a koala or to be loved by an infectious disease.* You like to sit in cornfields for prolonged periods of time, and pretend that you're a stalk.* You try to make a list of the Warning Signs of Insanity. (cough)* People offer you help, but you unfortunately interpret this as a violation of your rights as a boysenberry.* You despise the voices in your head, especially the one that speaks only Hindu.* You see migrating flocks of ducks in the fall and only your attachment to the toaster keeps you from joining them.* The person you always talk to is invisible to everyone but you.* You like reading lists like this.</blockquote>