Reply to thread

See what others are reading now! Try Forums > Current Activity

Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064496185" data-attributes="member: 14320">STORY: REBECCA vs. GARY(first paragraph by Rebecca)At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. Thecamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, nowreminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that heliked camomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind offCarl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him toomuch her asthma started acting up again. So camomile was out of thequestion.------------------------------------------------------(second paragraph by Gary)Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron nowin orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than theneuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he hadspent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," hesaid into his transgalactic communicator "Polar orbit established. No signof resistance so far..." But before he could sign off, a bluish particlebeam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargobay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat andacross the cockpit.----------------------------------------------------------(Rebecca)He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he felt onelast pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had everhad feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointlesshostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes LawPermanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaperone morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She staredout the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passedunhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television todistract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful thingsaround her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" shepondered wistfully.---------------------------------------------------------(Gary)Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousandsof miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first ofits lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed theUnilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had leftEarth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who weredetermined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passageof the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carryingenough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them,they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missileentered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret Mobilesubmarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt theinconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on theconference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty!Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"----------------------------------------------------------(Rebecca)This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. Mywriting partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.----------------------------------------------------------(Gary)Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts atwriting are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have camomiletea? Or shall I have some other sort of FUCKING TEA??? Oh no, I'm an airheaded bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."----------------------------------------------------------(Rebecca)Asshole.----------------------------------------------------------(Gary)Bitch.----------------------------------------------------------(Rebecca)Wanker.----------------------------------------------------------(Gary)Slut.---------------------------------------------------------(Rebecca)Get fucked.----------------------------------------------------------(Gary)Eat shit.--------------------------------------------------------(Rebecca)FUCK YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!----------------------------------------------------------(Gary)Go drink some tea - whore.----------------------------------------------------------(Teacher) A+ - I really liked this one.God Grant Me The Senility...God grant me the Senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.Now that I'm older, here's what I've discovered:1. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it.2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.3. I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.5. All reports are in; life is now officially unfair.6. If all is not lost, where is it?7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.8. Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.9. I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few.10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.11. Can't remember...read #4 again.12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.13. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.15. When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?16. It's not hard to meet expenses; they're everywhere.17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter. I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm here after.Little Johnny's mother decided to tell him all about makingbabies, so she had "the talk" with him. Afterwards LittleJohnny just sat there silently for awhile."Do you understand?" his mother asked."Yes," replied Little Johnny."Do you have any questions?" asked his Mother."Yes, how about little kittens and puppies?" asked LittleJohnny."In exactly the same way as with babies", answered his Mom."Wow!" Little Johnny exclaimed. "My daddy will fuck ANYTHING!"The Passion PeachThe peach is definitely the most sensuous of all fruits.If you didn't think so before, just wait until after you try this technique.Here's What You Need:One medium to large peach.One knife.Here's How You Do It:Before you make love, cut a circle about an inch and a halfin diameter all the way through the peach from the top down.Remove the core, including the pit.Get your man naked. With him standing, kneel down in front him.Slide the peach over his penis until it is all the way to the backof the shaft and continue holding it with your hand.Pleasure your man orally while, at the same time, squeezing and rotating the peach.Turn it clockwise, then counterclockwise, and move it up and down the shaft.The juice from the peach will trickle down the shaft, onto the head and into your mouth.Continue pleasuring him orally and rotating the peach until you've extracted the delectable nectar.Were you a more elegant chap,I'd ask to sit down on your lapCross-legg'd, like a swamiFor 'hide the salami',But it seems that you're ill with the clap!Q: What do electric trains and women's breasts have in common??A: They were originally intended for children, but it's the men who play with them the most.We know cunnilingus is grand,But what I cannot understand,Who was the first guy,To give it a try...?I think we should give him a hand! Blow Job EtiquetteBlowjob Etiquette (by a female)1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one, be grateful.3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face.4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow.5. My ears are NOT handles.6. Extension to rule #5 - do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really WANT puke on your dick?7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it through your head - I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex right now.9. Extension to #8 - "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls - if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude.13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the protein content.14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning".Rebuttal Etiquette (by a male)1. First of all, yes you're obligated to do it. If you don't, we will find someone (younger, prettier and dirtier) who will.2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a hell of a lot easier than licking a dead fish.3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything to you?4. I will use your ears as I see fit. don't worry about it and be thankful I'm not pulling your hair.5. When you're on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is the only way to stop you from bitching and moaning. Suck it up!6. Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five straight days, you need all the fluids you can get. trust me.7. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get the short end of the stick in flavor country.8. At least there is no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth.9. Play with the balls.10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.11. Caress the ass, too. We like that!12. Make hay when the sun shines. it's "wide awake" in the morning now, but when you get old & fat and looking for some action, I gah-ron-tee it'll be "sound asleep".13. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on your face, now will you?</blockquote>

Verification

The Marketplace Latest

original rare Yokohama ADVAN Racing TC4 18x8.5...
- Started by david tao
- Chassis and Wheels
original rare Rays Volk Racing ZE40 17x9jj offset...
- Started by david tao
- Chassis and Wheels
original rare Rays Volk Racing INGS TS06 18x8jj...
- Started by david tao
- Chassis and Wheels
New original Defi Advance A1 NA package triple...
- Started by david tao
- Engine and Performance
original rare Rays Volk Racing CE28 16x7jj offset...
- Started by david tao
- Chassis and Wheels
Honda Jazz/Fit JSracing GTwing Spoiler
- Started by jeff6126
- Exterior and Body
Toyota Vios NCP93 front bonnet hood
- Started by jeff6126
- Exterior and Body
Honda civic fc varis spoiler
- Started by jeff6126
- Exterior and Body
BMW F10 Msport front bumper set
- Started by jeff6126
- Exterior and Body
BMW F30 M3/GTS front bonnet hood
- Started by jeff6126
- Exterior and Body

Posts refresh every 5 minutes

Cobb Tuning AccessPORT

"If any of you need an AccessPORT, don't hesitate to contact me. I'll hook you up. For more info, check out cobbtuning.com."

This...
View attachment 669164

+

This...
View attachment 669165

= ...

Radiator for Rb25

hi there all sifu....

my old R34 Gtt's radiator need to replace...
may i know de Gtr ori radiator can fix to our Gtt?
R33 and R34 Rb25 sharing same a radiator sizes?

am very noob and learning as i go along,any...

need info!!!

hey guyz, pls let me know the i can modd the safety cars lights into my car? the safety cars lights blinks so bright and fast. u know where i can get those ?? or any idea how to make them ?? i really need...