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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064492288" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Navy">Two Deaf People</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language.</p><p></p><p>After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution.</p><p></p><p>"Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time."</p><p></p><p>The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea, Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis......fifty times"</p><p><strong><span style="color: Blue">____________</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Tim Had Traveled To Peru</p><p>In Search Of The Ultimate Screw.</p><p>When His Trip Was Complete,</p><p>He Zipped Up His Meat</p><p>And Said To The Ladies, ''Thank You!''</p><p><strong><span style="color: Blue">_____________</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Q: Why is a man's pee yellow and his sperm white?</p><p>A: So he can tell whether he is coming or going.</p><p></p><p>Q: What do men and sperm have in common?</p><p>A: They both have a one-in-a-million chance of</p><p>becoming a human being.</p><p></p><p>Q: How many men does it take to change a roll of</p><p>toilet paper?</p><p>A: Don't know. It has never happened!</p><p></p><p>Q: How does a man take a bubble bath?</p><p>A: He eats beans for dinner.</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Navy">Freak Test</span></strong></p><p></p><p>1. Have you ever had intercourse? (5pts)</p><p>2. Oral Sex: Giving to Orgasm (5 pts) Receiving (5pts)</p><p>3. Licked an ass? (5pts)</p><p>4. Had your ass licked? (5pts)</p><p>5. Stuck your tongue in their ass? (10pts)</p><p>6. Swallowed Cum? (5pts)</p><p>7. Practiced Bondage or BDSM ? (5pts)</p><p>8. Had anal sex? (5pts)</p><p>9. Had an orgasm from anal sex? (5pts)</p><p>10. Ever squirted or made someone squirt? (10pts)</p><p>11. Squirted from oral or made someone squirt? (5pts)</p><p>12. Had sex with someone of the same sex? (5pts)</p><p>13. Did a threesome? (5pts)</p><p>14. Did a foursome? (5pts)</p><p>15. Been in an Orgy? (5pts)</p><p>16. Been in a gangbang? (5pts)</p><p>17. Had sex in public? (5pts)</p><p>18. Snowballed (swapping cum) with someone? (10pts)</p><p>19. Had your toes licked or sucked? (5pts)</p><p>20. Licked or sucked someone's toes? (5pts)</p><p>21. Had sex with more than one person (one on one only) in a day? (10pts)</p><p>22. Had sex with more than one person (one on one only) in a week? (10pts)</p><p>23. Had cyber sex or phone sex? (5pts)</p><p>24. Reached an orgasm? (5pts)</p><p>25. Watched porn? (5pts)</p><p>26. Bought a dirty magazine? (5pts)</p><p>27. Posted nude pictures of you on the net? (5pts)</p><p>28. Let someone video tape you having sex? (5pts)</p><p>29. Had sex without protection? (5pts)</p><p>30. Had someone give you a cum facial or gave someone a cum facial? (5pts)</p><p>31. Have you participated in any type of golden showers? (10pts)</p><p>32. Have you let anyone or have you shit on anyone? (10pts)</p><p>33. Had sex with a friend's significant other? (10pts)</p><p>34. Ever did one of your significant others friends or relative? (10pts)</p><p>35. Have you ever cheated on your significant other? (5pts)</p><p>36. Made someone pass out from sex? (10pts)</p><p>37. Tasted your own cum? (5pts)</p><p>38. Masturbated? (5pts)</p><p>39. Let someone watch you? (5pts)</p><p>40. Ever showed you naked on cam? (5pts)</p><p>41. Had sex while on your period or while someone was on their period?(10pts)</p><p>42. Been ate or eaten someone? (10pts)</p><p>43. Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour? (10pts)</p><p>44. Had sex in a vehicle? (5pts)</p><p>45. Been caught having sex? (5pts)</p><p>46. Paid for sex? (5pts)</p><p>47. Used toys during sex? (5pts) Used food? (5pts)</p><p>48. Like pain from a little to extreme during sex? (5pts)</p><p>49. Ever been dominated in bed? (5pts)</p><p>50. Ever had a wet dream? (5pts)</p><p>51. Like to have your ass slapped during sex? (5pts)</p><p>52. Like having your nipples licked, sucked, or bitten? (5pts)</p><p>53. Had sex with someone you didn't know their name? (10pts)</p><p><strong><span style="color: Blue">~~~</span></strong></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: RoyalBlue">Scoring ...</span></em></strong></p><p></p><p>0 - 50 Average man or woman (need to be a little more adventurous)</p><p>51 - 100 Beginner Freak (keep up the good work)</p><p>101 - 150 Big Freak (your heading in the right direction)</p><p>151 - 200 Professional Freak (you could charge for your services)</p><p>201 - 250 King or Queen Freak (others will never forget you)</p><p>251 - over SUPER FREAK (you could write the book, teach the class, and hang the certificate on your wall)</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Navy"> Some X-Rated Movie / TV Titles</span></strong></p><p></p><p>*All That Jizz</p><p>*Anus the Menace</p><p>*The Cockford Files</p><p>*The Cunt of Miss October</p><p>*Enema of the State</p><p>*Fast Times on Rich Mens' Thighs</p><p>*Howard The Fuck</p><p>*Mr. Holland Groped Us</p><p>*Titti Slickers II</p><p>*The Search for the Golden Curlies</p><p>*Willy Wanker at the Fudge-Packing Factory</p><p></p><p></p><p>There's nothing better than waking up to your</p><p>girlfriend giving you a blowjob. Unless, maybe,</p><p>it was your wife giving you the blowjob. Or maybe</p><p>your wife watching *her* girlfriend give you a</p><p>blowjob. Better yet, your wife and her girlfriend</p><p>*and* your girlfriend all fighting over who gets</p><p>to give you a blowjob and they all decide to</p><p>tag team on the blowjob. The common theme,</p><p>though, would be getting a blowjob.</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Navy">Cruising Down The Highway</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A young couple was out cruising one evening.</p><p>While driving down the highway, the guy says to the girl,</p><p>"I know you love going fast!</p><p>"If I go 100 miles an hour, will you take off all your clothes?"</p><p>"Yes!" she agrees and he begins to speed up.</p><p>When the speedometer hits 100 she starts to strip.</p><p>When she gets all her clothes off, he is so busy staring at her that he drives</p><p>off the road and flips the car over. The girl is thrown clear without a scratch</p><p>but her clothes and her boyfriend are trapped in the car.</p><p>"Go get help," he pleads. She replies, "I can't, I'm naked."</p><p>He points to his shoe that was thrown clear and says,</p><p>"Cover your crotch with that and go get help from that gas station down the road."</p><p>She takes the shoe, covers herself between the legs,</p><p>and runs to the gas station down the road. When she arrives, she is frantic and</p><p>yells to the attendant, "Help! Help! My boyfriend's stuck!" The attendant looks</p><p>down at the shoe covering her crotch and replies with astonishment,</p><p>"I think it's too late . . . he's too far in!"</p><p><strong><span style="color: Blue">__________</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Q: What's the main difference between mayonnaise and semen?</p><p>A: Mayonnaise doesn't hit the back of a girl's throat at thirty miles per hour.</p><p></p><p>Q: Did you hear the one about the homosexual ghosts?</p><p>A: They gave each other the willies.</p><p></p><p>Daffyniton - Jell-O: Kool-Aid with a hard on</p><p></p><p>Q: How can you get a faggot to fuck a female?</p><p>A: Fill up her cunt with shit.</p><p></p><p>Husband to wife: "When you die, I'm going to inscribe your tombstone: 'Here lies my wife...Cold as usual.'"</p><p>Wife to husband: "When you die, I'm going to inscribe your tombstone: 'Here lies my husband...Stiff at last.'"</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1064492288, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Navy"]Two Deaf People[/COLOR][/B] Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution. "Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time." The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea, Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis......fifty times" [B][COLOR="Blue"]____________[/COLOR][/B] Tim Had Traveled To Peru In Search Of The Ultimate Screw. When His Trip Was Complete, He Zipped Up His Meat And Said To The Ladies, ''Thank You!'' [B][COLOR="Blue"]_____________[/COLOR][/B] Q: Why is a man's pee yellow and his sperm white? A: So he can tell whether he is coming or going. Q: What do men and sperm have in common? A: They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being. Q: How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? A: Don't know. It has never happened! Q: How does a man take a bubble bath? A: He eats beans for dinner. [B][COLOR="Navy"]Freak Test[/COLOR][/B] 1. Have you ever had intercourse? (5pts) 2. Oral Sex: Giving to Orgasm (5 pts) Receiving (5pts) 3. Licked an ass? (5pts) 4. Had your ass licked? (5pts) 5. Stuck your tongue in their ass? (10pts) 6. Swallowed Cum? (5pts) 7. Practiced Bondage or BDSM ? (5pts) 8. Had anal sex? (5pts) 9. Had an orgasm from anal sex? (5pts) 10. Ever squirted or made someone squirt? (10pts) 11. Squirted from oral or made someone squirt? (5pts) 12. Had sex with someone of the same sex? (5pts) 13. Did a threesome? (5pts) 14. Did a foursome? (5pts) 15. Been in an Orgy? (5pts) 16. Been in a gangbang? (5pts) 17. Had sex in public? (5pts) 18. Snowballed (swapping cum) with someone? (10pts) 19. Had your toes licked or sucked? (5pts) 20. Licked or sucked someone's toes? (5pts) 21. Had sex with more than one person (one on one only) in a day? (10pts) 22. Had sex with more than one person (one on one only) in a week? (10pts) 23. Had cyber sex or phone sex? (5pts) 24. Reached an orgasm? (5pts) 25. Watched porn? (5pts) 26. Bought a dirty magazine? (5pts) 27. Posted nude pictures of you on the net? (5pts) 28. Let someone video tape you having sex? (5pts) 29. Had sex without protection? (5pts) 30. Had someone give you a cum facial or gave someone a cum facial? (5pts) 31. Have you participated in any type of golden showers? (10pts) 32. Have you let anyone or have you shit on anyone? (10pts) 33. Had sex with a friend's significant other? (10pts) 34. Ever did one of your significant others friends or relative? (10pts) 35. Have you ever cheated on your significant other? (5pts) 36. Made someone pass out from sex? (10pts) 37. Tasted your own cum? (5pts) 38. Masturbated? (5pts) 39. Let someone watch you? (5pts) 40. Ever showed you naked on cam? (5pts) 41. Had sex while on your period or while someone was on their period?(10pts) 42. Been ate or eaten someone? (10pts) 43. Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour? (10pts) 44. Had sex in a vehicle? (5pts) 45. Been caught having sex? (5pts) 46. Paid for sex? (5pts) 47. Used toys during sex? (5pts) Used food? (5pts) 48. Like pain from a little to extreme during sex? (5pts) 49. Ever been dominated in bed? (5pts) 50. Ever had a wet dream? (5pts) 51. Like to have your ass slapped during sex? (5pts) 52. Like having your nipples licked, sucked, or bitten? (5pts) 53. Had sex with someone you didn't know their name? (10pts) [B][COLOR="Blue"]~~~[/COLOR] [I][COLOR="RoyalBlue"]Scoring ...[/COLOR][/I][/B] 0 - 50 Average man or woman (need to be a little more adventurous) 51 - 100 Beginner Freak (keep up the good work) 101 - 150 Big Freak (your heading in the right direction) 151 - 200 Professional Freak (you could charge for your services) 201 - 250 King or Queen Freak (others will never forget you) 251 - over SUPER FREAK (you could write the book, teach the class, and hang the certificate on your wall) [B][COLOR="Navy"] Some X-Rated Movie / TV Titles[/COLOR][/B] *All That Jizz *Anus the Menace *The Cockford Files *The Cunt of Miss October *Enema of the State *Fast Times on Rich Mens' Thighs *Howard The Fuck *Mr. Holland Groped Us *Titti Slickers II *The Search for the Golden Curlies *Willy Wanker at the Fudge-Packing Factory There's nothing better than waking up to your girlfriend giving you a blowjob. Unless, maybe, it was your wife giving you the blowjob. Or maybe your wife watching *her* girlfriend give you a blowjob. Better yet, your wife and her girlfriend *and* your girlfriend all fighting over who gets to give you a blowjob and they all decide to tag team on the blowjob. The common theme, though, would be getting a blowjob. [B][COLOR="Navy"]Cruising Down The Highway[/COLOR][/B] A young couple was out cruising one evening. While driving down the highway, the guy says to the girl, "I know you love going fast! "If I go 100 miles an hour, will you take off all your clothes?" "Yes!" she agrees and he begins to speed up. When the speedometer hits 100 she starts to strip. When she gets all her clothes off, he is so busy staring at her that he drives off the road and flips the car over. The girl is thrown clear without a scratch but her clothes and her boyfriend are trapped in the car. "Go get help," he pleads. She replies, "I can't, I'm naked." He points to his shoe that was thrown clear and says, "Cover your crotch with that and go get help from that gas station down the road." She takes the shoe, covers herself between the legs, and runs to the gas station down the road. When she arrives, she is frantic and yells to the attendant, "Help! Help! My boyfriend's stuck!" The attendant looks down at the shoe covering her crotch and replies with astonishment, "I think it's too late . . . he's too far in!" [B][COLOR="Blue"]__________[/COLOR][/B] Q: What's the main difference between mayonnaise and semen? A: Mayonnaise doesn't hit the back of a girl's throat at thirty miles per hour. Q: Did you hear the one about the homosexual ghosts? A: They gave each other the willies. Daffyniton - Jell-O: Kool-Aid with a hard on Q: How can you get a faggot to fuck a female? A: Fill up her cunt with shit. Husband to wife: "When you die, I'm going to inscribe your tombstone: 'Here lies my wife...Cold as usual.'" Wife to husband: "When you die, I'm going to inscribe your tombstone: 'Here lies my husband...Stiff at last.'" [/QUOTE]
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