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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064474242" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Purple">West Virginia Folk</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A guy from West Virginia passed away and left his entire estate to his</p><p>beloved widow, but she can't touch it 'til she's 14.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Blue">=</span></strong></p><p>How can you tell if a West Virginia redneck is married? There's dried</p><p>tobacco juice on both sides of his pickup truck.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Blue">=</span></strong></p><p>Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in West</p><p>Virginia to 32? It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high</p><p>schools.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Blue">=</span></strong></p><p>What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in West Virginia? Documentaries.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Blue">=</span></strong></p><p>Where was the toothbrush invented? West Virginia. If it had been</p><p>invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teeth brush.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Blue">=</span></strong></p><p>A West Virginia State trooper pulls over a pickup on I-64 and says to</p><p>the driver, "Got any I.D.?" and the driver replies "Bout wut?"</p><p><strong><span style="color: Blue">=</span></strong></p><p>Did you hear about the $3 million West Virginia State Lottery? The</p><p>winner gets $3.00 a year for a million years.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Blue">=</span></strong></p><p>The governor's mansion in West Virginia burned down! Yep. Pert' near</p><p>took out the whole trailer park. The library was a total loss, too.</p><p>Both books went up in flames and they hadn't even finished coloring one</p><p>of them.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Blue">=</span></strong></p><p>A new law was recently passed in West Virginia. When a couple gets</p><p>divorced, they are STILL cousins.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Blue">=</span></strong></p><p>At the scene of the accident a trooper asked the West Virginia driver</p><p>what gear he was in at the moment of impact. He replied, "tractor hat</p><p>and camouflage hunting outfit"</p><p><strong><span style="color: Blue">=</span></strong></p><p>Folks in West Virginia now go to movies in groups of 18. They were told</p><p>"17 and under are not admitted".</p><p><strong><span style="color: Blue">=</span></strong></p><p>A West Virginia man walked into a Kwik Stop and asked for all the cash</p><p>in the drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the</p><p>store clerk and worked the counter himself for 3 hours until police</p><p>showed up and grabbed him.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Blue">=</span></strong></p><p>A West Virginia man spoke frantically into the phone, 'my wife is</p><p>pregnant and her contractions are only 2 minutes apart!" "Is this her</p><p>first child?", the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her</p><p>husband!"</p><p><strong><span style="color: Blue"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: Blue">=================================================================</span></strong></p><p>I have learned that if you upset your wife she nags you..... If you</p><p>upset her even more you get the silent treatment. Don't you think it's</p><p>worth the extra effort?</p><p><strong><span style="color: Blue">=================================================================</span></strong></p><p>When your wife asks, "Do I look fat?"</p><p>The correct response is, "Do I look stupid?"</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Purple"> "I Own That"</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and a knockout-looking</p><p>Vegas hooker catches his eye. He strikes up a conversation And</p><p>eventually asks the hooker,</p><p></p><p>"How much do you charge?"</p><p>Hooker replies, " It starts at $500 for a hand-job."</p><p></p><p>Guy says, "$500 dollars! For a hand-job! Holy crap, no Hand-job is</p><p>worth that kind of money!"</p><p></p><p>The hooker says, "Do you see that Denny's on the corner?"</p><p>"Yes. "Do you see the Denny's about a block further down?"</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>"And beyond that, do you see that third Denny's?"</p><p>"Yes."</p><p></p><p>"Well," says the hooker, smiling invitingly, "I own those. And, I</p><p>own them because I give a hand-job that's worth $500."</p><p></p><p>Guy says, "What the hell? You only live once. I'll give it a try."</p><p>They retire to a nearby motel. A short time later, the guy is</p><p>sitting on the bed realizing that he just experienced the hand-job</p><p>of a lifetime, worth every bit of $500. He is so am azed,</p><p></p><p>he says, "I suppose a blow-job is $1,000?"</p><p></p><p>The hooker replies, "$1,500."</p><p></p><p>"I wouldn't pay that for a blow-job!"</p><p></p><p>The hooker replies, "Step over here to the window, big boy. Do you</p><p>see that casino just across the street? I own that casino outright.</p><p>And I own it because I give a blow-job that's worth every Cent of</p><p>$1,500."</p><p></p><p>The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific hand-job,</p><p>Decides to put off the new car for another year or so,</p><p>and says, "Sign me up."</p><p></p><p>Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than before.</p><p>He can scarcely believe it but, he feels he truly got his money's worth.</p><p>He decides to dip into the retirement savings for one Glorious and</p><p>unforgettable experience.</p><p></p><p>He asks the hooker, "How much for some pussy?"</p><p></p><p>The hooker says,</p><p>"Come over here to the window, I want to Show you</p><p>something. Do you see how the whole city of Las Vegas is laid out</p><p>before us, all those beautiful lights, gambling palaces, and show</p><p>places?"</p><p></p><p>"Damn!" the guy says, in awe, "You own the whole city?"</p><p>No," the hooker replies, "but I would if I had a pussy."</p><p><strong><span style="color: Blue">________</span></strong></p><p></p><p>One day, a blonde and a brunette were out for</p><p>a ride in the blonde's new car.</p><p>Suddenly, some jerk pulled in front of them.</p><p>The blonde then put her lips on the steering wheel.</p><p>The brunette feared for her life, but had the courage</p><p>To ask, "What are you doing?!"</p><p>The blonde calmly replied, "I'm trying to blow the horn."</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1064474242, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Purple"]West Virginia Folk[/COLOR][/B] A guy from West Virginia passed away and left his entire estate to his beloved widow, but she can't touch it 'til she's 14. [B][COLOR="Blue"]=[/COLOR][/B] How can you tell if a West Virginia redneck is married? There's dried tobacco juice on both sides of his pickup truck. [B][COLOR="Blue"]=[/COLOR][/B] Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in West Virginia to 32? It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools. [B][COLOR="Blue"]=[/COLOR][/B] What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in West Virginia? Documentaries. [B][COLOR="Blue"]=[/COLOR][/B] Where was the toothbrush invented? West Virginia. If it had been invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teeth brush. [B][COLOR="Blue"]=[/COLOR][/B] A West Virginia State trooper pulls over a pickup on I-64 and says to the driver, "Got any I.D.?" and the driver replies "Bout wut?" [B][COLOR="Blue"]=[/COLOR][/B] Did you hear about the $3 million West Virginia State Lottery? The winner gets $3.00 a year for a million years. [B][COLOR="Blue"]=[/COLOR][/B] The governor's mansion in West Virginia burned down! Yep. Pert' near took out the whole trailer park. The library was a total loss, too. Both books went up in flames and they hadn't even finished coloring one of them. [B][COLOR="Blue"]=[/COLOR][/B] A new law was recently passed in West Virginia. When a couple gets divorced, they are STILL cousins. [B][COLOR="Blue"]=[/COLOR][/B] At the scene of the accident a trooper asked the West Virginia driver what gear he was in at the moment of impact. He replied, "tractor hat and camouflage hunting outfit" [B][COLOR="Blue"]=[/COLOR][/B] Folks in West Virginia now go to movies in groups of 18. They were told "17 and under are not admitted". [B][COLOR="Blue"]=[/COLOR][/B] A West Virginia man walked into a Kwik Stop and asked for all the cash in the drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for 3 hours until police showed up and grabbed him. [B][COLOR="Blue"]=[/COLOR][/B] A West Virginia man spoke frantically into the phone, 'my wife is pregnant and her contractions are only 2 minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?", the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!" [B][COLOR="Blue"] =================================================================[/COLOR][/B] I have learned that if you upset your wife she nags you..... If you upset her even more you get the silent treatment. Don't you think it's worth the extra effort? [B][COLOR="Blue"]=================================================================[/COLOR][/B] When your wife asks, "Do I look fat?" The correct response is, "Do I look stupid?" [B][COLOR="Purple"] "I Own That"[/COLOR][/B] A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and a knockout-looking Vegas hooker catches his eye. He strikes up a conversation And eventually asks the hooker, "How much do you charge?" Hooker replies, " It starts at $500 for a hand-job." Guy says, "$500 dollars! For a hand-job! Holy crap, no Hand-job is worth that kind of money!" The hooker says, "Do you see that Denny's on the corner?" "Yes. "Do you see the Denny's about a block further down?" "Yes." "And beyond that, do you see that third Denny's?" "Yes." "Well," says the hooker, smiling invitingly, "I own those. And, I own them because I give a hand-job that's worth $500." Guy says, "What the hell? You only live once. I'll give it a try." They retire to a nearby motel. A short time later, the guy is sitting on the bed realizing that he just experienced the hand-job of a lifetime, worth every bit of $500. He is so am azed, he says, "I suppose a blow-job is $1,000?" The hooker replies, "$1,500." "I wouldn't pay that for a blow-job!" The hooker replies, "Step over here to the window, big boy. Do you see that casino just across the street? I own that casino outright. And I own it because I give a blow-job that's worth every Cent of $1,500." The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific hand-job, Decides to put off the new car for another year or so, and says, "Sign me up." Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than before. He can scarcely believe it but, he feels he truly got his money's worth. He decides to dip into the retirement savings for one Glorious and unforgettable experience. He asks the hooker, "How much for some pussy?" The hooker says, "Come over here to the window, I want to Show you something. Do you see how the whole city of Las Vegas is laid out before us, all those beautiful lights, gambling palaces, and show places?" "Damn!" the guy says, in awe, "You own the whole city?" No," the hooker replies, "but I would if I had a pussy." [B][COLOR="Blue"]________[/COLOR][/B] One day, a blonde and a brunette were out for a ride in the blonde's new car. Suddenly, some jerk pulled in front of them. The blonde then put her lips on the steering wheel. The brunette feared for her life, but had the courage To ask, "What are you doing?!" The blonde calmly replied, "I'm trying to blow the horn." [/QUOTE]
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