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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064433208" data-attributes="member: 14320">50 Dumb Uses For Used Condoms...1) Bicycle handle grips.2) French tickler animals.3) Shower caps for people with tiny heads.4) Put one on a light bulb for mood lighting.5) Fill one with helium and tie a note to it.6) Get 1000 and make a submarine.7) Put one over the showerhead to surprise Dad.8) Put 'em on your cat's feet to keep it from climbing the curtains.9) Blow a bunch up and tie them to the cars outside a wedding.10) Put one on your nose and be Bobo the clown.11) Water wings for those non-swimmers.12) Use 500 of them to spell out "We Want Women!!" on your house.13) Jello molds.14) Finger puppets.15) A wind sock.16) Use as a bobber when fishing.17) Put them on soda cans to keep the fizz in when you're not drinking it.18) Practical joke: Put one on an exhaust pipe.19) Suspenders.20) Recycle as a Burger King ketchup baggie. (or would mayonnaise be better?)21) Small animal muzzle.22) Put them on your fingers & play proctologist.23) Put them on your toes to make swimfins.24) Draw eyeballs on them and make funny glasses.25) Automatic door closing devices.26) Have 'water' balloon fights.27) Glue a bunch together and use to replace silicon breast implants.28) Freeze them for an all- natural popsicle.29) Glue several together and sell as a "Stretch Man" toy.30) Use for a Xmas stocking stuffings for those that screwed you.31) Ear/nose plugs.32) Use 365 of them to make into a tire, and call it a "Good Year".33) Replace those old "Dr. Scholls" shoe cushions.34) Feed them to your pet iguana, Clyde.35) Paint scales on them & put them in a fishtank.36) "I challenge you to a duel!"37) Drain plugs.38) Put them in with your tax return.39) Go see "Saturday Night Fever" and throw them at the screen.40) Punching bags.41) Hang them on the blades of a ceiling fan.42) Send 69 of them to your ex-girlfriend.43) Novelty key rings.44) Hang them all around your windshield and be a chicano.45) Spell "Happy Birthday" on a cake.46) Break out your paints and make wax fruit.47) Glue them on your nipples and try to swing them in opposite directions.48) Make a patch work "water" bed.49) Put your money in one. Nobody will steal it!50) Stick one on the bridge of your nose and run around saying "Gobble Gobble". House Of Ill ReputeOne time when I was visiting Toronto I asked a chap where I could find a good house of ill repute. He gave me an address and said to ask for Sally.I went to the address and requested Sally. She took me to a room, stripped down and said, "Go ahead, but let me know how it is."After a few minutes I said, "It's not bad but a bit loose."She said, "Get off for a moment."I did that and she reached down and fiddled about with her privates."Try it now." she said.I did and found it better but still a bit loose, so I told her so. She repeated her actions and when I tried it again it was perfect.When we were finished and I was paying her I asked, "How do you manage to adjust it's size to fit anyone?""Well," she said, "I've been in this business for some time and have developed warts on one side and wormholes on the other. I just button them up."_______There once was a lady from France,Who took a long train ride by chance,The engineer fucked her, Before the Conductor,Whilst the fireman came in his pants.Young TimYoung Tim has just finished high school and, not being too bright, he wants to get a job at a local mechanic's workshop in Christchurch.Tim spies this advert for a job in a Motor Spares Shop and hurries over. Unfortunately, when he steps in there are already 2 guys there before him.Tim with tears in his eyes explains to the manager that he really needs the job. Manager looks at him and says, "You know what Tim - I'd really like to give you this job but see these two guys are here before you .. you're going to have be really something special to get this job you know!"Tim thinks now, mmmm, and then he says, "well boss, there is one thing - if you take a spark plug and stick it into my arse - I can tell you what type of spark plug it is."The manager goes "Wow .. that's something - lets test you out!"So Tim turns around and drops his pants. The boss takes a Bosch spark plug and shoves it into Tim's arse.Tim goes "eeeeeeeeeeee ..... Bosch!!".The boss, goes .. "Wow, that's really something - but lets test you out again!"He takes a NGK spark plug and shoves it into Tim's arse.Tim goes "eeeeeeeeeeee ..... NGK !!".The boss, goes .. "Wow, you're really good .. but, one more time - I need to be sure. "Boss thinks now, lets catch this guy out! He unzips his pants, takes out his penis and sticks it into Tim's arse.Tim goes "eeeeeeeeeeeee .... Champion!!!"========I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling my leg."Little Red Riding HoodLittle Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the BigBad Wolf crouched down behind a log. "My, what big eyes you have, Mr.Wolf," says Little Red Riding Hood. The surprised wolf jumps up and runsaway!!!Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, thistime he is crouched behind a tree stump. "My, what big ears you have Mr.Wolf," says Little Red Riding Hood. Again the surprised wolf jumps upand runs away.About 2 miles down the path, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again,this time crouched down behind a road sign. "My, what big teeth you haveMr. Wolf," taunts Little Red Riding Hood. With that the Big Bad Wolfjumps up and screams... ....."Will you get lost?! I'm just trying totake a shit!"There was a young lad that was graduating from high school.He couldn't get a date for the prom. His parentssuggested that he could take his sister.She agreed to attend the prom with her brother. After the the eveningended they headed home in dad's new SUV.As they were driving he looked at his sister and said"If you weren't my sister, I'd pull over to the side of the road"She replied "Just pretend I'm not your sister" After they parked, he said"If you weren't my sister, I'd like to kiss you"Again she replied "Just pretend I'm not your sister" So he gave her abig tongue kiss! Wow, "Damn if you weren't my sisterI'd like to fuck you" Again she replied "Pretend I'm not your sister"As the story goes, they fucked and had many delightful orgasms together.When they finished she remarked"Damn your dick is almost as big as dad's" to which he replied "Yep, that's what mom tells me!" Elderly PeopleThere were these two elderly people livingIn a Florida mobile home park. He was a widowerAnd she a widow. They had known one another forA number of years.One evening there was a community supper in theBig activity center. These two were at the sameTable, across from one another. As the meal wentOn, he made a few admiring glances at her andFinally gathered up his courage to ask her,"Will you marry me?" After about six seconds of carefulConsideration, she answered. "Yes, Yes, I will."The meal ended and with a few more pleasant exchanges,They went to their respective places. Next morning,He was troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?"He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could notRecall. Not even a faint memory.With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her.First, he explained to her that he didn't remember as wellAs he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past.As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her,"When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes'Or did you say 'No'?"He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes, yesI will' and I meant it with all my heart."Then she continued, "And I am so glad that you called,Because I couldn't remember who had asked me."Q: Did you hear about the blonde who went to the beach to have fun?A: She was told to leave after the lifeguard caught her going downfor the third time.Q: What do blondes call it when you pull off their pantyhose?A: Foreplay.Q: What is the ultimate dilemma for a blonde?A: Meeting a guy with herpes and a big dick.Q: What do blonde's like so much about tilt steering wheels in cars?A: More head room.</blockquote>

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