Menu
Home
Post Something
Forums
Current Activity
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
Latest activity
News & Features
The Marketplace
Cars for Sale
Engine and Performance
Chassis and Wheels
Exterior and Body
Interior and Cockpit
ICE - In Car Entertainment
Car Shops and Services
Toys and Wares
All Other Stuff
Jobs and Vacancies
Looking For
Members
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
Current Activity
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Reply to thread
See what others are reading now! Try Forums >
Current Activity
Home
Forums
Main Forums
General Talk
JeSt fOr LaUgHs...
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Message
<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064426392" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Hoohoo</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A man went to the hospital to have his wedding ring cut off from his hoohoo. </p><p>According to the Nurse attending, the patient's girl friend found the</p><p>ring in his pants pocket and she got so mad at him,she used petroleum</p><p>jelly to slip the ring on his hoohoo while he was asleep. I don't know</p><p>what's worse: </p><p>1) Having your girl friend find out you're married</p><p>2) Explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your hoohoo</p><p>3) Or finding out your hoohoo fits through your wedding ring</p><p></p><p></p><p>A BIG CAT can hurt you, but a LITTLE PUSSY never hurt any man.</p><p></p><p>What does a rooster have that a man wants?</p><p>A hard pecker.</p><p></p><p></p><p>I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.</p><p>That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Outside a Church in Boston a young boy is weeping, and an old lady approaches him and says, "What's wrong, honey?"</p><p></p><p>The little boy replies between sobs, "My Grandma passed away this morning."</p><p></p><p>"I'm so sorry to hear this," says the kind old lady. "Do you want me to call Father O'Riley?"</p><p></p><p>"No," replies the boy. "Sex is the last thing I have in mind."</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?</p><p>She missed.</p><p></p><p>Why can't blondes be cattle ranchers?</p><p>They can't keep their calves together!</p><p></p><p>What did the blonde name her pet zebra?</p><p>Spot.</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Murphy's Laws On Sex</span></strong></p><p></p><p>*The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave</p><p>her with no hard feelings.</p><p></p><p>*Nothing improves with age.</p><p></p><p>*No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it, because</p><p>it'll never be quite the same again.</p><p></p><p>*Sex has no calories.</p><p></p><p>*Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of</p><p>trouble.</p><p></p><p>*There is no remedy for sex but more sex.</p><p></p><p>*Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.</p><p></p><p>*No sex with anyone in the same office.</p><p></p><p>*Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or</p><p>how long it is going to last.</p><p></p><p>*Virginity can be cured.</p><p></p><p>*Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.</p><p></p><p>*The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same</p><p>ones she can't stand years later.</p><p></p><p>*Sex is dirty only if it's done right.</p><p></p><p>*It is always the wrong time of month.</p><p></p><p>*When the lights are out, all women are beautiful.</p><p></p><p>*Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't</p><p>either.</p><p></p><p>*Sow your wild oats on Saturday night -- Then on Sunday pray for crop</p><p>failure.</p><p></p><p>*The younger the better.</p><p></p><p>*Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly.</p><p></p><p>*Before you find your handsome prince, you've got to kiss a lot of frogs.</p><p></p><p>*Love your neighbor, but don't get caught.</p><p></p><p>*If the effort that went in research on the female bosom had gone into</p><p>our space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands on the moon.</p><p></p><p>*Love is a matter of chemistry. Sex is a matter of physics.</p><p></p><p>*Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter</p><p>words to convey its full meaning.</p><p></p><p>*You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women.</p><p></p><p>*Thou shall not commit adultery.....unless in the mood.</p><p></p><p>*A woman never forgets the men she could have had. A man, the women he</p><p>couldn't.</p><p></p><p>*What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.</p><p></p><p>*A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride.</p><p></p><p>*Love comes in spurts.</p><p></p><p>*Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are</p><p>unimportant.</p><p></p><p>*Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.</p><p></p><p>*Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another. </p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Horse Auction</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his</p><p>father. He watched as his father moved from horse</p><p>to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's</p><p>legs, rump, and chest.</p><p>After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why</p><p>are you doing that?"</p><p>His father replied, "Because when I'm buying</p><p>horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy</p><p>and in good shape before I buy."</p><p>Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think</p><p>the UPS guy wants to buy Mom."</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red"> </span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">ttttt</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A middle aged husband and wife were having</p><p>sex in the missionary position. Fifteen minutes went</p><p>by. Thirty. Forty-five.</p><p>Finally, the wife blurted out, "What's the matter,</p><p>honey, can't you fantasize about someone else, either?"</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">ttttt</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Q: Why do they say that eating yogurt and oysters</p><p>will improve your sex life?</p><p>A: Because if you can eat that stuff, you'll eat</p><p>anything.</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">ttttt</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Door bell rings. The man from next door says he needs help. His wife is having a seizure. Next door on the floor the wife is naked and thrashing about wildly. The man says help me hold her down. Once the wife's limbs are pinned the man rips off his clothes. "When I climb on let her loose!"</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">ttttt</span></strong></p><p></p><p>There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, "ATTENTION ALL" and farts loudly.</p><p>The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at the drunk and says" Excuse me, you just farted in front of my wife."</p><p>The drunk replies," I'm sorry I didn't know it was her turn." </p><p></p><p>There's a young couple in the cinema. The girl says, "I must have a piss, can I squeeze past you?"</p><p>"Why don't you squat down on the floor and do it" says the boyfriend. "You'll have to disturb all these people, besides its dark, no one will see you."</p><p>"OK" she says. She pulls her drawers down and squats on the floor. The bloke starts feeling horny at the thought of her down there, so he reaches down and makes a grab.</p><p>He feels something long and hard and says, "Urgh! Have you changed your sex?"</p><p>"No" she says "I've changed my mind... I'm having a shit instead."</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">©--------------------©©--------------------©</span></strong></p><p></p><p>In a hospital serving victims of land mines, a little girl wakes up from surgery.</p><p>Little Girl: Doctor, something is wrong... I can't feel my legs!</p><p>Doctor: Yes, we've had to amputate both your arms.</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">©--------------------©©--------------------©</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Two guys are stranded in the desert dying of thirst. As they're walking along they see a little shack. They run up to it and knock on the door. This big, fat, hairy, smelly, ugly, lady answers.</p><p>The first man tells the lady about their situation and begs her for a drink.</p><p>The women says, "Sure, if you fuck me."</p><p>The first man replies, "I would rather die in this desert, then sleep with your fat smelly ass."</p><p>The second man wants to live and agree's to do the deed. The second man and the women enter the shack, leaving the first man outside. The women says, "fuck me then!"</p><p>The man agrees to do it only if she will close her eyes. He looks around the shack and sees a table full of corn on the cob. He picks one up, fucks her with it and throws it out the window. The women opens her eyes and asks for it again.</p><p>The man agrees and repeats the deed. The women is finally satisfied and agrees to give the man and his friend some water. The man calls his friend in and informs him that the women is going to give them some water.</p><p>The friend replies, "Fuck the water, I want some more of that buttered corn."</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1064426392, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]Hoohoo[/COLOR][/B] A man went to the hospital to have his wedding ring cut off from his hoohoo. According to the Nurse attending, the patient's girl friend found the ring in his pants pocket and she got so mad at him,she used petroleum jelly to slip the ring on his hoohoo while he was asleep. I don't know what's worse: 1) Having your girl friend find out you're married 2) Explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your hoohoo 3) Or finding out your hoohoo fits through your wedding ring A BIG CAT can hurt you, but a LITTLE PUSSY never hurt any man. What does a rooster have that a man wants? A hard pecker. I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. Outside a Church in Boston a young boy is weeping, and an old lady approaches him and says, "What's wrong, honey?" The little boy replies between sobs, "My Grandma passed away this morning." "I'm so sorry to hear this," says the kind old lady. "Do you want me to call Father O'Riley?" "No," replies the boy. "Sex is the last thing I have in mind." Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air? She missed. Why can't blondes be cattle ranchers? They can't keep their calves together! What did the blonde name her pet zebra? Spot. [B][COLOR="Teal"]Murphy's Laws On Sex[/COLOR][/B] *The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings. *Nothing improves with age. *No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it, because it'll never be quite the same again. *Sex has no calories. *Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble. *There is no remedy for sex but more sex. *Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got. *No sex with anyone in the same office. *Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last. *Virginity can be cured. *Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself. *The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can't stand years later. *Sex is dirty only if it's done right. *It is always the wrong time of month. *When the lights are out, all women are beautiful. *Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either. *Sow your wild oats on Saturday night -- Then on Sunday pray for crop failure. *The younger the better. *Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly. *Before you find your handsome prince, you've got to kiss a lot of frogs. *Love your neighbor, but don't get caught. *If the effort that went in research on the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands on the moon. *Love is a matter of chemistry. Sex is a matter of physics. *Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning. *You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women. *Thou shall not commit adultery.....unless in the mood. *A woman never forgets the men she could have had. A man, the women he couldn't. *What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick. *A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride. *Love comes in spurts. *Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant. *Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. *Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another. [B][COLOR="Teal"]Horse Auction[/COLOR][/B] Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs, rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?" His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy." Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom." [B][COLOR="Red"] ttttt[/COLOR][/B] A middle aged husband and wife were having sex in the missionary position. Fifteen minutes went by. Thirty. Forty-five. Finally, the wife blurted out, "What's the matter, honey, can't you fantasize about someone else, either?" [B][COLOR="Red"]ttttt[/COLOR][/B] Q: Why do they say that eating yogurt and oysters will improve your sex life? A: Because if you can eat that stuff, you'll eat anything. [B][COLOR="Red"]ttttt[/COLOR][/B] Door bell rings. The man from next door says he needs help. His wife is having a seizure. Next door on the floor the wife is naked and thrashing about wildly. The man says help me hold her down. Once the wife's limbs are pinned the man rips off his clothes. "When I climb on let her loose!" [B][COLOR="Red"]ttttt[/COLOR][/B] There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, "ATTENTION ALL" and farts loudly. The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at the drunk and says" Excuse me, you just farted in front of my wife." The drunk replies," I'm sorry I didn't know it was her turn." There's a young couple in the cinema. The girl says, "I must have a piss, can I squeeze past you?" "Why don't you squat down on the floor and do it" says the boyfriend. "You'll have to disturb all these people, besides its dark, no one will see you." "OK" she says. She pulls her drawers down and squats on the floor. The bloke starts feeling horny at the thought of her down there, so he reaches down and makes a grab. He feels something long and hard and says, "Urgh! Have you changed your sex?" "No" she says "I've changed my mind... I'm having a shit instead." [B][COLOR="Red"]©--------------------©©--------------------©[/COLOR][/B] In a hospital serving victims of land mines, a little girl wakes up from surgery. Little Girl: Doctor, something is wrong... I can't feel my legs! Doctor: Yes, we've had to amputate both your arms. [B][COLOR="Red"]©--------------------©©--------------------©[/COLOR][/B] Two guys are stranded in the desert dying of thirst. As they're walking along they see a little shack. They run up to it and knock on the door. This big, fat, hairy, smelly, ugly, lady answers. The first man tells the lady about their situation and begs her for a drink. The women says, "Sure, if you fuck me." The first man replies, "I would rather die in this desert, then sleep with your fat smelly ass." The second man wants to live and agree's to do the deed. The second man and the women enter the shack, leaving the first man outside. The women says, "fuck me then!" The man agrees to do it only if she will close her eyes. He looks around the shack and sees a table full of corn on the cob. He picks one up, fucks her with it and throws it out the window. The women opens her eyes and asks for it again. The man agrees and repeats the deed. The women is finally satisfied and agrees to give the man and his friend some water. The man calls his friend in and informs him that the women is going to give them some water. The friend replies, "Fuck the water, I want some more of that buttered corn." [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
The Marketplace Latest
original rare Yokohama ADVAN Racing TC4 18x8.5...
Started by
david tao
Chassis and Wheels
original rare Rays Volk Racing ZE40 17x9jj offset...
Started by
david tao
Chassis and Wheels
original rare Rays Volk Racing INGS TS06 18x8jj...
Started by
david tao
Chassis and Wheels
New original Defi Advance A1 NA package triple...
Started by
david tao
Engine and Performance
original rare Rays Volk Racing CE28 16x7jj offset...
Started by
david tao
Chassis and Wheels
Honda Jazz/Fit JSracing GTwing Spoiler
Started by
jeff6126
Exterior and Body
Toyota Vios NCP93 front bonnet hood
Started by
jeff6126
Exterior and Body
Honda civic fc varis spoiler
Started by
jeff6126
Exterior and Body
BMW F10 Msport front bumper set
Started by
jeff6126
Exterior and Body
BMW F30 M3/GTS front bonnet hood
Started by
jeff6126
Exterior and Body
Posts refresh every 5 minutes
Cayman + SportDesign is here but limited to 15 cars via SDAP Malaysia.
Cayman + SportDesign is here but limited to 15 cars via SDAP Malaysia.
...
Selamat Hari Raya to MLOCians..
To all MLOC Members.
Hereby would like to take this opportunity to greet all our Muslim Members & Friends "Selamat Hari Raya" & Drive safe for those who balik kampung..
[URL...
E8 stock ecu to eliminate cut off.
Hi...evo's sifu..
Recent Posts
Darker Design : Mercedes-Benz Launches GLA Nightfall Edition in Malaysia
Started by
The_Mechanic
News and Features
Honda Malaysia Doubles Down on Hybrids: New CR-V Launches with Dual e:HEV...
Started by
The_Mechanic
News and Features
BateriHub Reaches 200-Store Milestone, Becomes Malaysia’s Largest...
Started by
The_Mechanic
News and Features
Been stalking for 3 years edy
Started by
dheepadarshan95
Introduction and Newbies
Recommendation: Turbocharger for 4B11 N.A engine
Started by
Mitevo7
Car Modification
Search
Online now
Enjoying Zerotohundred?
Log-in
for an ad-less experience
Home
Forums
Main Forums
General Talk
JeSt fOr LaUgHs...
