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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064419304" data-attributes="member: 14320">The Devil In HellThree men died and went to hell. When they get there the devil asks the first guy why he was there and he replied "I have a drinking problem." so the devil puts him in a room with every kind of alcohol he can imagine, then he locks the door. He then asks the 2nd guy why he was there the guy then says, "I can't stop cheating on my wife." The devil then puts him in a room with the hottest girl ever and locks the door. Then he asks the last guy why he was there he reply "I’m a pot smoker.” So the devil locks him in a room with lots and lots of pot. In a hundred years the devil comes back and unlocks the first door and the guy comes out and says,” I will never drink again! "So the devil sends him to heaven. He goes to the 2nd door and opens it and the guy comes out and says" I will never look at another woman again!" so the devil sends him to heaven. Finally he goes to the third door and opens it and goes in and there is the pot smoker sitting there with tears coming down his face. When devil asks him what is wrong he replies, " Hey man you got a light?"=======Two morons are riding around looking for a place to have a picnic. One moron says, "Hey, lets have a picnic over there under that tree." The other moron says," No, no, lets have it in the middle of the road." They fought and came to a decision to have it in the middle of the road. Not long afterwards a car came speeding towards them, swerved off the road and ran into the tree. One moron says, “See if we were over there we would be dead right now."Englishman, Irishman & a ScotsmanThere's an Englishman, Irishman & a Scotsman all talking about their teenage daughters.The Englishman says "I was cleaning my daughter's room the otherday & I found a packet of cigarettes. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she smokes".The Scotsman says "That's nothing. I was cleaning my daughter'sroom the other day when I came across a half full bottle of Vodka. Iwas really shocked as I didn't even know she drank."With that the Irishman says "Both of you have got nothing to worry about. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I foundpacket of condoms. I was really shocked. I didn't even know she had awilly."________A woman goes to see her Dr, and her Dr says what can I do for you today? and she says well I have three vaginas, oh the Dr said looking up in surprise can you lift your skirt and let me have a look, ok she said lifting her skirt, after about 10 mins of examination she say's well doc what can you do for me, well he says I can put a plaster on the vagina on the outside of your left leg and I can do the same with the right leg, leaving just the normal vagina exposed, mmmmmm she said and that will help me? no the Dr said, but it will stop you getting fucked left right and center.________A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution, bored out of their minds."How about having sex with a cat?" asked the zoophile."Lets have sex with the cat and then torture it," says the sadist."Lets have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it," shouted the murderer."Lets have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again," said the necrophile."Lets have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it," said the pyromaniac.Silence took over... then everyone turned to the masochist and asked:"So, what's it gonna be?"To which he replies, "Meow."Bear HuntingJon was excited about his new rifle and wanted to try it out, so he went bear hunting. He spotted a small black bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder and he turned round to see a larger black bear.The black bear said "You've got two choices, I either maul you to death or we have sex." Jon decided to bend over.Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Jon soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip, found the black bear, and shot it. Immediately, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a big brown bear stood right next to him.The brown bear said, "That was a huge mistake, Jon. You've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we'll have rough sex." Again, Jon thought it was better to comply.Although he survived, it was several months before Jon finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the brown bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned round to find a gigantic grizzly bear standing there.The grizzly bear said "Admit it, Jon, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"~~~~~~~A gal who was putting on airsKept attracting a great many stares.It seems that her dressUnder strain and duressHad split on her way down the stairs.While her garb suffered decomposition,She appeared not to know her condition.She assumed that those glancesWere ill-bred advancesNot gapes at her clothing's attrition.Humpty Dumpty sat on the bed,Little Bo Peep was giving him head,As soon as he came she started to weep,She knew by the taste he'd been screwin' her sheep.There's a young couple in the cinema. The girl says, "I must have a piss, can I squeeze past you?""Why don't you squat down on the floor and do it" says the boyfriend. "You'll have to disturb all these people, besides its dark, no one will see you.""OK" she says. She pulls her drawers down and squats on the floor. The bloke starts feeling horny at the thought of her down there, so he reaches down and makes a grab.He feels something long and hard and says, "Urgh! Have you changed your sex?""No" she says "I've changed my mind... I'm having a shit instead."©--------------------©©--------------------©In a hospital serving victims of land mines, a little girl wakes up from surgery.Little Girl: Doctor, something is wrong... I can't feel my legs!Doctor: Yes, we've had to amputate both your arms.©--------------------©©--------------------©Two guys are stranded in the desert dying of thirst. As they're walking along they see a little shack. They run up to it and knock on the door. This big, fat, hairy, smelly, ugly, lady answers.The first man tells the lady about their situation and begs her for a drink.The women says, "Sure, if you fuck me."The first man replies, "I would rather die in this desert, then sleep with your fat smelly ass."The second man wants to live and agree's to do the deed. The second man and the women enter the shack, leaving the first man outside. The women says, "fuck me then!"The man agrees to do it only if she will close her eyes. He looks around the shack and sees a table full of corn on the cob. He picks one up, fucks her with it and throws it out the window. The women opens her eyes and asks for it again.The man agrees and repeats the deed. The women is finally satisfied and agrees to give the man and his friend some water. The man calls his friend in and informs him that the women is going to give them some water.The friend replies, "Fuck the water, I want some more of that buttered corn."</blockquote>

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