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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064411686" data-attributes="member: 14320">Gentleman QuizWant to know if you're, or someone you know is a gentleman?1. In the company of feminists, intercourse should be referred to as:a) Lovemakingb) Screwingc) The pigskin bus pulling into tuna town2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:a) Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationshipb) Your blood-test resultsc) Five tequila slammers3. You time your orgasm so that:a) Your partner climaxes firstb) You both climax simultaneouslyc) You don't miss Sports Center4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:a) Healthy, creative love-playb) Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would ever agree toc) Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need ever find out about5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:a) The best part of the experienceb) The second best part of the experiencec) $100 extra6. Your girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in weight in the last month. You tell her that it is:a) No concern of yoursb) Not a problem - she can join your gymc) A conservative estimate7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:a) A mythb) An oxymoronc) A moron8. Foreplay is to sex as:a) Appetizer is to entreeb) Priming is to paintingc) A queue is to an amusement park ride9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?a) "I hope we can still be friends."b) "I'm not in right now. Please leave a message after the tone...."c) "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You."10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:a) Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacyb) Is uptight and a waste of timec) Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first placeIf you answered 'A' more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure you really are a man.If you answered 'B' more than 7 times, check into therapy, you're still a little confused.If you answered 'C' more than 7 times, call me up. Let's go drinking.Roses And VioletsRoses are awfulViolets are the pitsLift up your shirtAnd show us your titsRoses are straightViolets are twistedBend over loveYou're about to get fistedRoses are crapViolets are wankyOooh I've just comePass me a hankyRoses are stupidViolets are sillyGrease up your flapsCause here comes my willyRoses make me laughViolets make me bitterYou're a dirty bitchAnd you love it up the shitterRoses are redBut I like CarnationsYou're so bad in bedThat I fucked your AlsationRoses are redViolets are finerChickens are fowlJust like your vaginaRoses are redThat's elementaryLet's call up a friendAnd try double entryRoses are shitViolets are crapShow me your clitAnd I'll come in your lapRoses are redSkidmarks are brownGimmie a blow jobAnd swallow it downRoses are groovyViolets are funkyI'm thinking of youAnd spanking my monkeyNot The Best Pick-Up Lines- Your sister's a real knock-out. Is one of you adopted?- For the longest time I lived with a hairdresser named Bruce, but then I had this sudden relapse of heterosexuality.- When we get back to my apartment, whatever you do, don't tease the pony.- You know, if my wife wasn't so hung up on this faithfulness thing, she'd probably say you were my cutest girlfriend yet.- I had to break up with my last girlfriend. She welded a coat-hanger to the metal plate in my head and was using it as antenna to read my thoughts.- No, really, I read Playboy for the articles.- My most painful memory? Hmmm... That would have to be when those three guys cornered me in the showers in prison.- Who can blame Woody Allen?- After our last date, when I got home I had this aching in the pit of my stomach. I thought it was because I missed you, but it turned out to be food poisoning.- How about after dinner we take a romantic stroll by the oil refinery? The fumes will give you a really cool buzz.- Now I'm just speaking hypothetically here, but let's say you were at some guy's house, opened the refrigerator, and saw a human head. Would you call the cops?- I always wanted to be a doctor, but I couldn't get into med school, so now I just pursue gynecology as a hobby. I even have my own stirrups.~~~~~He looked deep into the eyes of the woman he loved andsaid, "My heart is broken. I saw you with another man yesterday.""Oh don't be silly!" she replied, "That was just myhusband, you know there's no one but you." City BoyA city boy was visiting the country and wanted to go hunting. Thefarmer lent the boy his gun, telling him not to kill any farm animals.The city boy headed off and soon after saw a goat. He managed to creepinto range and finally shot it. Not knowing anything about animals, theboy didn't know what he'd killed so he ran to the farmhouse anddescribed his kill to the farmer. "It had two saggy tits, a beard, ahard head and it stunk like hell!" said the boy. "Oh, shit!" said thefarmer. "You've shot the wife!"A typical family of hillbillies, Paw , Maw , Jethro and little Sally.One day, Jethro asked, "Paw, what is Sex?" Paw says, "Since you are abig boy I will show you." Paw hollers, "Maw get yourself in here!" Pawthen says,"Maw, take your clothes off and get on the bed. Now spreadyour legs. "Paw says,"Jethro see that thar little hole? Now watch this!"In the midst of Paw's demonstration Little Sally comes in and exclaims,"What is going on? "Jethro answers, "Paw is teaching me about sex."Little Sally asks, "What is Sex? "Jethro replies, "See that little holeon Paw? Now watch this!"One night, a horny old geezer decides to get himself a hooker. Sincethe man doesn't have much money, he looks for the cheapest whore in thenearest Red Light District. A short while later, he finds what he'slooking for and spends $10 for oral sex and intercourse. The nextmorning the old geezer wakes up and discovers he has crabs. So, he getsdressed and heads down to where he had been the night before. He noticesthe same hooker on the street corner, so he marches over to her andsays, "Hey, lady, you gave me crabs!" The hooker replies, "Hey, old man,what did you expect for $10? Lobster?"</blockquote>

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