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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064396753" data-attributes="member: 14320">A little rabbit is happily running through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint. The rabbit looks at her and says, “Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come with me running through the forest, you’ll see, you’ll feel so much better!” The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit. Then they come across an elephant doing coke, so the rabbit again says, “Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come running with us through the pretty forest, you’ll see, you’ll feel so good!” The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and all, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and the giraffe. The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up... “Lion my friend, why do you do this?” Think about your health! Come running with us through the sunny forest, you will feel so good!” The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and starts to beat the shit out of the little rabbit. As the giraffe and elephant watch in horror, they look at him and ask, “Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help us all!” The lion answers, “That little fucker makes me run around the forest like an idiot for hours every time he’s on ecstasy!”Q: What power do you have with two little green balls in your hand?A: Kermit the frog's undivided attention!!An elephant asked a camel, "why you have your breast on your back?”The camel replied, "what a silly question coming from someone who got his dick on his face."Q. How many animals can you fit in a pair of pantyhose?A 15, (10) little pigs, (2) calves, an ass, a beaver, and a fish nobody can findQ: What did the horny toad say to the frog?A: Rub it; Rub it!Q: What did the Doe say when she came out behind the brush??A: That's the last time I do that for two Bucks!!A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks, "Mom why have I got these huge three toed feet?"The mother replies, "Well son, when we trek across the desert your toes will help you to stay on top of the soft sand"."OK" said the son. A few minutes later the son asks, "Mom, why have I got these great long eyelashes?""They are there to keep the sand out of your eyes on the trips through the desert", the camel mother answers."Thanks Mom" replies the son. After a short while, the son returns and asks, "Mom, why have I got these great big humps on my back??"The mother, now a little impatient with the boy replies, "They are there to help us store water for our long treks across the desert, so we can go without drinking for long periods.""That's great mom, so we have huge feet to stop us sinking, and long eyelashes to keep the sand from our eyes and these humps to store water, but... Mom?""Yes son?""Why the heck are we in the San Diego zoo?" A zookeeper And His GorillaA man, having some time to kill, visited the local zoo.He was fascinated by a Gorilla cage that had a sign reading, 'This is the smartest Gorilla in captivity. He is a perfect mimic. Anything you can do, he can do'Always one to accept a challenge, the man scratched the top of his head. The Gorilla did the same, exactly.The man tickled his ribs. Gorilla followed suit.The man then placed a finger under his eye and dragged it a little downward. The Gorilla went nuts. He bent the bars of the cage, dragged the man inside and beat him nearly to death. The keeper spotted it in time and pulled the man out and sent him to the hospital.The zoo administrator visited the man and asked what he had done to the Gorilla. The man was outraged and explained that he did not do anything to the Gorilla, just followed the sign.After describing all his actions, the zookeeper said that the action of dragging down the eye was, in Gorilla sign language, a grievous insult (it was the same as 'screw you!'), so the Gorilla reacted naturally.The man was not happy with this and, for the 3 months he was in the hospital, he plotted a way to get revenge...He got out and purchased a straight razor and large salami.Hiding these, he went to the gorilla's cage and repeated the first 2 actions he had used before (scratched head, tickled ribs) and the gorilla, as before, copied them perfectly.The man then stuck the salami between his legs and sliced it in half with the razor...The Gorilla placed a finger below his eye and dragged it down.NNNNNWhat do you get if you cross an armadillo with a vibrator?An armadildo!What do elephants use as tampons?Sheep!What do you call a dog with no back legs and metal balls?Sparky!What did one lesbian frog say to the other?"You know, we do taste like chicken!"There are two fleas on a woman's pussy. One is smoking dope, what is the other doing?Sniffing crack! Dear Abby At A Total LossThe following are actual letters (hmmm maybe not) that Abigail Van Buren (Dear Abby)admitted she was at a total loss to answer:~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Dear Abby,A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is amiddle-aged gym teacher, and the other is a social worker in her midtwenties.These two women go everywhere together, and I've never seen a mango into their apartment or come out. Do you think they could be Lebanese?~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Dear Abby,What can I do about all the sex, nudity, language and violence on myVCR?~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Dear Abby,I have a man I never could trust. He cheats so much I'm not evensure this baby I'm carrying is even his.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Dear Abby,I am a twenty three year old liberated woman who has been on thepill for two years. It's getting expensive, and I think my boyfriend shouldshare half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money withhim.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Dear Abby,Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raisedin a good Christian home turn against his own?~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Dear Abby,I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now, how do I get out?~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Dear Abby,My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $75 an hourevery week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Dear Abby,Do you think it would be all right if I gave my doctor a little gift?I tried for years to get pregnant and couldn't, and he did it.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Dear Abby,My mother is mean and short tempered. Do you think she is goingthrough her mental pause?~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Dear Abby,You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest insex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex yearsago and he IS a doctor. What now ?~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Dear Abby,My boyfriend is going to be twenty years old next month. I'd like to give him something nice for his birthday. What do you think he'd like?____CarolDear Carol,Never mind what he'd like. Give him a tie. Aging...Three men were discussing aging at the nursing home. Sixty is the worstage to be," said the 60- year-old. You always feel like you have topee.And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!""Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old. When you're seventy, youdon't have a bowel movement anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran, yousit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!""Actually," said the 80-year-old, "Eighty is the worst age of all.""Do you have trouble peeing too?" asked the 60-year-old."No, not really. I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse ona flat rock; no problem at all.""Do you have trouble having a bowel movement?""No, I have one every morning at 6:30."With great exasperation, the 60-year-old said, "Let me get thisstraight. You pee every morning at 6:00 and poop everymorning at 6:30. So what's so tough about being 80?""I don't wake up until 7:00."One day, a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet belowsea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth, but with no scubagear whatsoever. The diver went below another 20 feet, and theguy joined him a few minutes later. The diver went down 25 feetmore, and minutes later, the same guy joined him.This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof chalkboard set,and wrote, "How the heck are you able to stay under this deepwithout equipment?"The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had written,and wrote, ..."I'm drowning, you fucking moron...!"</blockquote>

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