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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064375225" data-attributes="member: 14320">Little Johnny And Little SusieLittle Johnny and Susie are only 10 years old, butthey know that they are in love. One day they decidethey want to get married, so Little Johnny goes to Susie'sfather to ask him for her hand.Little Johnny bravely walks up to him and says"Mr. Smith, me and Susie are in loveand I'm asking for her hand in marriage."Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smithreplies, "Well Little Johnny, you are only 10.Where will you two live?"Without even taking a moment to think about it, LittleJohnny replies. "In Susie's room. It's bigger than mine and we canboth fit there nicely."Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin,"Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough toget a job. You'll need to support Susie."Again, Little Johnny instantly replies, "Our allowance...Susie makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week.That's about 60 bucks a month, and that should do us just fine."By this time Mr. Smith is a little shocked that LittleJohnny has put so much thought into this. So, he thinksfor a moment trying to come up with something that Little Johnnywon't have an answer to. After a second,Mr. Smith says, "Well Little Johnny, it seems like you have goteverything all figured out. I just have one more question for you.What will you do if the two of you should have little onesof your own?"Little Johnny just shrugs his shoulders and says"That's okay, I'll just keep fucking her up the ass for now..."Little Johnny comes home from school one day and asks his mother what "shit" meant.Thinking fast she replied "food on the table".Next day he comes home and asks his mother what does "son of a bitch" mean.Again, thinking fast again she says "It's a priest".Next day he comes home a asks what does "fuckin'" mean. She says it means "getting dressed".That same night a priest was coming over for dinner. Johnny is just finished setting the table when he hears the doorbell ring.He yells "got it". He opens the door and says "Hey son of a bitch, shits on the table and mom and dad are upstairs fuckin'". Laws Of RealityLaw of Mechanical Repair:After your hands become Coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.Law of the Workshop:Any tool, when dropped, will roll To the least accessible corner.Law of the Telephone:When you dial a wrong number, You never get a busy signal.Law of the Alibi:If you tell the boss you were late For work because you had a flat tire, the very next Morning you will have a flat tire on the way to work.Variation Law:If you change lines (or traffic lanes), The one you were in will start to move faster than the One you are in then.Bath Theorem:When the body is fully immersed in Water, the telephone rings.Law of Close Encounters:The probability of meeting Someone you know increases when you are with someoneYou don't want to be seen with.Law of the Result:When you try to prove to someone That a machine won't work, it will.Law of Biomechanics:The severity of the itch is Inversely proportional to the reach.Theatre Rule:At any event, the people whose seats are Furthest from the aisle arrive lastLaw of Coffee:As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot Coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which Will last until the coffee is cold.Murphy's Law of Lockers:If there are only two people In a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets:The chances of an Open-faced jelly sandwich of landing face down on a Floor covering are directly correlated to the newness And cost of the carpet/rug.Law of Location:No matter where you go, there you Are.Law of Logical Argument:Anything is possible if you Don't know what you are talking about.Brown's Law:If the shoe fits, it's ugly.Oliver's Law:A closed mouth gathers no feet. Things Never To Say During Sex...(Part 3)85) I like your tits.86) suck my dick, bitch.87) how much do I owe you?88) How come we each have a penis?89) of course you can't be on top, you're too fat, you'll kill me!90) your ass is hairy (the guy says this) .91) just use your finger, its bigger.92) does your family have to watch?93) we'll try again later when you can satisfy me too.94) get off me, I'll do it myself!!!!95) can you hold this sandwich for me?96) you're as soft as a sheep, inside and out.97) the only reason I'm doing this is because I'm drunk.98) my mom taught me this.....99) how cute... peach fuzz!100) Damn girl! my tits are bigger than your's!101) should I ask why you're bleeding?102) this is my pet rat, Larry....103) if you can't do it, I'll find someone else who can!104) I haven't had this much sex since I was a hooker!105) I was once a woman...106) wanna see me take out my glass eye?107) no I don't love your mind, I can't grab that!!108) is it O.K. if I tell my friends about this?109) I'm sobering up and you're getting ugly!110) you wanted me to use a condom?111) you're no better than my brother!!112) mooooo!!113) Fire in the hole!!!114) I wanna see how many quarters I can fit in there.115) hurry up, I'm late for a date.116) O.K. start...oh! that feels so... YOU'RE DONE??!!117) you ever see basic instinct?118) I'm out of condoms, can I use a sock?119) don't squirm, you'll spill my beer.120) Did I tell you where my cold sore came from?121) you got boogies showing.122) (start reciting the 10 commandments) .123) I think I just shit on your bed.124) of course I don't love you.125) let me spell it out for you, b-r-e-a-t-h m-I-n-t.Little Johnny runs into the living room one day and says, "Mom, why hasGranny got a shrimp between her legs?""Don't be silly; Granny hasn't got a shrimp between her legs!" hismother replies.But Little Johnny is insistent "She has, she has!" he shouts.With this his mother grabs Little Johnny by the hand and says, "Ok, Ihave had enough of your foolishness. Show me!"Little Johnny drags his mother into grandma's room where, being a veryhot evening, Granny is fast asleep on top of her bed with no clothes on.Little Johnny drags his mother to the end of the bed and points betweenGranny's legs. "Look I told you so" he says. "See the little shrimp!"His mother calmly decides she had better explain. "OK, Johnny, I know itlooks a bit like a little shrimp but it's called a clitoris.""That's funny" retorts Little Johnny "It tastes like shrimp..."A bloke was complaining to his mate a few days after scoring a newwoman."Mate," he said, "This new lady of mine is really weird. All she wantsme to do is fuck her in the ear.""That is weird," his mate replied."Yeah," the bloke continued. "Every time I go to stick my dick in hermouth, she turns her head!"A young lad was out with his dad in the park when he spotted a womanabout to breast feed her baby. She unbuttoned her blouse, rolled out avery large breast and popped the rosy nipple into the child's mouth."Dad! What's that woman doing to that baby?" the lad asked."Relax, mate. She's just feeding him," the father replied."Get the fuck outta here!" the boy, exclaimed. "There's no way he'll eatall of that!"</blockquote>

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