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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064371526" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Condom Slogans</span></strong></p><p></p><p><em><strong>THE FOLLOWING IS A LIST OF POSSIBLE SLOGANS</strong></em></p><p><em><strong>PROMOTING NATIONAL CONDOM WEEK</strong></em></p><p></p><p></p><p>A woman was complaining to the neighbor that her husband always came home late, no matter how she tried to stop him. "Take my advice," said the neighbor, "and do what I did. Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the morning, and from my bed, I called out, "Is that you, Jim?" And that cured him.</p><p>"Cured him!" asked the woman, "but how?"</p><p>The neighbor said, "You see, his name is Bill."</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">________</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A wife, one evening, drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said, "Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?"</p><p>"I would love to." replied the husband, "but I don't know her well enough."</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">________</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red"></span></strong></p><p>A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, "When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years it's all different, I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking."</p><p>"Why complain?" said the counselor. "You are still getting the same service!"</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">________</span></strong></p><p></p><p>"Dad, I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife I would be home that night, and when I got into my room, I found my wife in another man's arms. Why, Dad? Tell me why!"</p><p>Dad kept silent for a few minutes, and then coolly said, "Maybe, Son, she didn't get the fax."</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">________</span></strong></p><p></p><p>"You looked troubled," I told my friend, "what is your problem?"</p><p>He replied, "I am going to be a father."</p><p>"But that is wonderful," I said.</p><p>"What is wonderful? My wife does not know about it yet."</p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">The Lottery</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A blond woman named Brandi finds herself in dire trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in serious financial trouble. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray..."God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto."</p><p></p><p>Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Brandi again prays "God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."</p><p></p><p>Lotto night comes and Brandi still has no luck. Once again, she prays..."My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order.</p><p></p><p>Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Brandi is confronted by the voice of God Himself: "Brandi, You have to meet me halfway on this... You have to buy a ticket."</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">_____</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A farmer, concerned that his horse had not had experienced a bowel</p><p>movement for three days, consulted the veterinarian who gave him a very</p><p>large suppository.</p><p></p><p>The vet instructed the farmer to insert the suppository into the</p><p>animal's rectum. The farmer returned home, went to the barn and</p><p>systematically walked around the horse several times looking for the</p><p>designated port of entry.</p><p></p><p>Finally, unable to locate its' rectum, the farmer exclaimed:</p><p>"Listen horse, if I don't find your rectum pretty soon, I am going to</p><p>stick this thing up your ass!"</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">_____</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Three girls are sitting on stools at a bar. The 3 of them are arguing on who is the slackest. The first one says: "My boyfriend can put his whole fist in my pussy!!!" The second one says: "Oh ya? Well my boyfriend can put his whole head in my pussy!" The two of them then look at the third one, waiting for her to reply. She then looks at them and says: "Oops! There goes the stool!!!"</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">My Penis Is Orange</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A guy goes to a doctor and says, "Doc, you've got to help me.</p><p>My penis is orange."</p><p></p><p>The doctor pauses to think and asks the guy to drop his pants so he</p><p>can check. Damned if the guy's penis isn't orange. Doc tells the guy,</p><p>"This is very strange. Sometimes things like this are caused by a lot</p><p>of stress in a person's life."</p><p></p><p>Probing as to the causes of possible stress, the doc asks the guy,</p><p>"How are things going at work?"</p><p></p><p>The guy responds that he was fired about six weeks ago. The doctor</p><p>tells him that this must be the cause of the stress. The guy</p><p>responds,</p><p>"No. The boss was a real asshole, I had to work 20-30 hours</p><p>of overtime every week and I had no say in anything that was happening.</p><p>I found a new job a couple of weeks ago where I can set my own hours,</p><p>I'm getting paid double what I got on the old job and the boss is a</p><p>really great guy."</p><p></p><p>So the doc figures this isn't the reason. He asks the guy, "How's</p><p>your home life?" The guy says, "Well, I got divorced about eight</p><p>months ago."</p><p></p><p>The doc figures that this has got to be the reason for all of the guys</p><p>stress.</p><p></p><p>But the guy says, "No. For years, all I listened to was nag, nag,</p><p>nag. God, am I glad to be rid of that old bitch!"</p><p></p><p>So the doc takes a few minutes to think a little longer. He inquires,</p><p>"Do you have any hobbies or a social life?"</p><p></p><p>The guy replies, "No, not really. Most nights I just sit at home,</p><p>watch some porno flicks and munch on Cheetos!!!"</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1064371526, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]Condom Slogans[/COLOR][/B] [I][B]THE FOLLOWING IS A LIST OF POSSIBLE SLOGANS PROMOTING NATIONAL CONDOM WEEK[/B][/I] A woman was complaining to the neighbor that her husband always came home late, no matter how she tried to stop him. "Take my advice," said the neighbor, "and do what I did. Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the morning, and from my bed, I called out, "Is that you, Jim?" And that cured him. "Cured him!" asked the woman, "but how?" The neighbor said, "You see, his name is Bill." [B][COLOR="Red"]________[/COLOR][/B] A wife, one evening, drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said, "Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?" "I would love to." replied the husband, "but I don't know her well enough." [B][COLOR="Red"]________ [/COLOR][/B] A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, "When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years it's all different, I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking." "Why complain?" said the counselor. "You are still getting the same service!" [B][COLOR="Red"]________[/COLOR][/B] "Dad, I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife I would be home that night, and when I got into my room, I found my wife in another man's arms. Why, Dad? Tell me why!" Dad kept silent for a few minutes, and then coolly said, "Maybe, Son, she didn't get the fax." [B][COLOR="Red"]________[/COLOR][/B] "You looked troubled," I told my friend, "what is your problem?" He replied, "I am going to be a father." "But that is wonderful," I said. "What is wonderful? My wife does not know about it yet." [B][COLOR="Teal"]The Lottery[/COLOR][/B] A blond woman named Brandi finds herself in dire trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in serious financial trouble. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray..."God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto." Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Brandi again prays "God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well." Lotto night comes and Brandi still has no luck. Once again, she prays..."My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order. Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Brandi is confronted by the voice of God Himself: "Brandi, You have to meet me halfway on this... You have to buy a ticket." [B][COLOR="Red"]_____[/COLOR][/B] A farmer, concerned that his horse had not had experienced a bowel movement for three days, consulted the veterinarian who gave him a very large suppository. The vet instructed the farmer to insert the suppository into the animal's rectum. The farmer returned home, went to the barn and systematically walked around the horse several times looking for the designated port of entry. Finally, unable to locate its' rectum, the farmer exclaimed: "Listen horse, if I don't find your rectum pretty soon, I am going to stick this thing up your ass!" [B][COLOR="Red"]_____[/COLOR][/B] Three girls are sitting on stools at a bar. The 3 of them are arguing on who is the slackest. The first one says: "My boyfriend can put his whole fist in my pussy!!!" The second one says: "Oh ya? Well my boyfriend can put his whole head in my pussy!" The two of them then look at the third one, waiting for her to reply. She then looks at them and says: "Oops! There goes the stool!!!" [B][COLOR="Teal"]My Penis Is Orange[/COLOR][/B] A guy goes to a doctor and says, "Doc, you've got to help me. My penis is orange." The doctor pauses to think and asks the guy to drop his pants so he can check. Damned if the guy's penis isn't orange. Doc tells the guy, "This is very strange. Sometimes things like this are caused by a lot of stress in a person's life." Probing as to the causes of possible stress, the doc asks the guy, "How are things going at work?" The guy responds that he was fired about six weeks ago. The doctor tells him that this must be the cause of the stress. The guy responds, "No. The boss was a real asshole, I had to work 20-30 hours of overtime every week and I had no say in anything that was happening. I found a new job a couple of weeks ago where I can set my own hours, I'm getting paid double what I got on the old job and the boss is a really great guy." So the doc figures this isn't the reason. He asks the guy, "How's your home life?" The guy says, "Well, I got divorced about eight months ago." The doc figures that this has got to be the reason for all of the guys stress. But the guy says, "No. For years, all I listened to was nag, nag, nag. God, am I glad to be rid of that old bitch!" So the doc takes a few minutes to think a little longer. He inquires, "Do you have any hobbies or a social life?" The guy replies, "No, not really. Most nights I just sit at home, watch some porno flicks and munch on Cheetos!!!" [/QUOTE]
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