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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064367811" data-attributes="member: 14320">How To Ask A Man To Do SomethingAlways remember these five important rules when asking a manto do something:1. Make sure the man is conscious.1a. Then give him a Blow Job2. Crash the hard drive on his computer and line the bird cagewith the sports section.3. Be brief! Limit your nagging harangue to two, three, orfour hours, max.3b. Then ... give him a Blow Job4. Reward him for cooperative behavior. A blow job willusually do just fine. Or, offer to cook him somethingthat doesn't have a peel-back cover.5. Punish him when he refuses to cooperate. Microwave hisremote on high power for 55 minutes. Rotate 1/4 turn, andmicrowave again for another 35 minutes. Or, threaten tonot give him a blow job.6. Use "would you" or "will you" instead of "you'd better" or"do as I say and no one will get hurt".7. When all else fails ... Blow Job.OK, seven rules.How to Piss Off A WomanTie her to the bed, describe all the erotic things you plan to do. Then go bowling.Ask her how she prepared a meal. If she wants to know why you want to know, say "So I don't make the same mistakes."Tell her YOU have a headache, but you're willing to suffer with it through sex just to please her.Imitate her having an orgasm while dining out.Fake your own orgasm while dining out.Tell her you've applied for the position of blowjob inspector at the nearest whorehouse.After sex tell her the doctor assured you it isn't contagious. Then faint. Sex FrogsA young lady goes to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet.As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of live frogs.The sign says: SEX FROGS! Only $20 each! Money Back Guarantee! Comes with complete instructions!The girl excitedly looks around to see ifanybody's watching her. She whispers softly to the young man behind thecounter, "I'll take one of them."The man packages the frog and says, "Just follow the instructions."The girl nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home.As soon as shecloses the door to her apartment, she grabs the instructions and reads themvery carefully. She does exactly what the instructions say:1. Take a shower.2. Splash on some nice perfume.3. Slip into a very sexy nightie.4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you.5. Allow the frog to follow its training.She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and, to her dismay, nothing happens!The girl is very disappointed and quite upset. She grabs the instructions andrereads them and then notices at the bottom of the page, in small print, it says,"If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store."So, she calls the pet store. The same young man is still at work.When he hears her problem, he says, "I'll be right over."Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The young lady welcomes himin and says, "See, I've done everything according to the instructions. The damnthing just sits there."The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly into its eyesand sternly says:"Now you listen to me! I'm only going to show you how to do this ONE more time..."The preacher got up in church one Sunday morning and told thecongregation, "Brothers and sisters, we are going to have to dosomething about teenagers parking behind the church at night. I was outthere this morning and there are enough beer cans out there to build acar." One of the old sisters stood up and said, "Amen brother, andenough rubbers to put tires on it."Bar JokesA guy walks into a bar and, and notices that behind the bartender there is a big gigantic jar full of 20-dollar bills. So the guy asks,Guy: Hey bartender what’s all the money for?Bartender: Well mister, we have a little contest going on.Guy: Oh yea, what is it?Bartender: Well, for 20 dollars, you have to go down to the end of the bar andknock that big fellow there out in one punch.The guy takes a look down at the end of the bar and sees a big, muscular looking guy.Guy: Well, I think I could take him.Bartender: Hold on there partner, there's more. You see that door over there behind you?Guy: Yea I see it.Bartender: Well I got a pit-bull in there with a rotten tooth and you got to yank it out.The guy thinks for a little while and repliesGuy: You know what I'm not of afraid of any dog I could do that.Bartender: Wait a second there partner; there is one more task.Guy: Then hurry up and tell me!Bartender: Why do you see that door to the right of the pit-bull?Guy: YeaBartender: Why I got my 70-year-old grandma in there and you got to make love to her.Guy: I’m OUTTA THIS BET!But after a couple of hours of drinking at the bar, the guy gets piss drunk. He goes over to the bartender and slaps 20 bucks on the table goes to the end of the bar and WHAM, knocks the big guy out in one punch. Then the guy slowly walks to the door with the pit-bull...he opens the door and steps in...all of a sudden its quite and all the bartender can hear is the growling and barking of an angry dog. The bartender listens closer and can hear things falling and breaking inside the room. Then after awhile the bartender hears the dog whimpering in fear and pain. Then the door opens...The guy slowly crawls out of the room...his clothes are torn and his leg and arms are all bloody...the guy slowly gets up and looks at the bartender:Guy: Now where's the old bitch with the rotten tooth.A guy walks into a bar in a town with no women and asks the bartender, "How can you live in this town without any women?". The bartender replies, "It's not that bad when we get lonely we go out back where there is a barrel with a knothole in it. So after a few beers, the guy starts getting a little lonely and tells the bartender he's gonna go find the barrel. So he walks up to the barrel and sticks it in the knothole. After about 5 minutes he walks back to the bar and tells the bartender, "Man, that's the greatest stuff I've ever had!! What do I owe ya?" The bartender replies, "Nothing, but it's your turn to get in the barrel".A somewhat strange guy walks into a bar. The bartender notices him and watches as the man walks up to a group of men at a table and starts talking to them. The man then gets up and goes to the bartender and says..."I bet you $500 that I can piss in that shot glass on the back wall without spilling a drop." The bartender, thinking he could make himself a quick $500 takes the bet. The man then unzips his pants and starts pissing all over the bartender and the bar. He pisses on everything but the shot glass. When he is finished the bartender says,” well I guess you owe me $500." The man walks back over to the table and comes back and gives the bartender $500 the bartender then ask..."How did you get that money from them?" The man replies..."Well I just bet them $2,000 that I could piss all over you and your bar and you wouldn't get mad."Tony and Harold, two avid fisherman and well-known drunks, were out in a boat on their favorite lake one day drowning some worms and polishing off some brews. Suddenly, Tony got what he thought was a nibble. Reeling it in he found a bottle with a cork in it. Naturally curious, he uncorked the bottle and a large genie appeared. The genie said "I will grant you one wish." Tony thought for a second and said "I wish this whole lake was beer." Poof! His wish came true. The lake was now filled with their favorite brew. Harold looked at Tony in disgust and said "you asshole, now we have to piss in the boat.A guy goes into a bar and sits down. The bartender asks what he will have and the guy says he will have a beer AND a shot. "Big night?" asked the barkeep. "I'll say. I just had my first blowjob tonight!" The bartender says "That's great! These drinks will be on the house!" As he puts them down, the guys says "Thanks! These should help get the taste out of my mouth.</blockquote>

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