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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064356233" data-attributes="member: 14320">Animal LoveBats have sex in the air while flying.Kinsey found that the most frequent animal/human sex was in excess of eight times a week.The age group that was the most frequent was less than 15 years old.Erect giraffe penises are four feet long.Chinese lovers, before the days of Mao, were most fond of sex with fowl.When faced with an unfamiliar partner, a pregnant female rat or mouse willspontaneously abort its fetus and go into heat.To have sex with donkeys, Mongol men would often tie their hind legs together.Average sexual intercourse between minks lasts eight hours.Middle Eastern cave paintings reveal that men used to have sex with female crocodilesbecause they believed that it would make them rich and importantA dragonfly's penis has a shovel on the end that scoops out a rival male's semenThe Inca enacted laws to prevent llama drivers from having sex with their animalsand enforced the laws be requiring that the llama drivers be escorted by chaperones.The average gorilla weighing 200 pounds has a penis that is two inches long.Upon losing battles, apes will tend to masturbate.Male boars excite females by breathing on their faces.In the animal kingdom, chimpanzees hold the record for the fastest quickies.Sexual intercourse can last as little as three seconds.Most giraffes are bisexual.Billy goats urinate on their own heads to smell more attractive to females.Pigs and hogs have corkscrew-shaped penises.The sea slug does little more than eat, sleep, and copulate--actually it copulates a lot,often in orgies. One researcher at the University of Miami has witnessed as manyas 10 sea slugs at a time engaging in chain copulating.Damn sea slugs got the right ideaThe Elderly CoupleMorris, an elderly gentleman and woman met at a nursing home where theyboth had taken residence. They enjoyed each other's company a greatdeal, often ate their meals together, and talked throughout the day.One morning during breakfast, Morris said to the woman, "You knowSherry, you and I are still in pretty good health and enjoy visitingwith each other. I have an offer to make you."Yes?" Sherry replied."How about if we get together tonight and, you know, have sex? I'd evenbe willing to compensate you $50 for your time. We deserve a littlepleasure." he said.While she wasn't exactly sure what a "pleasure" it would be, the womandecided that she could use the $50 and said, "OK Morris. Meet me in myroom at 11:00 tonight."That night the man showed up promptly at 11pm. After the activitieswerecompleted, Morris was getting dressed. As he pulled out his wallet, hesaid, "Wow, that was great. And ,gee, if I had known that you werestilla virgin, I would have been willing to offer $100 for the evening.""Yeah?" she replied, "And if I thought that you could still get it up,I would have taken off my pantyhose!"A newlywed husband had to go on a business trip, and hated to leave hisgorgeous, sexy very blonde wife alone. The night before he left, hebrought home a vibrator and gave it to her."What's this for?" she asked."It's for those lonely nights when you miss me," explained her husband,winking. "Just think of it as something to take my place when you gethorny."A week later, hubby returns home, and finds the vibrator in thegarbage."Honey," he says, "why did you throw it away? I told you, you shoulduseit in my place when I'm gone.""I did," she said. "But the damned thing rattled all my fillingsloose."Farmer JohnOl' farmer John had just walked into the local watering hole, when whoshould he see, but his old friend Chis the tractor salesman sitting upat the bar. Chris looked so down and dejected, that John just had to goup and say something to him."Say, Chris, how ya doing? How's the tractor selling business thesedays?"If Chris had looked sad before, at the mention of tractor sales, hisface sank even more, and a tear came to his eye. "John," he said,shaking his head, "I don't know what it is. I can't sell a tractor thesedays to save my life. I'll tell you, I just gotta sell one tractor, andsoon, or I'll lose that dealership forever.""Well," John said, taking the barstool next to him, "If you thinkyou got it bad, I got it worse. Now you listen to this:"I went out to the barn the other morning to milk Bessy. That oldcow gets more ornery as the years go by. Anyway, no sooner did I sitdown on the milking stool and get to work, but ol' Bes started slappin'me with her tail. After a minute or so, I got fed up withit, so I threw a rope up over the rafters, and tied ol' Bessy's tail tothe rafters. Then I got back to work."I didn't even get two squirts into the bucket, when Bes gives me akick. Knocked me clean off the stool! Boy, if that didn't piss me off!So I get me another rope an' tie Bessy's right hind leg to the side ofthe milking stall, and get a started trying to milk her again."Well by this time, Bessy's about livid, and she doesn't want anypart of it, so she let's me have it with her other hind leg. I wasn'tabout to give in to this ol' cow, so I got me yet another piece of ropeand tied Bessy's left leg to the side of the stall."Just then John paused to take sip his beer.Chris, distracted for a moment from his own troubles, asked John,"Well, did you finally get to milk her?""Well, yes and no, Chris. But I'll tell ya what...If you can convince mywife that I was out there to MILK that cow, I'll BUY a tractor fromyou!"-----------Regina needs orgasms badlyBut Daniel, her husband, is sadlyDeficient in sizeAnd technique; it's no surpriseThat she diddles her middle bits madlyA Young Man And Two WomenA young Spanish man new to this country was seated at the bar. Thebartender notices him staring at two women at the other end of the bar.Son, he says, I noticed you staring at the two women at the end of thebar I want you to ignore them; they are undesirable in this country.A few moments later the bartender notices the young man staring again.Son, I'm trying to help you, they are undesirable in this country.A moment later the bartender again notices the young man is again staringat the two women.He blurts out, son, see the blonde she wants to ripoff the panties of the brunette and suck her pussy. The brunette wantsto rip off the bra of the blonde and suck on her tits. We call womenlike that lesbians and they are undesirable in this country.As thebartender returned to work he heard the young man behind him sobbing.What's wrong son, he ask. I think I'm a lesbian too!!!"**********Confucius says, thou who gives rim job, talks shit.**********"A new birth control pill named Seasonale promises to reducethe frequency of women's periods, from every month to four timesa year."Downsides include tusks, massive weight gain and a 24-monthgestation period.**********Doctor: "I'm afraid I have some good news andsome bad news, Miss Hottwot."Miss Hottwot said, "Well, give me the good news first, Doc."Doctor, speaking rather somberly, said, "Your labtests came back today, and your crabs are all gone."Miss Hottwot smiled, and said "Gee, that's great!But what's the bad news?"Doctor: "We don't know what killed them."</blockquote>

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