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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064351433" data-attributes="member: 14320">Female PilotAs the airliner pushed back from the gate,the flight attendant gave the passengers the usualinformation regarding seat belts, etc.Finally, she said, "Now sit back and enjoy your tripwhile your captain, Judith Campbell,... and crew take you safely to your destination."Joe, sitting in the eighth row thought to himself,"Did I hear her right? Is the captain a woman?When the attendants came by with the drink cart, he said,"Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman?""Yes," said the attendant, "In fact, this entire crew is female.""My God," said Joe, "I'd better have two scotch and sodas.I don't know what to think of all those women upthere in the cockpit.""That's another thing sir," said the attendant,"We no longer call it the cockpit,Now it's the 'box office'."________A new TV game show in Hollywood had many contestants whowere beautiful, but they weren't necessarily too smart.On one show, one such woman was extremely nervous, but triedto make the best of her performance.The host asked, "Who was the first man, for one thousand dollars?"She responded, "The first man was Peter, my postman, but he onlypaid me one hundred dollars!"Marrying an Arab SheikA beautiful young girl comes home and says,"Ma, I got married."Her mother says, "Oy, that's great."She says, "But, Ma, he's an Arab."Her mother says, "Oy, that's not so great." She says,... "But, Ma, he's an Arab sheik.He's wealthy beyond your wildest dreams.You and Daddy are going to live in the lap of luxuryfor the rest of your lives."Six months later, she walks in the house and says,"Ma, I love my Arab sheik,but my God, all he wants to do is boff me in my ass.Day and night,that's all he'll do is bang me in my ass.When I got married, my asshole was the size of a dime...now,it's the size of a silver dollar."Her mother says, "So for ninety cents you're going to make trouble?"Mary: Yeah, he was nice enough, but the real reason Idated him for so long was RBD.Jill: RBD?Mary: Yeah, Really Big Dick.The thought for the day:Some people are like Slinkies Not really good for anything,but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down aflight of stairs!Great Blonde One-LinersWhy did the blond lay out on the lawn chair in her bikini at midnight?She wanted to get a dark tan.What does a blonde think an innuendo is?An Italian suppository.Did you hear about the blonde virgin who wasn't upset about losing hercherry?She figured she could always get a new one, since she still hadthe box it came in.What's the difference between a blonde and a washing machine?If you throw a load in a washing machine, it doesn't follow you around for 3days.Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?So her male would get delivered to the right box.Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?So she could lip read.Why did the blonde call the welfare office?She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?All you have to do is scratch the box to win.What did the blonde's mother say when she asked if she could lick thebowl?"Just flush it like everybody else does."Hear about the blonde explorer?She bought a piece of sandpaper thinking it was a map of the SaharaDesert.How can you tell if the blonde is a nurse?She can make a patient without disturbing the bed.What does a blonde have in common with the United States Army?They're open to any man between the ages of eighteen and thirty-five.What do blondes and the Bermuda triangle have in common?They've both swallowed a lot of semen.Why did God give blondes one more brain cell than he gave horses?So they wouldn't shit during the parade.__________________________________________________Two blonde girls walk into a department store.They walk up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle.Nancy sprays it on her wrist and smells it, "That's quite nice, don't you think, Kathy?"Kathy takes a sniff and replies, "That is nice. What's it called?""Viens a moi," replies Nancy."Viens a moi? What the heck does that mean?"At this stage the store clerk offers some help. "Viens a moi, ladies, means 'come to me' in French."Nancy takes another sniff, then offers her arm to Kathy again, and remarks,"That doesn't smell like come to me. Does that smell like come to you?" Obscene LimericksMy back aches, my pussy is sore,I simply can't fuck anymore,I'm covered in sweat, And you haven't come yet,And my God, its a quarter to four!***There once was a hacker named Ken,Who inherited truckloads of Yen,So he built him some chicks, Of silicon chips,And hasn't been heard from since then.***There was a young girl from Hong Kong,Whose cervical cap was a gong,She said with a yell, as a shot rang her bell,"I'll give you a ding for a dong"***There was an old pirate named Bates,Who was learning to Rumba on skates,He fell on his cutlass, which rendered him nutless,And practically useless on dates.***There once was this bum-fucking faggot,He'd see anything male and he'd shag it,One day he fucked the wrong ass, now he's pushing up grassAnd his only mate now is a maggot!***There once was a horny boy Matt,Who played with a vampire bat,With his dick in his hand,His voice did command,"Try sucking the blood out of that!"***My dorky ex-roommate Pierre,Once fell asleep in my chair,I pulled out my unit,Proceeded to tune it,And fired my load in his hair!***There once was a girl from Nantucket,Whose boyfriend was about to just chuck it,She said with a grin,Wipe that cum from your chin,I told you it's my job to suck it!***Hickory Dickory Dock,In ten seconds you'll be sucking my cock,So think very quick,As I whip out my dick,Hickory Dickory dock!***There was a young man from Crete,Who could shoot sperm across the street,A chemist named Kelly,Bottled the 'jelly',And sold it as extract of meat!</blockquote>

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