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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064350233" data-attributes="member: 14320">Plastic SurgeonA man went to a plastic surgeon to get work done on his penis.The doctor, curious, asked what had happened to it."Well," the patient said, "I live in a trailer camp.A gorgeous buxom creature lives in the trailer next to mine.I used to peek into her trailer and I saw that she had a habit.... Each afternoon she would take a hot dog from her refrigeratorand put it in a hole on her trailer floor.Then she'd sit on it and have a ball.She nearly drove me crazy.So I got a bright idea.One day I got under her trailer and when she slidthe hot dog in the hole, I slid it outand slipped my penis up through the hole.She sat down on it and everything was going just greatuntil there was a knock at the door.""And then?" said the doctor."Aw hell," the patient explained,"That's when she tried to kick it under the stove."___________Mary Sue, a country blonde, was visiting the big city for the firsttime. She checks into her hotel and the bell boy takes her bags. Shefollows the boy, and as the door closes, she looks around and shakes her fist at him."Young man -- I may be old and straight from the hills, but that don'tmean I'm stupid! I paid 'good' money and this room won't do at ALL!It's too small, there's no ventilation, no TV -- why, there's not evena BED!""Ma'am.....don't get all worked up! This is just the elevator!"Pussy WhippedThe husband had finally had enough of being Pussy-whipped. He burst through the door after work and yelled, " Here's the deal Woman. I want my dinner on the table in 15 minutes. Afterwards, we're going upstairs where you'll give me a great blowjob.Then while I'm in the shower, you'll lay out some clean clothes for me. Cause I'm going out on the town with the boys. And do you know who's gonna tie my fucking tie just the way I like it.""Yes Dear," she replied. "The undertaker."*~»§«~*~» «~*~»§«~* *~»§«~*~» «~*~»§«~* *~»§«~*~» «~*~»§«~* *~»§«~*~»How many Rednecks does it take to eat a meal? Two, One to eat andanother to watch for cars.~~~My wife's an earth sign. I'm a water sign. Together we make mud.~~~They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it islove.........after marriage it is self-defense. *~»§«~*~» «~*~»§«~* *~»§«~*~» «~*~»§«~* *~»§«~*~» «~*~»§«~* *~»§«~*~»You know You're A Redneck When . . .You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a flyswatter.Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center.Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.You burn your yard rather than mow it.You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive.The Salvation Army declines your mattress.You come back from the dump with more than you took.You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table. (oh ick!!!)Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.Your grandmother has "Ammo" on her Christmas list.You've been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.South Texas TavernAt the end of the bar in a South Texas Tavern on the Mexican border sata huge Mexican. He was having a few beers when a short, well dressed,and obviously gay man walked in and sat beside him.After three or four beers, the gay fellow finally plucked up the courageto say something to the big Mexican.Leaning over towards him, he whispered, "Do you want a blow job?" Atthis the massive Mexican leaped up with fire in his eyes and smacked thecrap out of the gay guy, knocking him completely off his stool. Then heproceeded to beat him all the way out of the bar, leaving him bruisedand battered in the parking lot, then returned to his seat.Amazed, the bartender quickly brought over another beer to the bigMexican. "I've never seen you react like that," he said. "Just what didhe say to you?""I don't know," the big Mexican replied with a Mexican accent,"Something about getting a job".*~»§«~*~» «~*~»§«~* *~»§«~*~»Marsha completed four weeks of dental restoration withDr. Morris Cohen the dentist.She confided to her best friend that she had fallen in lovewith her dentist ...and she was going to propose to him.Her friend said, " Marsha your 34 years old, your beautiful,you have dozens of men that adore you. Why this dentist?"" Because he is the First man that ever said to me........SPIT, don't SWALLOW. "*~»§«~*~» «~*~»§«~* *~»§«~*~»A man was suffering from constipation, so his doctorprescribed suppositories. A week later the guy complainedto the doctor that they didn't produce the desired results."Have you been taking them regularly?" the doctor asked."What do you think I've been doing," said the man, "shovingthem up my ass?"Things You Will Never Hear A Woman Say:You know, I've been complaining a lot lately.I don't blame you for ignoring me. I know I'm sore and my parents are in the other room, but I still want you right now!This porno scene is boring, fast forward to the gang bang.Don't get up, I kinda like sleeping in the wet spot.Don't dirty up your T-shirt wiping that up, use my blouse.That was fun, when will all of your friends be over to watch porno's again?I bet it would be kinky to watch you with our baby sitter Tracy.You're my daddy, you're my daddy!The new girl in my office is a stripper, I invited her over for dinner on Friday.Honey, did you leave that skid in the toilet bowl? Good one!While you were in the bathroom, they went for it on fourth downand missed. If they can hold them to a field goal they'll still cover.Bar food again? Kick ass.I liked that wedding even more then ours. Your ex-girlfriend has class.That girl is wearing the same outfit as I am. Cool, I'm gonna go over and talk to her.I love hearing stories about your old girlfriends, tell me more.I like using this new lawn mower so much more than the old one,what a wonderful Valentine's Day present, thanks "Poopy."Let's just leave the toilet seat up at all times, then you don't have to mess with it anymore.I've decided to buy myself a boob job, how big do you want 'em?It's only the third quarter, you should order a couple more pitchers.Honey come here! Watch me do a tequila shot off of Stephanie's bare ass!My mother is going to take care of the tab, so order another round for you and your friends.I'm so happy with my new hairstyle, I don't think I'll ever change it again.Damn! I love when my pillow smells like your cigarettes and beer.You passed out before brushing your teeth again, ya' big silly!You are so much smarter than my father.If we're not going to have sex, then you have to at least let me lick your balls and suck you off.</blockquote>

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