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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064335168" data-attributes="member: 14320">If Men Got Pregnant:Morning sickness would rank as the nation's number one health problemMaternity leave would last for two years with full payChildren would be kept in hospital until toilet trainedNatural childbirth would become obsoleteAll methods of birth control would be 100 per cent effectiveMen would be eager to talk about commitmentThere would be a cure for stretch marksThey'd serve beer instead of coffee at antenatal classesMen wouldn't think twins were so cuteSons would have to be home from dates by 10 p.m. Men could use their briefcases as diaper bags.They'd have to stop saying, "I'm afraid I'll drop him".Paternity suits would be a line of clothes.They'd stay in bed for the entire nine months.Menus at most restaurants would list ice cream and pickles as an entree.Women would rule the world!A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman.They exchange brief hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics.He asks her about it and she replies, "This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics.It identifies that American Indians have the longest average penis and Polish men have the biggest average diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?"He coolly replies, "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you." What Woman Say vs. What Women Really MeanCAN'T WE JUST BE FRIENDS? ... really means, "There is no way I'm going to let any part of your body touch any part of mine, again.I JUST NEED SOME SPACE. ... really means, "without you in it."DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS?... really means, "We haven't had a fight in a while."NO, PIZZA'S FINE.... really means, "you cheap slob!"I JUST DON'T WANT A BOYFRIEND NOW. ... really means, "I just don't want YOU as a boyfriend now.I DON'T KNOW, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? ... really means, "I can't believe you have nothing planned!"COME HERE. ... really means, "My puppy does this, too."I LIKE YOU, BUT... really means, "I don't like you."OF COURSE I LOVE YOU.... really means, "just not in that way."YOU NEVER LISTEN. ... really means, "You never listen.WE'RE MOVING TOO QUICKLY. ... really means, "I'm not going to stay over until I find out if this guy at the gym has a girlfriend.I'LL BE READY IN A MINUTE.... really means, "I'm ready, but I'm going to make you wait because I know you will."OH, NO, I'LL PAY FOR MYSELF. ... really means, "I'm just being nice; there's no way I'm going Dutch."I'M JUST GOING OUT WITH THE GIRLS. .... really means, "We're gonna get sloppy and make fun of you and your friends.___________A newly married couple returned to their house after being on honeymoon.'Care to go upstairs and have a shag?' the husband asks.`Sshhh ' said the bride. `All the neighbors will know what we're about to do. These walls are paper-thin. In the future, we'll have to ask each other in code. For example, how about asking, "Have you left the washing machine door open" instead?'So the following night, the husband asks, `I don't suppose you left the washing machine door open did you?''No, I definitely shut it,' replied the wife who rolled over and went to sleep.When she woke up, however, she was feeling a little randy herself and she nudged her husband and said,`I think I did leave the washing machine door open after all. Would you like to do some washing?''No thanks,' said the husband, 'it was only a small load and I've done it by hand.'Q: Why do men die before their wives?A: They want to.Q: What's the difference between spit and swallow?A: Forty pounds of pressure on the back of her head.Q: How do you get four faggots to share a barstool?A: Turn it upside down!======A worried young man from Stamboul,Found lots of red spots on his tool,Said the doctor a cynic, "Get out of my clinic!",Just wipe off the lipstick you fool!"======Q: What do 60,000 abused woman have in common?A: They don't fucking listen!Q: What do you call a thick fingered lesbian?A: Well hungQ: What did the Mexican do with his first 50 cent piece?A: He married her.Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a feminist?A. The lawyer sucks blood and the feminist sucks my cock.Q. Did you hear about the new feminine hygiene spray called SSY?A. That's what you have left after you take the PU out of pussy.Did you hear about the necrophiliac who thought he was in love, untilthe rotten cunt split on him?======The wife coyly tried to explain her purchase of a new pair of expensiveimported panties. "After all, dear," she said to her husband, "Youwouldn't expect to find fine perfume in a cheap bottle, would you?""No," her husband replied. "Nor would I expect to find gift wrapping ona dead beaver."======Mary had a little lamb, it's fleece was white as snow,and everywhere that Mary went, she stepped in lamb shit.Q. Do you know why no woman will ever be truly satisfied?A. Because no man will ever have a Chocolate Penis that ejaculatesMoney!</blockquote>

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