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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064328383" data-attributes="member: 14320">Five Short Stories For Men, By MenONEI was walking through the cemetery this morning and saw a guycrouching down behind a tombstone. I said, "Mourning?."He said, "No, just taking a shit."TWOWhen I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then Irealized that God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and askedHim to forgive me.THREEMy girlfriend was in labor with our first child. She was shouting,"Get this out of me! Give me the drugs!" She looked at me andyelled, "You did this to me, you bastard!" I casually replied, "Ifyou remember, I wanted to stick it up your ass but you said, 'Thatwould hurt too much'."FOURI went to an extremely attractive female doctor today for my annualcheckup.. She told me that I had to quit masturbating. I asked whyand she said, "Because I'm trying to examine you."FIVEAt the exact same time, there are two young men on opposite sides of the earth:One is walking a tight rope between two skyscrapers. The other is getting oral sex from a 98 year old woman. They are both thinking to themselves the exact same thing. What are they both thinking?Don't look down---------I once had a lady friend, Rose,Double-jointed she was I suppose.And I watched fascinated,As Rose masturbated;Herself with the tip of her nose.--------A mortician was laying out the body of a man with an unbelievably long penis.He called in his receptionist to show her.She took one look and said, "It's just like my husband's penis.""Wow, you mean he's got one that long?" the mortician asked."No," she replied. "That dead." Annual Physical70 year old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests cameback with great results. Dr. Smith said, "George everything looks greatphysically.How are you doing mentally, emotionally and are you at peace with yourself and have a good relationship with God?"George replied, "God and me are tight. We are so close that when I getup in the middle of the night, poof! The light goes on & I go to thebathroom and then poof!The light goes off!""Wow," commented Dr. Smith, "That's incredible!"A little later in the day Dr. Smith called George's wife."Thelma," he said,"George is just fine. Physically he's great. But I had to call becauseI'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets upduring the night and poof! The light goes on in the bathroom and thenpoof! The light goes off?"Thelma replied, "Darn fool's been pissing in the fridge again!"__________________Blonde Moments!A blonde went into a world wide message center to send a message to her mother overseas. When the man told her it would cost $300 she exclaimed, "I don't have that kind of money!! But I would do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother in Poland!"The man arched an eyebrow. "Anything?""Yes, anything" the blonde promised.With that, the man said, "Follow me" He walked into the next room and ordered, "Come in and close the door" She did.He then said, "Get on your knees" She did.Then he said, "Take down my zipper" She did.He said, "Go ahead...take it out" She took it out and grabbed hold of it with both hands. The man closed his eyes and whispered, "Well... go ahead!"The blonde slowly brought her lips closer, and while holding it close to her lips she said loudly "HELLO.....MOM???__________________A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friendsays, OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?"...The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."</blockquote>

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