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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064324302" data-attributes="member: 14320">A Redneck LetterDear Son,I'm writing this letter slow because I know you can't read fast.We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved.I won't be able to send you the address because the last Arkansas family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so that they wouldn't have to change their address.This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works so well though: last week I put a load in and pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days.About that coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Stanley said it would be to heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.Your sister had a baby this morning; but I haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know if your an aunt or an uncle. The baby looks just like your brother....Uncle Ted fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off playfully and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days.Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.Love, MomP.S. I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.00000000000Max and Ernie are playing racquetball at the local gym. As they are changing clothes in the locker room Max takes off his T-shirt and shorts. He is wearing a bra and a lace garter belt. "My God," says Ernie, "when did you start wearing women's underwear?" "Ever since my wife found them in my glove compartment."Women's Ass Size Study*There is a new study just released by the American PsychiatricAssociation about women and how they feel about their asses!The results were pretty interesting:1. 85% of women think their ass is too big..2. 10% of women think their ass is too little...3. The other 5% say that they don't care, they love him, he'sa good man, and they would have married him anyway.============ ========= ========= =========Dirty Leroy is out on the playground during 4th-grade recess.He goes up to his classmate Lucy, and tells her "I'd sure like to be inyour pants right now!""How can you say such a thing?" she demands angrily."Well, I just shit in mine!"============ ========= ========= =========Two cannibals, a father and son, were out trying to get something to eat.They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path.Before long, along came a little old man.The son said, "Oh Dad, there's one." "No", said the father."There's not enough meat on that one to even feed the dogs.We'll just wait." A little while later, along came a really fat man.The son said, "Hey dad, he's big enough." "No", the father said."We'd all die of a heart attack from the fat in that one. We'll just wait."About an hour later, there came this absolutely gorgeous woman.The son said, "Now there's nothing wrong with that one Dad, let's eat her.""No", said the father. "Were not going to eat her either.""Why not?" asked the son. "Because, we're going to take her back alive,and eat your mother".</blockquote>

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