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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064299651" data-attributes="member: 14320">Bruce comes home one day and says to his lover, "Please do me a favor. It feels like something's stuck up my ass. Could you check it out for me?"His roommate lubes up his finger (mercifully) and shoves it up Bruce's ass, feeling all around, and says, "I don't feel anything."Bruce says, "Trust me, there's something up there. Try lubing up your whole hand and checking it out."So his roommate lubes his whole hand and sticks it up Bruce's ass. He feels around, and then pulls out a Rolex watch.He says, "I found your problem. There was a watch stuck up your ass."Bruce starts singing, "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you..."zzzzzHarry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor.The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."Harry says, "My God. What's the good news?"The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."zzzzzAn old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains ofher cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, "I have a deadpussy." The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him andsaid, "Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common."zzzzzWhat's grosser than gross?When Siamese Twins are connected by the mouth and one pukes.They say one way you can tell the difference between a young prostitute andan old prostitute these days is that a young prostitute uses petroleumjelly and the old prostitute uses denture adhesive.A man walks into a bar and sits down to a man that is obviously intoxicated. He smells a foul odor and asks the drunk, "Did you crap your pants?" The drunk said "yup." The man then asked the drunk, "Why don't you go to the bathroom?", to which the drunk replied, "Cause I ain't done yet!" Two Starving BumsThese two starving bums are walking through an alley when one of them sees a dead cat. He runs over, sits down and starts to eat the cat, tearing the meat from its limbs.He says to the other bum, "Hey, I know you're hungry, too. Why don't you eat some of this cat?""Hell no!" replies the second bum, "That cat's been dead for days, he's all stiff and cold and smelly!"The first bum says, "Okay, suit yourself," and continues to eat everything, skin, muscle, guts, all but the skeleton.A few hours later as they are walking down the street the first bum says, "Oh, I don't feel so good. I think there might have been something wrong with that cat." And just then, he pukes up a huge puddle of rotten cat flesh and guts with stomach bile mixed in, all half digested and looking like mush.The second bum sits down next to the puddle and says, "Now you're talking! It's been months since I had a WARM meal!"_________A prostitute's nursery rhyme:One two lets screw,Three four I'm a whore,Five six suck the dick,Seven eight ejaculate,Nine ten fuck me again._________Q:) What did one testicle say to the other?A:) Don't mind the asshole behind us! It's the PRICK ahead we're workingfor!Q: what are the 3 biggest tragedies in a man's life?A: life sucks! job sucks!................ and wife doesn't._________Two men are approaching each other on the sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as they walk. As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points at his foot and says, "Vietnam, 1969." The other points behind him and says, "Dog shit, 20 feet back."_________"My Dad and I went on a deer hunting trip. We saw a huge 18 point buckin the field, my Dad aimed and shot it right in the asshole," LittleJohnny said. The teacher was mad, "Johnny you mean rectum," shesaid."Rectum, you bet it rectum, shot his balls clean off."</blockquote>

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