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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064273193" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">A Blonde Nun</span></strong></p><p></p><p>One night a blonde nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her.</p><p>"My daughter, you have pleased me greatly.</p><p>Your heart is full of love for your fellow creatures and your actions and prayers are always for the benefit of others.</p><p>I have come to you, not only to thank and commend you, but to grant you anything you wish," said God.</p><p>"Dear Heavenly Father, I am perfectly happy. I am a bride of Christ. I am doing what I love.</p><p>I lack for nothing material since the Church supports me. I am content in all ways," said the nun.</p><p>"There must be something you would have of me," said God.</p><p>"Well, there is one thing," she said.</p><p>"Just name it," said God.</p><p>"It's those blonde jokes. They are so demeaning to blondes everywhere, not just to me.</p><p>I would like for blonde jokes to stop."</p><p>"Consider it done," said God. "Blonde jokes shall be stricken from the minds of humans everywhere.</p><p>But surely there is something that I could do just for you."</p><p>"There is one thing. But it's really small, and not worth your time," said the nun.</p><p>"Name it. Please," said God.</p><p>"It's the M&M's," said the nun. "They're so hard to peel..."</p><p></p><p></p><p>Temptation is caused by sensation,</p><p>a guy sticks his destination in your location to</p><p>increase the population of the next generation...</p><p>do you understand my explanation or</p><p>do you need a demonstration?</p><p></p><p></p><p>Why did they fire Ronald MacDonald?</p><p>They caught him giving Wendy a Whopper at Burger King!</p><p></p><p></p><p>A guy goes into the doctor's office.</p><p>There is a banana stuck in one of his ears, a carrot stuck in one nostril, and a cucumber in the other ear.</p><p>The man says, "Doc, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?"</p><p>The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you're not eating right"</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Things That Make You Go.. Hmmm.....</span></strong></p><p></p><p>*Why do we say something is out of whack? What is in whack?</p><p>*Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?</p><p>*Do Lipton tea employees take coffee breaks?</p><p>*How much deeper would the oceans be if sponges didn't live there?</p><p>*No one ever says, "It's only a game", when their team is winning.</p><p>*If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?</p><p>*If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">=======</span></strong></p><p>*Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out.</p><p>*It takes many nails to build a crib but one screw to fill it.</p><p>*Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.</p><p>*Man who sit on tack, get point.</p><p>*Man with hand on tool not always mechanic</p><p>*Man who lives in glass house should change in basement</p><p>*He who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">=======</span></strong></p><p>While making love together for the first time</p><p>Joe was furious when his girlfriend suddenly</p><p>stopped and lay back.</p><p>"What's wrong?" he demanded.</p><p>"Forgive me," she said, "but it's your organ.</p><p>... It just isn't big enough.</p><p>"Forgive me," Joe replied,</p><p>"but it wasn't meant to be played in a cathedral!"</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">=======</span></strong></p><p>I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.</p><p>That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">=======</span></strong></p><p>John is out in the country with his new bride.</p><p>They watch as a bull comes over the rise and bangs six cows in a row, one after the other.</p><p>His wife says, "It's a shame a man can't perform like that."</p><p>He says, "We could, if we got to change cows every time."</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1064273193, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]A Blonde Nun[/COLOR][/B] One night a blonde nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her. "My daughter, you have pleased me greatly. Your heart is full of love for your fellow creatures and your actions and prayers are always for the benefit of others. I have come to you, not only to thank and commend you, but to grant you anything you wish," said God. "Dear Heavenly Father, I am perfectly happy. I am a bride of Christ. I am doing what I love. I lack for nothing material since the Church supports me. I am content in all ways," said the nun. "There must be something you would have of me," said God. "Well, there is one thing," she said. "Just name it," said God. "It's those blonde jokes. They are so demeaning to blondes everywhere, not just to me. I would like for blonde jokes to stop." "Consider it done," said God. "Blonde jokes shall be stricken from the minds of humans everywhere. But surely there is something that I could do just for you." "There is one thing. But it's really small, and not worth your time," said the nun. "Name it. Please," said God. "It's the M&M's," said the nun. "They're so hard to peel..." Temptation is caused by sensation, a guy sticks his destination in your location to increase the population of the next generation... do you understand my explanation or do you need a demonstration? Why did they fire Ronald MacDonald? They caught him giving Wendy a Whopper at Burger King! A guy goes into the doctor's office. There is a banana stuck in one of his ears, a carrot stuck in one nostril, and a cucumber in the other ear. The man says, "Doc, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?" The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you're not eating right" [B][COLOR="Teal"]Things That Make You Go.. Hmmm.....[/COLOR][/B] *Why do we say something is out of whack? What is in whack? *Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? *Do Lipton tea employees take coffee breaks? *How much deeper would the oceans be if sponges didn't live there? *No one ever says, "It's only a game", when their team is winning. *If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose? *If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from? [B][COLOR="Red"]=======[/COLOR][/B] *Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out. *It takes many nails to build a crib but one screw to fill it. *Man who drive like hell, bound to get there. *Man who sit on tack, get point. *Man with hand on tool not always mechanic *Man who lives in glass house should change in basement *He who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs. [B][COLOR="Red"]=======[/COLOR][/B] While making love together for the first time Joe was furious when his girlfriend suddenly stopped and lay back. "What's wrong?" he demanded. "Forgive me," she said, "but it's your organ. ... It just isn't big enough. "Forgive me," Joe replied, "but it wasn't meant to be played in a cathedral!" [B][COLOR="Red"]=======[/COLOR][/B] I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. [B][COLOR="Red"]=======[/COLOR][/B] John is out in the country with his new bride. They watch as a bull comes over the rise and bangs six cows in a row, one after the other. His wife says, "It's a shame a man can't perform like that." He says, "We could, if we got to change cows every time." [/QUOTE]
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