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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064268271" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Notices</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Advertisement In A Long Island Shop:</p><p>Guitar, for sale ... Cheap ... no strings attached.</p><p></p><p>Ad In Hospital Waiting Room:</p><p>Smoking Helps You Lose Weight ... One Lung At A Time!</p><p></p><p>Seen on a bulletin board:</p><p>Success Is Relative. More The Success, More The Relatives.</p><p></p><p>When I Read About The Evils Of Drinking ... I Gave Up Reading.</p><p></p><p>My Grandfather Is Eighty And Still Doesn't Need Glasses ...</p><p>He Drinks Straight Out Of The Bottle.</p><p></p><p>You Know Your kids Have Grown Up When:</p><p>Your Daughter Begins To Put On Lipstick! Or Your Son Starts To Wipe It Off.</p><p></p><p>Sign In A Bar:</p><p>'Those Of You Who Are Drinking To Forget, Please Pay In Advance.'</p><p></p><p>Sign In Driving School:</p><p>If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive, Don't Stand In Her Way.</p><p></p><p>Behind Every Great Man,</p><p>There Is A Surprised Woman.</p><p></p><p>The Reason Men Lie</p><p>Is Because Women Ask So Many Questions.</p><p></p><p>Sign in a shop corner introducing new products:</p><p>Getting Caught Is The Mother Of Invention.</p><p></p><p>Sign in a Hospital ward:</p><p>Laugh And The World Laughs With You,</p><p>Snore And You sleep Alone.</p><p></p><p>The Surest Sign That Intelligent Life Exists Elsewhere In The Universe</p><p>Is The Fact That It Has Never Tried To Contact Us.</p><p></p><p>Sign At A Barber's Saloon In Detroit:</p><p>We Need Your Heads To Run Our Business.</p><p></p><p>A Traffic Slogan:</p><p>Don't Let Your Kids Drive If They are Not Old Enough</p><p>Or Else They Will Never Be.</p><p></p><p>Sign In A Restaurant:</p><p>All Drinking Water In This Establishment</p><p>Has Been Personally Passed By The Manager.</p><p></p><p>Sign On A Famous Beauty Parlor Window:</p><p>Don't Whistle At The Girls Going Out From Here.</p><p>She May Be Your Grandmother!</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Bald Head And A Wooden Leg</span></strong></p><p></p><p>There's this man with a bald head and a wooden leg who gets</p><p>invited to a fancy dress party. He doesn't know what costume</p><p>to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a fancy</p><p>dress company to explain the problem. A few days later, he</p><p>receives a parcel with a note: "Dear Sir, please find enclosed</p><p>a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald</p><p>head, and with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a</p><p>pirate."</p><p></p><p>The man thinks this is terrible because they have just</p><p>emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a really rude</p><p>letter of complaint. A week passes and he receives another</p><p>parcel and a note which says: "Dear Sir, sorry about before,</p><p>please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover</p><p>your wooden leg, and with your bald head, you will really look</p><p>the part."</p><p></p><p>Now the man is really annoyed, since they have gone from</p><p>emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head,</p><p>and he writes the company a REALLY rude letter of</p><p>complaint.</p><p></p><p>The next day he receives a small parcel and a note which</p><p>reads; "Dear Sir, please find enclosed a jar of caramel. Pour</p><p>the jar of caramel over your bald head, stick your wooden leg</p><p>up your ass and go as a candied apple!"</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">XXXXXXXXXXXX</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Q:. What do you call a combination aphrodisiac and laxative?</p><p>A:. Easy come; easy go.</p><p>Q: What's the difference between a bonus and a Boner?</p><p>A: Your wife will blow your bonus..</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1064268271, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]Notices[/COLOR][/B] Advertisement In A Long Island Shop: Guitar, for sale ... Cheap ... no strings attached. Ad In Hospital Waiting Room: Smoking Helps You Lose Weight ... One Lung At A Time! Seen on a bulletin board: Success Is Relative. More The Success, More The Relatives. When I Read About The Evils Of Drinking ... I Gave Up Reading. My Grandfather Is Eighty And Still Doesn't Need Glasses ... He Drinks Straight Out Of The Bottle. You Know Your kids Have Grown Up When: Your Daughter Begins To Put On Lipstick! Or Your Son Starts To Wipe It Off. Sign In A Bar: 'Those Of You Who Are Drinking To Forget, Please Pay In Advance.' Sign In Driving School: If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive, Don't Stand In Her Way. Behind Every Great Man, There Is A Surprised Woman. The Reason Men Lie Is Because Women Ask So Many Questions. Sign in a shop corner introducing new products: Getting Caught Is The Mother Of Invention. Sign in a Hospital ward: Laugh And The World Laughs With You, Snore And You sleep Alone. The Surest Sign That Intelligent Life Exists Elsewhere In The Universe Is The Fact That It Has Never Tried To Contact Us. Sign At A Barber's Saloon In Detroit: We Need Your Heads To Run Our Business. A Traffic Slogan: Don't Let Your Kids Drive If They are Not Old Enough Or Else They Will Never Be. Sign In A Restaurant: All Drinking Water In This Establishment Has Been Personally Passed By The Manager. Sign On A Famous Beauty Parlor Window: Don't Whistle At The Girls Going Out From Here. She May Be Your Grandmother! [B][COLOR="Teal"]Bald Head And A Wooden Leg[/COLOR][/B] There's this man with a bald head and a wooden leg who gets invited to a fancy dress party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain the problem. A few days later, he receives a parcel with a note: "Dear Sir, please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head, and with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate." The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a really rude letter of complaint. A week passes and he receives another parcel and a note which says: "Dear Sir, sorry about before, please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg, and with your bald head, you will really look the part." Now the man is really annoyed, since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head, and he writes the company a REALLY rude letter of complaint. The next day he receives a small parcel and a note which reads; "Dear Sir, please find enclosed a jar of caramel. Pour the jar of caramel over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your ass and go as a candied apple!" [B][COLOR="Red"]XXXXXXXXXXXX[/COLOR][/B] Q:. What do you call a combination aphrodisiac and laxative? A:. Easy come; easy go. Q: What's the difference between a bonus and a Boner? A: Your wife will blow your bonus.. [/QUOTE]
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