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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064265967" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Definitions</span></strong></p><p></p><p>MADAM: One who offers vice to the lovelorn.</p><p></p><p>MARCONI: The first man to send a message through a length of spaghetti without it touching the sides.</p><p></p><p>MINE SHAFT: What a German calls his dick.</p><p></p><p>MONOLOGUE: A discussion between man and wife.</p><p></p><p>NONDESCRIPT: A television play.</p><p></p><p>ODIOUS: Not very good poetry.</p><p></p><p>ORGY: Grope therapy.</p><p></p><p>PARENTS: Couples who practice the Rhythm Method.</p><p></p><p>PEDESTRIAN: A motorist with teenage sons.</p><p></p><p>PIMP: Nookie Bookie.</p><p></p><p>PIMP: Public relations man for a public relations girl.</p><p></p><p>PORNOGRAPHY: Clitertature.</p><p></p><p>PREMATURE EJACULATION: The come before the scorn.</p><p></p><p>RACIAL DISPUTE: When the course judge calls for a photo.</p><p></p><p>RED RIDING HOOD: A Russian condom.</p><p></p><p>REFLECTION: What a girl looks at, but is not given to.</p><p></p><p>SAGE: A bloke who knows his onions.</p><p></p><p>SITTING PRETTY: Sitting Bull's gay brother.</p><p></p><p>SNOW JOB: How a woman defrosts her man.</p><p></p><p>SNUFF: Sufficient unto the day.</p><p></p><p>SONATA: A song sung by Frank.</p><p></p><p>SPECIMEN: An Italian astronaut.</p><p></p><p>STALEMATE: A husband who has lost his ardor.</p><p></p><p>TEAR JERKER: A bloke who cries while wanking.</p><p></p><p>TRUE LOVE: An injection with affection to the midsection from a projection without objection.</p><p></p><p>VICE SQUAD: The pussy posse.</p><p></p><p>VICE VERSA: Dirty poetry from Italy.</p><p></p><p>VIRGIN: A girl who whispers sweet nothing doings.</p><p></p><p>VIRGIN: A girl who won't take in what a guy takes out.</p><p></p><p>VIRGIN: Any Hicksville girl who can outrun her brothers.</p><p></p><p>VIRGIN SQUAW: Wouldn't Indian.</p><p></p><p>WELSH RAREBIT: A Cardiff virgin.</p><p></p><p>WET DREAM: A snorgasm.</p><p></p><p>ANTI-CLIMAX: Bore-gasm.</p><p></p><p>CORPORATE VIRGIN: New girl in the office.</p><p></p><p>DESPERATE STRAIGHTS: Sex-starved heterosexuals.</p><p></p><p>GAELIC: An Irish Lesbian.</p><p></p><p>INCEST: Relatively boring.</p><p></p><p>INCEST: A game for the whole family to play.</p><p></p><p>LUBRICATED CONDOMS: Bedroom slippers.</p><p></p><p>MASTURBATION: I-balling.</p><p></p><p>SELF-DECEPTION: Faking an organism during masturbation. </p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Falls Flat</span></strong></p><p></p><p>An Irishman's been at a pub all night drinking. The bartender finally</p><p>says that the bar is closed. So he stands up to leave and falls flat on</p><p>his face.</p><p></p><p>He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that</p><p>will sober him up. Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his</p><p>face.</p><p>So he crawls home and at the door stands up and falls flat on his face.</p><p>He crawls through the door and up the stairs. When he reaches his bed</p><p>he tries one more time to stand up. This time he falls right into bed and</p><p>is sound asleep.</p><p></p><p>He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting at</p><p>him. 'So, you've been out drinking again!!'</p><p></p><p>'How did you know?' he asks.</p><p></p><p>'The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again.'</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>The counter man in the Ice Cream shop saw a customer</p><p>leaving the drug store across the way, heading for his shop.</p><p>The customer entered, set a small Thermos container on the</p><p>counter, and unwrapped a condom.</p><p></p><p>"Here, take this condom. Drop a scoop of ice cream in it."</p><p></p><p>The counter man did so, and handed the condom, with its ice</p><p>cream content, to the customer. The customer placed the</p><p>arrangement in the Thermos jug, and capped the jug.</p><p></p><p>"What," asked the ice cream purveyor, "is the reason for</p><p>that?"</p><p></p><p>"For three months, my wife has been bugging me for a deep</p><p>freeze. Tonight, by Golly, I'm going to give it to her."</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1064265967, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]Definitions[/COLOR][/B] MADAM: One who offers vice to the lovelorn. MARCONI: The first man to send a message through a length of spaghetti without it touching the sides. MINE SHAFT: What a German calls his dick. MONOLOGUE: A discussion between man and wife. NONDESCRIPT: A television play. ODIOUS: Not very good poetry. ORGY: Grope therapy. PARENTS: Couples who practice the Rhythm Method. PEDESTRIAN: A motorist with teenage sons. PIMP: Nookie Bookie. PIMP: Public relations man for a public relations girl. PORNOGRAPHY: Clitertature. PREMATURE EJACULATION: The come before the scorn. RACIAL DISPUTE: When the course judge calls for a photo. RED RIDING HOOD: A Russian condom. REFLECTION: What a girl looks at, but is not given to. SAGE: A bloke who knows his onions. SITTING PRETTY: Sitting Bull's gay brother. SNOW JOB: How a woman defrosts her man. SNUFF: Sufficient unto the day. SONATA: A song sung by Frank. SPECIMEN: An Italian astronaut. STALEMATE: A husband who has lost his ardor. TEAR JERKER: A bloke who cries while wanking. TRUE LOVE: An injection with affection to the midsection from a projection without objection. VICE SQUAD: The pussy posse. VICE VERSA: Dirty poetry from Italy. VIRGIN: A girl who whispers sweet nothing doings. VIRGIN: A girl who won't take in what a guy takes out. VIRGIN: Any Hicksville girl who can outrun her brothers. VIRGIN SQUAW: Wouldn't Indian. WELSH RAREBIT: A Cardiff virgin. WET DREAM: A snorgasm. ANTI-CLIMAX: Bore-gasm. CORPORATE VIRGIN: New girl in the office. DESPERATE STRAIGHTS: Sex-starved heterosexuals. GAELIC: An Irish Lesbian. INCEST: Relatively boring. INCEST: A game for the whole family to play. LUBRICATED CONDOMS: Bedroom slippers. MASTURBATION: I-balling. SELF-DECEPTION: Faking an organism during masturbation. [B][COLOR="Teal"]Falls Flat[/COLOR][/B] An Irishman's been at a pub all night drinking. The bartender finally says that the bar is closed. So he stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he crawls home and at the door stands up and falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door and up the stairs. When he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up. This time he falls right into bed and is sound asleep. He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting at him. 'So, you've been out drinking again!!' 'How did you know?' he asks. 'The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again.' The counter man in the Ice Cream shop saw a customer leaving the drug store across the way, heading for his shop. The customer entered, set a small Thermos container on the counter, and unwrapped a condom. "Here, take this condom. Drop a scoop of ice cream in it." The counter man did so, and handed the condom, with its ice cream content, to the customer. The customer placed the arrangement in the Thermos jug, and capped the jug. "What," asked the ice cream purveyor, "is the reason for that?" "For three months, my wife has been bugging me for a deep freeze. Tonight, by Golly, I'm going to give it to her." [/QUOTE]
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