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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064258157" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Talking About Sex</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A man and his son were talking about sex. The son asked his father, "dad, what does a pussy look like?"</p><p>The dad asked him, "before or after sex?"</p><p>"Ummmm, before sex", the kid replied.</p><p>The dad said, "have you ever seen a beautiful red rose with soft red petals?"</p><p>"Yeah" said the son.</p><p>"Well, what about after sex?" said the son.</p><p>His dad replied, "have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise"!!!</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">-----------</span></strong></p><p>Women are just like orange juice cartons.</p><p>Its not the shape or the size that matters,</p><p>or even how sweet the juice is.</p><p>It's getting those flaps to open!</p><p><span style="color: Red"><strong>-----------</strong></span></p><p>Q: What's the useless skin around a vagina called?</p><p>A: The woman.</p><p></p><p>Q)What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?</p><p>A)Divorced</p><p></p><p></p><p>Q: Why did God invent yeast infections?</p><p>A: So that women too would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt!</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Addicted To Cigars</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A man went to his doctor seeking help for his terrible addiction to cigars. The doctor was quite familiar with his very compulsive patient, so recommended an unusual and quite drastic form of aversion therapy.</p><p>"When you go to bed tonight, take one of your cigars, unwrap it, and stick it completely up your asshole. Then remove it, re wrap it, and place it back with all the others in such a fashion as you can't tell which one it is. The aversion is obvious: you won't dare smoke any of them, not knowing which is the treated cigar."</p><p>"Thanks doc, I'll try it." And he did. But three weeks later he came back and saw the doctor again. "What? My recommendation didn't work? It was supposed to be effective even in the most addictive of cases, such as yours is!"</p><p>"Well, it kind of worked, doc. At least I was able to transfer my addiction," said the patient. "What in the hell is that supposed to mean?" "Well, I don't smoke cigars anymore, but now I can't go to sleep at night unless I have a cigar shoved up my ass..."</p><p></p><p></p><p>I was lying in bed with my blonde girlfriend last night when she said, "I think my boobs are too small, I'm going to get a boob job."</p><p></p><p>"Hmm," I replied, "my hands are too small... what do you think I should do?"</p><p></p><p>"Do you want a hand job?"</p><p></p><p>She's a keeper.</p><p></p><p></p><p>There once was a husky young Viking</p><p>Whose sexual prowess was striking.</p><p>Every time he got hot</p><p>He would scour the twat</p><p>Of some girl that might be to his liking.</p><p>It always delights me at Hank's</p><p>To walk up the old river banks.</p><p>One time in the grass</p><p>I stepped on an ass,</p><p>And heard a young girl murmur, "Thanks."</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1064258157, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]Talking About Sex[/COLOR][/B] A man and his son were talking about sex. The son asked his father, "dad, what does a pussy look like?" The dad asked him, "before or after sex?" "Ummmm, before sex", the kid replied. The dad said, "have you ever seen a beautiful red rose with soft red petals?" "Yeah" said the son. "Well, what about after sex?" said the son. His dad replied, "have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise"!!! [B][COLOR="Red"]-----------[/COLOR][/B] Women are just like orange juice cartons. Its not the shape or the size that matters, or even how sweet the juice is. It's getting those flaps to open! [COLOR="Red"][B]-----------[/B][/COLOR] Q: What's the useless skin around a vagina called? A: The woman. Q)What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence? A)Divorced Q: Why did God invent yeast infections? A: So that women too would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt! [B][COLOR="Teal"]Addicted To Cigars[/COLOR][/B] A man went to his doctor seeking help for his terrible addiction to cigars. The doctor was quite familiar with his very compulsive patient, so recommended an unusual and quite drastic form of aversion therapy. "When you go to bed tonight, take one of your cigars, unwrap it, and stick it completely up your asshole. Then remove it, re wrap it, and place it back with all the others in such a fashion as you can't tell which one it is. The aversion is obvious: you won't dare smoke any of them, not knowing which is the treated cigar." "Thanks doc, I'll try it." And he did. But three weeks later he came back and saw the doctor again. "What? My recommendation didn't work? It was supposed to be effective even in the most addictive of cases, such as yours is!" "Well, it kind of worked, doc. At least I was able to transfer my addiction," said the patient. "What in the hell is that supposed to mean?" "Well, I don't smoke cigars anymore, but now I can't go to sleep at night unless I have a cigar shoved up my ass..." I was lying in bed with my blonde girlfriend last night when she said, "I think my boobs are too small, I'm going to get a boob job." "Hmm," I replied, "my hands are too small... what do you think I should do?" "Do you want a hand job?" She's a keeper. There once was a husky young Viking Whose sexual prowess was striking. Every time he got hot He would scour the twat Of some girl that might be to his liking. It always delights me at Hank's To walk up the old river banks. One time in the grass I stepped on an ass, And heard a young girl murmur, "Thanks." [/QUOTE]
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