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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064243325" data-attributes="member: 14320">You Might Be A Redneck If . . .. . . you think watching professional wrestling is foreplay.. . . your front porch collapses and four dogs get killed.. . . your wife’s hairdo was ever ruined by a ceiling fan.. . . your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.. . . you’ve got more than three cousins named “Bubba”.. . . you break wind in public and blame it on your kid.. . . you’ve ever had to siphon gas from your lawn mower to put into your truck.. . . you can’t visit relatives without getting mud on your tires.. . . you’ve ever been to a wedding reception at the Waffle House.. . . your dog has ever brought home something that you cooked for dinner.. . . you have grease under your toenails.. . . your idea of a romantic evening is sharing the same spit cup with your girlfriend at a tractor pull.. . . your mother has more chest hair than your father.The Redneck at the WhorehouseA redneck has five bucks and is horny, so he thinks to himself, "Maybe I'll go to that whorehouse I've been hearin' so much 'bout." The redneck walks in, approaches a very burlesque, good-looking woman and says, "I've got 5 bucks, give me your best."The man is immediately escorted to a room with a mirror, a couch, and a chicken in the corner. The woman shuts the door. The man reluctantly takes the chicken and finishes his business. He then realized that that was the best sex he'd ever had.The following week, the man brings $10 of his hard earned money, and offers it to the woman. He is the whisked off in to a small room with a few benches and a double sided mirror. The small room quickly fills with men and women alike.Two women walk into the room that the people are viewing. The two lesbians then proceed to make love on the table.The redneck nudges the man next to him and exclaims, "Damn, for 10 bucks, this is damn good." The man then chuckles and says, "You should have been here last week, we had a man screwing a chicken."Filthy Nursery RhymesPeter Peter pumpkin eaterhad a wife he loved to beat herhe smacked her twice across the headfucked her ass and went to bed.***Little Miss Muffett, sat on a tuffetteating her curds and whey.Along came a spider, and sat down beside her,and said " What's in the bowl, bitch !? "***Little Boy Blew (sic)....He needed the money !***Georgie PorgeyPudding & Pie...Whacked off in his girlfriend's eye...And when that eye was glued and shut...Georgie fucked that one-eyed slut.***Hickory Dickory Dock,the bitch was sucking my cockthe clock struck two...I shot my goo,and dropped the bitch off ' the next block.***Jack be nimble, Jack be quickJack burnt off his fucking dick.***Jack be nimble, Jack be quick,Jack jump over the candlestick.Jack's not so nimble, and he's not so quickNow he's in the hospital,with a burnt fucking dick.***There was an old lady who lived in a shoeShe had so many kids- her uterus fell out!***There was an old lady who lived in a shoeShe had so many kids, she didn't know what to do.So she started giving head.***Little Bo PeepFucked her sheep.She blew her horseand licked his feet.She ate his ass,all very nice.Tongued his ballsNot once but twice!***Mary, Mary quite contraryTrim that pussy, it's too damn hairy!***Jack and JillWent up the hillSo Jack could lick Jill's fanny.Poor Jack's gobWas filled with knob'Cos Jill's a fucking tranny.***Jack and Jill went up the hillAnd planned to do some kissing.Jack made a pass,and grabbed her ass;And now his two front teeth are missing.***Mary had a little sheep,And with this sheepShe went to sleep.The sheep turned outTo be a ramAnd Mary had a little lamb!***"Mirror Mirror, On the wall,Who's the sexiest of them all?"The mirror sighed, and with a gruntsaid "Well, it ain't you!, You ugly cunt !"***My dick is big, her arse is tightI poked her anus with delightbut halfway there I hit a bumpthe bitch forgot to take a dump</blockquote>

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