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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064243325" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">You Might Be A Redneck If . . .</span></strong></p><p></p><p>. . . you think watching professional wrestling is foreplay.</p><p>. . . your front porch collapses and four dogs get killed.</p><p>. . . your wife’s hairdo was ever ruined by a ceiling fan.</p><p>. . . your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.</p><p>. . . you’ve got more than three cousins named “Bubba”.</p><p>. . . you break wind in public and blame it on your kid.</p><p>. . . you’ve ever had to siphon gas from your lawn mower to put into your truck.</p><p>. . . you can’t visit relatives without getting mud on your tires.</p><p>. . . you’ve ever been to a wedding reception at the Waffle House.</p><p>. . . your dog has ever brought home something that you cooked for dinner.</p><p>. . . you have grease under your toenails.</p><p>. . . your idea of a romantic evening is sharing the same spit cup with your girlfriend at a tractor pull.</p><p>. . . your mother has more chest hair than your father.</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">The Redneck at the Whorehouse</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A redneck has five bucks and is horny, so he thinks to himself, "Maybe I'll go to that whorehouse I've been hearin' so much 'bout." The redneck walks in, approaches a very burlesque, good-looking woman and says, "I've got 5 bucks, give me your best."</p><p>The man is immediately escorted to a room with a mirror, a couch, and a chicken in the corner. The woman shuts the door. The man reluctantly takes the chicken and finishes his business. He then realized that that was the best sex he'd ever had.</p><p>The following week, the man brings $10 of his hard earned money, and offers it to the woman. He is the whisked off in to a small room with a few benches and a double sided mirror. The small room quickly fills with men and women alike.</p><p>Two women walk into the room that the people are viewing. The two lesbians then proceed to make love on the table.</p><p>The redneck nudges the man next to him and exclaims, "Damn, for 10 bucks, this is damn good." The man then chuckles and says, "You should have been here last week, we had a man screwing a chicken."</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Filthy Nursery Rhymes</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Peter Peter pumpkin eater</p><p>had a wife he loved to beat her</p><p>he smacked her twice across the head</p><p>fucked her ass and went to bed.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">***</span></strong></p><p>Little Miss Muffett, sat on a tuffett</p><p>eating her curds and whey.</p><p>Along came a spider, and sat down beside her,</p><p>and said " What's in the bowl, bitch !? "</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">***</span></strong></p><p>Little Boy Blew (sic)....</p><p>He needed the money !</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">***</span></strong></p><p>Georgie Porgey</p><p>Pudding & Pie...</p><p>Whacked off in his girlfriend's eye...</p><p>And when that eye was glued and shut...</p><p>Georgie fucked that one-eyed slut.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">***</span></strong></p><p>Hickory Dickory Dock,</p><p>the bitch was sucking my cock</p><p>the clock struck two...</p><p>I shot my goo,</p><p>and dropped the bitch off ' the next block.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">***</span></strong></p><p>Jack be nimble, Jack be quick</p><p>Jack burnt off his fucking dick.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">***</span></strong></p><p>Jack be nimble, Jack be quick,</p><p>Jack jump over the candlestick.</p><p>Jack's not so nimble, and he's not so quick</p><p>Now he's in the hospital,with a burnt fucking dick.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">***</span></strong></p><p>There was an old lady who lived in a shoe</p><p>She had so many kids- her uterus fell out!</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">***</span></strong></p><p>There was an old lady who lived in a shoe</p><p>She had so many kids, she didn't know what to do.</p><p>So she started giving head.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">***</span></strong></p><p>Little Bo Peep</p><p>Fucked her sheep.</p><p>She blew her horse</p><p>and licked his feet.</p><p>She ate his ass,</p><p>all very nice.</p><p>Tongued his balls</p><p>Not once but twice!</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">***</span></strong></p><p>Mary, Mary quite contrary</p><p>Trim that pussy, it's too damn hairy!</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">***</span></strong></p><p>Jack and Jill</p><p>Went up the hill</p><p>So Jack could lick Jill's fanny.</p><p>Poor Jack's gob</p><p>Was filled with knob</p><p>'Cos Jill's a fucking tranny.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">***</span></strong></p><p>Jack and Jill went up the hill</p><p>And planned to do some kissing.</p><p>Jack made a pass,</p><p>and grabbed her ass;</p><p>And now his two front teeth are missing.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">***</span></strong></p><p>Mary had a little sheep,</p><p>And with this sheep</p><p>She went to sleep.</p><p>The sheep turned out</p><p>To be a ram</p><p>And Mary had a little lamb!</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">***</span></strong></p><p>"Mirror Mirror, On the wall,</p><p>Who's the sexiest of them all?"</p><p>The mirror sighed, and with a grunt</p><p>said "Well, it ain't you!, You ugly cunt !"</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">***</span></strong></p><p>My dick is big, her arse is tight</p><p>I poked her anus with delight</p><p>but halfway there I hit a bump</p><p>the bitch forgot to take a dump</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1064243325, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]You Might Be A Redneck If . . .[/COLOR][/B] . . . you think watching professional wrestling is foreplay. . . . your front porch collapses and four dogs get killed. . . . your wife’s hairdo was ever ruined by a ceiling fan. . . . your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare. . . . you’ve got more than three cousins named “Bubba”. . . . you break wind in public and blame it on your kid. . . . you’ve ever had to siphon gas from your lawn mower to put into your truck. . . . you can’t visit relatives without getting mud on your tires. . . . you’ve ever been to a wedding reception at the Waffle House. . . . your dog has ever brought home something that you cooked for dinner. . . . you have grease under your toenails. . . . your idea of a romantic evening is sharing the same spit cup with your girlfriend at a tractor pull. . . . your mother has more chest hair than your father. [B][COLOR="Teal"]The Redneck at the Whorehouse[/COLOR][/B] A redneck has five bucks and is horny, so he thinks to himself, "Maybe I'll go to that whorehouse I've been hearin' so much 'bout." The redneck walks in, approaches a very burlesque, good-looking woman and says, "I've got 5 bucks, give me your best." The man is immediately escorted to a room with a mirror, a couch, and a chicken in the corner. The woman shuts the door. The man reluctantly takes the chicken and finishes his business. He then realized that that was the best sex he'd ever had. The following week, the man brings $10 of his hard earned money, and offers it to the woman. He is the whisked off in to a small room with a few benches and a double sided mirror. The small room quickly fills with men and women alike. Two women walk into the room that the people are viewing. The two lesbians then proceed to make love on the table. The redneck nudges the man next to him and exclaims, "Damn, for 10 bucks, this is damn good." The man then chuckles and says, "You should have been here last week, we had a man screwing a chicken." [B][COLOR="Teal"]Filthy Nursery Rhymes[/COLOR][/B] Peter Peter pumpkin eater had a wife he loved to beat her he smacked her twice across the head fucked her ass and went to bed. [B][COLOR="Red"]***[/COLOR][/B] Little Miss Muffett, sat on a tuffett eating her curds and whey. Along came a spider, and sat down beside her, and said " What's in the bowl, bitch !? " [B][COLOR="Red"]***[/COLOR][/B] Little Boy Blew (sic).... He needed the money ! [B][COLOR="Red"]***[/COLOR][/B] Georgie Porgey Pudding & Pie... Whacked off in his girlfriend's eye... And when that eye was glued and shut... Georgie fucked that one-eyed slut. [B][COLOR="Red"]***[/COLOR][/B] Hickory Dickory Dock, the bitch was sucking my cock the clock struck two... I shot my goo, and dropped the bitch off ' the next block. [B][COLOR="Red"]***[/COLOR][/B] Jack be nimble, Jack be quick Jack burnt off his fucking dick. [B][COLOR="Red"]***[/COLOR][/B] Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack jump over the candlestick. Jack's not so nimble, and he's not so quick Now he's in the hospital,with a burnt fucking dick. [B][COLOR="Red"]***[/COLOR][/B] There was an old lady who lived in a shoe She had so many kids- her uterus fell out! [B][COLOR="Red"]***[/COLOR][/B] There was an old lady who lived in a shoe She had so many kids, she didn't know what to do. So she started giving head. [B][COLOR="Red"]***[/COLOR][/B] Little Bo Peep Fucked her sheep. She blew her horse and licked his feet. She ate his ass, all very nice. Tongued his balls Not once but twice! [B][COLOR="Red"]***[/COLOR][/B] Mary, Mary quite contrary Trim that pussy, it's too damn hairy! [B][COLOR="Red"]***[/COLOR][/B] Jack and Jill Went up the hill So Jack could lick Jill's fanny. Poor Jack's gob Was filled with knob 'Cos Jill's a fucking tranny. [B][COLOR="Red"]***[/COLOR][/B] Jack and Jill went up the hill And planned to do some kissing. Jack made a pass, and grabbed her ass; And now his two front teeth are missing. [B][COLOR="Red"]***[/COLOR][/B] Mary had a little sheep, And with this sheep She went to sleep. The sheep turned out To be a ram And Mary had a little lamb! [B][COLOR="Red"]***[/COLOR][/B] "Mirror Mirror, On the wall, Who's the sexiest of them all?" The mirror sighed, and with a grunt said "Well, it ain't you!, You ugly cunt !" [B][COLOR="Red"]***[/COLOR][/B] My dick is big, her arse is tight I poked her anus with delight but halfway there I hit a bump the bitch forgot to take a dump [/QUOTE]
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