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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064241626" data-attributes="member: 14320">The Russian couples sex life was terrible, so they went out and bought ablack market copy of a sex manual. A week later, the man said to thewomen, "Honey, I want to eat your pussy like it says in the book, but itsmells so bad. Why don't you go out and buy some of that femininedeodorant spray?"She agreed. An hour later, she returned, all excited. "You should seethe flavors they have," she told her husband. "Strawberry, cherry,banana ....""What did you get?" he interrupted."Tuna," she replied.A bartender is shutting up for the night when there is a knock at the door.When he answers, a tramp says: "can I have a toothpick?"He gives him the toothpick and the tramp goes off.A few minutes later there is a second knock.When he answers, there is a second tramp who says: "can I have a toothpick?"He gets his toothpick and off he goes.There is a third knock at the door, and a third tramp. The bartender says,"Don't tell me, you want a toothpick too.""No, a straw," says the tramp.The landlord hands him a straw and says, "why do you want it?"Says the tramp: "Some guy just threw up outside but all the good stuff's gone already."A man is at the dentist's for a check-up.As the dentist leans over, he asks, "Well, so you had a little 69 thismorning, eh?""How did you know?" asks the man, embarrassed but also amazed at hisdentist's perception. "Was it the smell on my breath?""No" says the dentist."Well, did you see a pubic hair caught in my teeth?" asks the man."No" says the dentist."Well, what then? How did you know?" asks the man, losing patience.The dentist says "There's a little bit of shit on the end of your nose."You Might Be A Redneck If . . .. . . you think watching professional wrestling is foreplay.. . . your front porch collapses and four dogs get killed.. . . your wife’s hairdo was ever ruined by a ceiling fan.. . . your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.. . . you’ve got more than three cousins named “Bubba”.. . . you break wind in public and blame it on your kid.. . . you’ve ever had to siphon gas from your lawn mower to put into your truck.. . . you can’t visit relatives without getting mud on your tires.. . . you’ve ever been to a wedding reception at the Waffle House.. . . your dog has ever brought home something that you cooked for dinner.. . . you have grease under your toenails.. . . your idea of a romantic evening is sharing the same spit cup with your girlfriend at a tractor pull.. . . your mother has more chest hair than your father.The Redneck at the WhorehouseA redneck has five bucks and is horny, so he thinks to himself, "Maybe I'll go to that whorehouse I've been hearin' so much 'bout." The redneck walks in, approaches a very burlesque, good-looking woman and says, "I've got 5 bucks, give me your best."The man is immediately escorted to a room with a mirror, a couch, and a chicken in the corner. The woman shuts the door. The man reluctantly takes the chicken and finishes his business. He then realized that that was the best sex he'd ever had.The following week, the man brings $10 of his hard earned money, and offers it to the woman. He is the whisked off in to a small room with a few benches and a double sided mirror. The small room quickly fills with men and women alike.Two women walk into the room that the people are viewing. The two lesbians then proceed to make love on the table.The redneck nudges the man next to him and exclaims, "Damn, for 10 bucks, this is damn good." The man then chuckles and says, "You should have been here last week, we had a man screwing a chicken."</blockquote>

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