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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064241065" data-attributes="member: 14320">Alternative Ways To Say No :I'd rather have my nipples chewed off...by a pack of wild dogs.I'd rather suck the snot out of a gorilla's nose...until the back ofhis head caves in!I'd rather masturbate with a cheese grater.I'd rather slide down a barbed wire banister into a bucket of alcohol.I would rather stick my genitals in a bees nest.I would rather crush my foreskin between two tables while being bitch whipped by a fat, mustached geek named Spyros.I would rather have a porcupine inserted violently into my rectum.I'd rather drink a gallon of turpentine...and piss on a forest fire.I'd rather suck cow snot...through a straw.I would rather sandpaper a wildcat's ass.I'd rather watch Rosie O'Donnell and Roseanne mud wrestle... in the nude.I'd rather bungee jump...with the harness tied to my penis...with your mom lying naked in the landing zone.I would rather dry fuck a polar bear....in a phone booth.I would rather spend ten hours getting a tattoo on my back...and then find out it's the wrong one.I'd rather cram my dick in the ass of a bear with inflamed hemorrhoids.I'd rather have the ten strongest 300 pound linemen in the NFL play tug of war with my nut sack....each side of 5 pulling a separate nut in a different direction.I would rather try to open a beer bottle with my sphincter....and not a twist off either.I would rather have my lower legs stripped with a wood planer...and then wear wool socks...in August.I'd rather stick my nose up someone's ass...after he just finished taking a shit.I'd rather shave my poison-ivy covered legs ... with a dull barber's razor...and no water or soap.I'd rather french kiss a barracuda.I'd rather butt fuck a rattlesnake... in a phone booth.I'd rather nail my dick to the middle of a 2x4 and set both ends on fire...and try to get loose with a butter knife.I would rather have sex with Pee Wee Herman in the daylight, without a bag to put over his head.I'd rather drink for a week from the septic tank...of the 700 pound man next door.I'd rather wipe my anus with barbed wire.I'd rather poke a Grizzly Bear in the ass...with a short stick.I'd rather stick a Hartz flea brush up my ass...and jog a mile.I'd rather insert and break a slender glass rod in my penis... then tie it in a knot.I'd rather lick an elephant's asshole...after he had just dropped a load of steaming diarrhea.I'd rather run naked through a rosebush garden...then jump into a pool filled with chlorine.I would rather lie under an elephant with diarrhea...in August...with my mouth propped open.I'd rather ride a donkey naked through the desert...with snapping turtles attached to my nipples.I'd rather be tied to a chair...and forced to listen to Barry Manilow tunes..while having my tonsils removed with a rusty spoon.Fat Country BoyMick, a 400 pound country boy had a lot of trouble getting dates with girls. His friends, however, found a 350 pound girl who seemed willing to go out with him. Before his first date, Mick's friend's advised him to be nice to her at first."Compliment her on something." They told him, "Chicks always like to hear good things about themselves!"Mick decided to give it a try, so he left to pick up his hefty honey. His friends were surprised when Mick returned an hour later, all alone."What happened?" his friends asked."I dunno," Mick replied, "After walking her from the door to the car, I took your advice, and she ran off crying.""What did you say to her Mick?" his friends asked."I told her that for a fat, ugly broad, she didn't sweat so much!" cried Mick._____Howard was feeling guilty all day long. No matter how much hetried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense ofbetrayal was overwhelming.Every once in a while he'd hear a soothing voice trying toreassure him - "Howard, don't worry about it. You aren't thefirst doctor to sleep with one of his patients and you won't bethe last."But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality -"Howard, you're a veterinarian."_____Man: "Is there a mirror in your pocket because I can see myself in your pants!"Woman: "Sorry but there's already one asshole in there!"</blockquote>

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