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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064219561" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">The Fucking Night Before Christmas, Dammit!</span></strong></p><p></p><p>'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house</p><p>Everybody felt shitty -- even the mouse.</p><p>Mom at the Whorehouse and Dad smoking grass;</p><p>I'd just settled down for a nice piece of ass.</p><p></p><p>When out on the lawn I heard such a clatter</p><p>I sprung from my piece to see what the matter</p><p>Then out on the lawn I saw a big dick</p><p>I knew in a moment: it must be Saint Nick.</p><p></p><p>He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell</p><p>I knew in a moment the fat fucker fell.</p><p>He filled all our stockings with pretzels and beer</p><p>And a big rubber dick for my brother the queer.</p><p></p><p>He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart</p><p>The son of a bitch blew the chimney apart,</p><p>He swore and he cursed as he rode out of sight</p><p>"Piss on you all and have a hell of a night!"</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Xmas Carols for the Alternative Sexual Lifestyle:</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Little Hummer Boy</p><p></p><p>A Lay In A Manger</p><p></p><p>Oh, Cum All Ye Faithful</p><p></p><p>I Came Upon A Midnight Queer</p><p></p><p>Here Cums Santa Claus</p><p></p><p>I'm Creaming On A White Christmas</p><p></p><p>You Boff The Red-nosed Vain Queer</p><p></p><p>Oh, Hole-y Night</p><p></p><p>Santa Claus Is Cumming, You Clown</p><p></p><p>Frosty The Blow Man </p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">The Top 15 Reindeer Games</span></strong></p><p></p><p>15. Strip poker with Santa's granddaughter</p><p></p><p>14. Attach the Mistletoe to Santa's Ass</p><p></p><p>13. Spin the Salt Lick</p><p></p><p>12. Crapping down the chimneys of non-believers</p><p></p><p>11. Moose or Dare</p><p></p><p>10. Flying into the "No Fly Zone" over Iraq just to watch Saddam do a slow burn and Santa dampen his Depends</p><p></p><p>9. Bait-and-Shoot Elmo</p><p></p><p>8. The Annual Turn-Frosty- Yellow-from- 50-Paces Contest</p><p></p><p>7. Scare the Holy Crap Out of the Airline Pilot</p><p></p><p>6. Convince the Elves to Eat "Raisinets"</p><p></p><p>5. Pin the Tail on Santa's Big Fat Animal-Abusing Ass</p><p></p><p>4. Hide the Venison Sausage with Vixen</p><p></p><p>3. Elf Tossing</p><p></p><p>2. Sniff the Tail on the Donkey</p><p></p><p>and the Number 1 Reindeer Game...</p><p></p><p>1. The "Rudolph the Shitfaced Reindeer" Drinking Game</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Things Santa Shouldn't Say To The Girls</span></strong></p><p></p><p>1. Hey Babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh?</p><p>2. Wanna see my 12-inch elf?</p><p>3. I`ve got something special in the sack for you!</p><p>4. Ever make it with a fat guy with a whip?</p><p>5. I know when you've been bad or good ... so let's skip the small talk, sister!</p><p>6. Some of my best toys run on batteries.</p><p>7. Interested in seeing the "North Pole"? (Well, that's what the Mrs. calls it)</p><p>8. I see you when you're sleeping ... and you don't wear any underwear, do you?</p><p>9. Screw the "nice" list -- I've got you on my "naughty" list!</p><p>10. Wanna join the "Mile High" club?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1064219561, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]The Fucking Night Before Christmas, Dammit![/COLOR][/B] 'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house Everybody felt shitty -- even the mouse. Mom at the Whorehouse and Dad smoking grass; I'd just settled down for a nice piece of ass. When out on the lawn I heard such a clatter I sprung from my piece to see what the matter Then out on the lawn I saw a big dick I knew in a moment: it must be Saint Nick. He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell I knew in a moment the fat fucker fell. He filled all our stockings with pretzels and beer And a big rubber dick for my brother the queer. He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart The son of a bitch blew the chimney apart, He swore and he cursed as he rode out of sight "Piss on you all and have a hell of a night!" [B][COLOR="Teal"]Xmas Carols for the Alternative Sexual Lifestyle:[/COLOR][/B] Little Hummer Boy A Lay In A Manger Oh, Cum All Ye Faithful I Came Upon A Midnight Queer Here Cums Santa Claus I'm Creaming On A White Christmas You Boff The Red-nosed Vain Queer Oh, Hole-y Night Santa Claus Is Cumming, You Clown Frosty The Blow Man [B][COLOR="Teal"]The Top 15 Reindeer Games[/COLOR][/B] 15. Strip poker with Santa's granddaughter 14. Attach the Mistletoe to Santa's Ass 13. Spin the Salt Lick 12. Crapping down the chimneys of non-believers 11. Moose or Dare 10. Flying into the "No Fly Zone" over Iraq just to watch Saddam do a slow burn and Santa dampen his Depends 9. Bait-and-Shoot Elmo 8. The Annual Turn-Frosty- Yellow-from- 50-Paces Contest 7. Scare the Holy Crap Out of the Airline Pilot 6. Convince the Elves to Eat "Raisinets" 5. Pin the Tail on Santa's Big Fat Animal-Abusing Ass 4. Hide the Venison Sausage with Vixen 3. Elf Tossing 2. Sniff the Tail on the Donkey and the Number 1 Reindeer Game... 1. The "Rudolph the Shitfaced Reindeer" Drinking Game [B][COLOR="Teal"]Things Santa Shouldn't Say To The Girls[/COLOR][/B] 1. Hey Babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh? 2. Wanna see my 12-inch elf? 3. I`ve got something special in the sack for you! 4. Ever make it with a fat guy with a whip? 5. I know when you've been bad or good ... so let's skip the small talk, sister! 6. Some of my best toys run on batteries. 7. Interested in seeing the "North Pole"? (Well, that's what the Mrs. calls it) 8. I see you when you're sleeping ... and you don't wear any underwear, do you? 9. Screw the "nice" list -- I've got you on my "naughty" list! 10. Wanna join the "Mile High" club? [/QUOTE]
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