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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064149644" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Dealing With Women</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Every woman knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, co-worker or significant other! Women will understand this! Men should memorize it!</p><p></p><p></p><p>DANGEROUS SAFER SAFEST ULTRA SAFE</p><p>What's for dinner? Can I help you with dinner? Where would you like to go for dinner? Here, have some wine.</p><p>Are you wearing that? Wow, you sure look good in brown! WOW! Look at you! Here, have some wine.</p><p>What are you so worked up about? Could we be overreacting? Here's my paycheck. Here, have some wine.</p><p>Should you be eating that? You know, there are a lot of apples left. Can I get you a piece of chocolate with that? Here, have some wine.</p><p>What did you DO all day? I hope you didn't over-do it today. I've always loved you in that robe! Here, have some wine.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">_____</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Peter was in bed with his best friend's wife.</p><p>Just as things were reaching a climax, he</p><p>suddenly stopped and sat on the edge of the</p><p>bed, holding his head in his hands.</p><p></p><p>"What the hell's wrong with you?" his partner asked.</p><p></p><p>"I feel just like a regular son-of-a-bitch, getting</p><p>some of my best friend's pussy," the man moaned.</p><p></p><p>"Well," she soothed, patting his back, "you can</p><p>stop worrying. You're not getting his pussy.</p><p>His pussy is five inches deeper." </p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Lover's Lane</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Two policemen, one a rookie, the other an older red neck cop, were making their rounds through a lover's lane type of spot, when they spied a very young couple fooling around in a tent.</p><p></p><p>"Cletus, what should we do?" The rookie cop always deferred to his more experienced partner.</p><p></p><p>Cletus spat some tobacco juice on the ground. "Bo, we tell the little punk to scram, and then we have some fun with little Miss Purty, or we throw 'em both in jail. That's what we do!"</p><p></p><p>Cletus told Bo to go first, and Bo did.</p><p></p><p>The boy ran off into the woods and Cletus watched the tent shake, rattle and roll for the next ten minutes.</p><p></p><p>The girl didn't seem to be too upset that her little boyfriend was gone either!</p><p></p><p>Bo came back to the car zipping up his uniform, and Cletus went drooling to the tent.</p><p></p><p>Cletus entered and said, "Now, little girl, you're gonna find out what it's like with a real man."</p><p></p><p>From under the blanket, Cletus heard an incredulous familiar voice say, "Daddy?"</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">____________</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Little Johnny is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later he calls,</p><p>“Dad!!!”</p><p></p><p>"What?" replies his father.</p><p></p><p>"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?" asks Little Johnny.</p><p></p><p>"No. You had your chance. Lights out,” answered his father.</p><p></p><p>Five minutes later he calls again, "Da-aaaad..."</p><p></p><p>"WHAT?"</p><p></p><p>"I'm THIRSTY...Can I have a drink of water??"</p><p></p><p>"I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!"</p><p></p><p>Five minutes later Little Johnny is hollering again, "Daaaa-aaaad..."</p><p></p><p>"WHAT??!!"</p><p></p><p>"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1064149644, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]Dealing With Women[/COLOR][/B] Every woman knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, co-worker or significant other! Women will understand this! Men should memorize it! DANGEROUS SAFER SAFEST ULTRA SAFE What's for dinner? Can I help you with dinner? Where would you like to go for dinner? Here, have some wine. Are you wearing that? Wow, you sure look good in brown! WOW! Look at you! Here, have some wine. What are you so worked up about? Could we be overreacting? Here's my paycheck. Here, have some wine. Should you be eating that? You know, there are a lot of apples left. Can I get you a piece of chocolate with that? Here, have some wine. What did you DO all day? I hope you didn't over-do it today. I've always loved you in that robe! Here, have some wine. [B][COLOR="Red"]_____[/COLOR][/B] Peter was in bed with his best friend's wife. Just as things were reaching a climax, he suddenly stopped and sat on the edge of the bed, holding his head in his hands. "What the hell's wrong with you?" his partner asked. "I feel just like a regular son-of-a-bitch, getting some of my best friend's pussy," the man moaned. "Well," she soothed, patting his back, "you can stop worrying. You're not getting his pussy. His pussy is five inches deeper." [B][COLOR="Teal"]Lover's Lane[/COLOR][/B] Two policemen, one a rookie, the other an older red neck cop, were making their rounds through a lover's lane type of spot, when they spied a very young couple fooling around in a tent. "Cletus, what should we do?" The rookie cop always deferred to his more experienced partner. Cletus spat some tobacco juice on the ground. "Bo, we tell the little punk to scram, and then we have some fun with little Miss Purty, or we throw 'em both in jail. That's what we do!" Cletus told Bo to go first, and Bo did. The boy ran off into the woods and Cletus watched the tent shake, rattle and roll for the next ten minutes. The girl didn't seem to be too upset that her little boyfriend was gone either! Bo came back to the car zipping up his uniform, and Cletus went drooling to the tent. Cletus entered and said, "Now, little girl, you're gonna find out what it's like with a real man." From under the blanket, Cletus heard an incredulous familiar voice say, "Daddy?" [B][COLOR="Red"]____________[/COLOR][/B] Little Johnny is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later he calls, “Dad!!!” "What?" replies his father. "I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?" asks Little Johnny. "No. You had your chance. Lights out,” answered his father. Five minutes later he calls again, "Da-aaaad..." "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY...Can I have a drink of water??" "I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!" Five minutes later Little Johnny is hollering again, "Daaaa-aaaad..." "WHAT??!!" "When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?" [/QUOTE]
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