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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064106071" data-attributes="member: 14320">What Every Young Girl Should Know:( Very long but very informative )WHAT KIND OF MAN MAKES THE BEST LOVER?Unfortunately, many men who seem attractive on the surface are actuallystrongly homosexual, often without even knowing it. Men with leanwaists, overdeveloped chests, arms and clean skin are actuallyunconsciously obsessed by male bodies. You should stay far away from menwho are athletes or rock stars, and men who feel compelled to dress infancy suits with clean shirts and polished shoes. These "men" often havea compulsion to spend money on sumptuous meals, taxicabs, and expensivetrinkets to compensate for their affliction.Experienced, self-confident lovers, the kind you want don't need toalter the natural contours of their bodies. They are content withslender arms, relaxed chests, and waists with a comfortable amount offlesh, which can come in handy during moments of intimacy (why do youthink they call them "love handles"?)One other tip: Married men can be depended on not to cause embarrassingrumors about you at home or school. Men on short business trips arediscreet, grateful, and particularly driven by passion. Look for them!HOW..."BIG"...SHOULD A MAN BE?Don't by shy. It's an important question, and one surrounded byconfusion. The average man's penis is 2 1/2 to 3 inches long. Mensubstantially larger than this must often undergo painful surgery tocure their condition. In thickness, the average man is slightly largerthan a ballpoint pen.HOW..."LONG"...SHOULD A MAN LAST?Some men can prolong the sex act beyond the once-imponderablethirty-second barrier; intercourse with an experienced man can go for upto forty-five seconds. Once in a long while, you'll find a man who can"last" as long as a minute. Whatever you do, don't let your girlfriendsknow you've landed one of these desirable "sixty second wonders."HOW DO I KNOW IF I'M HAVING AN ORGASM?The female orgasm is a sensation that's very hard to put into words, butmost fulfilled, experienced women agrees that it "feels like somethinginside of you." When a man's penis is inside your vagina, or mouth orass, that is an orgasm. You'll find a really skilled lover applies thesame techniques to love as a gourmet does to a meal; he "leaves a littlesomething on your plate." When, after intercourse, you feel a vaguesensation that there could be "more to come," that "vaguely unsatisfied"feeling," then you can be sure you've experienced a sexually memorableadventure.WHAT IS A MULTIPLE ORGASM?There is no such thing.WHAT ABOUT ORAL SEX?This is one of the most significant differences between the sexes. Ifyou look at pictures of a man and a woman, you'll see the a man's penisfits naturally into a woman's mouth. On the other hand, a man's mouthdoes not naturally fit into a woman's vagina. Thus, a woman orallystimulating a man is performing a "natural" act. But a man seeking toput his mouth on or near your vagina is committing an "unnatural" act(why do you think they call the vagina your "private parts"?)WHAT IS AFTERPLAY?Men have ways of expressing their satisfaction. His satisfied sigh,followed by a deep, consuming sleep, is a sure sign that he, and you are"GIB." Another example of male "afterplay" is his turning on a footballor basketball game immediately after climax. Many women find aparticularly satisfying postcoital experience in going into the kitchenand bringing a nice, cold beer for the man, along with a light snack,sandwich, potato chips and dip, to help her love put back depletedcalories.WHAT IS IMPOTENCE?Impotence is what happens when a girl fails to stimulate her manproperly. This can happen when her figure is not perfect, or when shetries to talk with him for too long before getting into bed with him. Ifthis happens, you can help by turning on a sports event on TV or gettingyour man a sandwich. Another really good "foreplay" technique is toinvite a really good-looking girlfriend over, and do whatever he asks,to him or to each other, while he watches.HOW CAN I KEEP THE MYSTERY ALIVE?One good way to keep things from becoming routine is to vary your dress.Garter belts, black mesh stocking, leather or rubber suits will all helpget your man's attention. Also, don't keep playing "one on one." Inviteyour more attractive and energetic girlfriends over to take part.Another technique, and we think the best, is to use anonymous names.Have your lover call himself "Mr. Smith." Don't let him tell you wherehe lives, or his home telephone number. You'll find it lends an air ofreal "mystery" to the affair.HOW CAN I MEET REAL MEN?When looking for the ideal man, about twenty-five to fifty, married, ona business trip, with enough flab to assure you of his masculinity, goto a 'local' about 8:30 at night. Look around the bar, then, when you'vefound your man, unbutton the top three or four buttons on your blouse,wink at him, walk over and whisper in his ear, "You're cute, can I buyyou a drink?" This is a real conversation icebreaker and things willnaturally progress from here.SOME OTHER IMPORTANT QUESTIONS:Q: "If I get pregnant, how do I know who the father is?"A: There is absolutely no way to tell.Q: "What's the best way to keep my teeth and skin looking healthy andshiny?"A: One of the best and most frequently neglected substances is semen.The more you can somehow get on your teeth and skin, the better you'lllook.Q: "What are some "loving nicknames" we can use?"A: You should always call him, "Mr. Smith." You can also call him, "KingKong," "Master," or "stud." Men often call their favorite lovers, "Heyyou" or "Uh, Miss?"Q: "Where should a man take me?"A: Because so many homosexual men like to take their "dates" out forfancy meals, look for the man who will send you out to KFC or McDonaldsfor a snack. That means his mind is not on food, so you know what he'sthinking about.Q: "What happens if he doesn't call?"A: He may be trying to keep the romance alive; go out every few weeks toyour 'local' and look to see if he's come back. If he doesn't, findanother person who sort of looks like him and maybe writes or works fora humor magazine, then try the "Can I buy you a drink?" technique withhim. You may find you've met a new, exciting lover.Sex On MarsThe year is 2222 and Charlie and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough Frequent Flier miles.They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Charlie asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc.Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex.'Just how do you guys do it?' asks Maureen.The Martian responds, 'Pretty much the way you do.'A discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another.. Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a teeny, weenie member about half an inch long and just a quarter-inch thick.'I don't think this is going to work,' says Maureen.'Why?' he asks. 'What's the matter?''Well,' she replies, 'it's just not long enough to reach me!''No problem,' he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite impressively long.'Well,' she says, 'that's quite impressive, but it is still narrow.''No problem,' he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman.'Wow!' she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad passionate love.The next day the couples rejoin their other partners and go their separate ways. As they walked along, Charlie asks, 'Well, was it any good?''I hate to say it,' says Maureen, 'but it was wonderful. How about you?''It was horrible,' he replies. 'All I got was a headache . She kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears.The mortician calls Mrs. Banley, and says, "Excuse me Mrs. Banley, but I can't seem to close the lid to your husband's coffin because he has a huge erection." To which she replies, "Why don't you cut it off and stick it up his ass? That's the only hole in town it hasn't been in."*A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world" The woman says, "I'll miss you."*I've never gone to bed with an ugly man, but I've woken up with a few.*Patient: "Doc, you gotta help me. I'm under a lot of stress. I keep losing my temper with people."*Doctor: "Tell me about your problem."Patient: "I just did, you fucking jackass!"An old man in the nursing home got a bottle of wine for his birthday. He talked the old lady in the next room into sharing it with him.After they were both totally bombed, he started groping the old lady and pulling at her clothes. He managed to get her blouse and bra off before she stopped him.She said, "I can't do this, I have acute angina".The old guy says "God, I hope so, you've got the ugliest tits I've ever seen."Three BabiesThere were three babies in a woman's stomach, and they were discussing what they would like to be when birthed and grown up.The first one said "I wanna be a plumber."The others laughed at this, and asked "why a plumber?"He replied, "so I can fix the pipes in here, its kinda leaky."The second one said "I wanna be an electrician."The others laughed at this and asked "why an electrician?"He replied, "so I can get some lights in here, its dark!"The third one said "I wanna be a boxer."The others thought this was hilarious, and laughed for a full 5 minutes, before asking, "why in God's name do you want to be a boxer?"He replied, "so I can beat the hell out of that bald guy who keeps coming in here and spitting on us!"-----------There was nothing to do on this Thursday night, so the two co-eds were just hanging around the apartment.Brenda, who was dressed in only a in bra and panties, was jiggling back and forth around their place doing some chores.Abby, who was sitting on the bed, decided this was the night that she would reveal her secret to her room mate."Take a break", Abby said to her friend, "Come over here and sit down".As soon as Brenda sat on the bed, Abby leaned over and kissed her full on the lips."I've always wanted to tell you something" Abby said, "It's kinda hard to say this... Well, let me be frank".Brenda leaned toward her friend and said in a sexually husky voice:"No darling... Let me be Frank</blockquote>

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